and took care of business. Rural women could always raise roofs and corn, kids and hell. Yet today, one speaks of women marching into equality as if that were a different country. “No,” I think as two turkey vultures circle above me, “we’re simply occupying the rest of what has always been home.” House, town, country, the world, the universe.
The turkey vultures don’t see this geography of possibility. They see me, an edible, two-legged smudge on a plywood platter. I extricate my hair and return to felt and staple gun. Before I finish, two parties pass by on the highway. They pull over and watch, then offer me jobs. But I only have one roof in me, my own, and what I’d really like to do next is to run a tractor or a government. Perhaps a particle accelerator.
May 24, 1996
Animal News
Tonight’s news was animal news. Once again I have timed dinner with a graphic wildlife documentary. Last night, forty hunger-crazed hyenas eviscerated a wildebeest, just as I lifted a fork load of cheesy lasagna to my mouth.
Tonight a man spoke against reintroducing wolves in the West. “The wolf kills for a living,” he said. “I wonder if people who want wolves back would be so enthusiastic if they actually saw a wolf pack jump on some deer and eat that animal alive.” He’s right, I thought, pushing my plate aside, nature is rude and wolves should change their ways.
First, they should dump that disgusting pack technique and hire someone to procure their food. Next, they should sit up and use forks like the rest of us. Consign a few picnic tables to wolf packs, hand out bibs and moose liver, no longer pulsating of course. And while we’re at it make them wear pants, so no family from Iowa has to suffer the sight of a rangy pack of buck-naked canids gnawing elk legs twenty yards from a souvenir shop.
Perhaps I’m overreacting. Every so often wild animals are ambushed by a rash of anthropocentric dodiness. In our confusion about nature’s ways, we end up taking it out on the creatures themselves. In a national forest recently a bear was mistaken for a large rock and set ablaze when firefighters lit a backfire.
Elsewhere forest rangers were improving moose habitat by using dynamite to create boggy areas. They set off their charges just as two moose sauntered into the blasting site. Because of the force of the explosion, the meat could not be salvaged, they reported.
Westerners live closer to wildlife than most people. When we see an elk we know if it is right side up. We know the difference between a coyote and a poodle. So why suffer these outbreaks of animal anxiety? Perhaps the sight of natural predation, wolves bringing down an elk and eating it with the teeth they were born with, triggers the uneasy revelation that humans are animals.
Perhaps we pick on other creatures because we know we can be quite beastly ourselves. The ways of wild food are so remote from our minds we forget that we too are part of the feast. We’re the executioner. Sometimes we’re the entrée. Just ask a grizzly bear or a shark. Less and less we are the witness. So estranged are we from wild animals on their own terms, we insist they live on ours or be gone.
We may stalk our prey in the aisles of Safeway. We may wear pants at the dinner table, but we kill to live. By making wolves into demons and bears into bonfires, we make ourselves into gods. We forget we are mammals. This is a dangerous amnesia. The man on the news implied that wolves have no place among us if they gross us out by jumping on Bambi and eating him without cooking him first. This is hubris. This is silly. This is very bad biology. Face it and be awed by the true wild. The wolf on your nature poster is a killer, a predator of supreme skill and endurance. The human in your mirror is an animal. Both revelations should humble and ennoble us.
Undated
California
On a recent trip to California, I found myself stuck on a freeway. Three lanes of cars spewing exhaust, the fumes popping my few remaining brain cells like bubble wrap, nearly knocking me unconscious so that if the traffic ever did move again, I, slumped over the steering wheel, dripping stalactites of drool onto the rental car’s tasteful silver carpet, would incite gridlock anew, and the other drivers, their blood-streams raging with espresso, would hate me and start shooting.
The car ahead of me in this traffic jam was a BMW with an in-dash fax and Jacuzzi. Its bumper sticker said, “I’d rather be hunting and gathering.”
Californians dine by a sacred creed that says, “Eat fresh foods produced locally.” “We don’t shop at supermarkets,” they sniff. “We forage.” And it’s off to buy fetal zucchini from Buddhists, oysters shucked by the Holy Ghost, olives cured in the spittle of Himalayan puppies. Does anyone in the Golden State go hungry?
I cannot speak from experience because I grew up, and remain, well-fed. We were not a “think of starving children in China” kind of family, each meal dredged in béchamel and guilt. The Great Depression was my parents’ tribal history. They understood necessity and never used hunger as punishment. They never sent us to our rooms without dinner—only without dessert.
If they served a lesson with the green beans, it was to appreciate my mother’s labors. While her peers tripped over their aprons in the post-war rush to convenience foods, my mother drew on an eclectic cuisine known in our household as “from scratch.” My young lips never touched orange squares of petro-cheese, smelted between two slabs of snow-white, inflatable bread.
Only as a young adult did I first see true hunger. At a city diner, I sat across the room from a shabby vagrant who was nursing a cup of coffee, the only food he could afford. When he thought no one was looking, he uncapped the bottle of ketchup set among the table condiments and drank it down like a cold beer. A vegetarian obviously.
Today’s gourmet snobbery bears a curious irony. Paté and meat pies, once the fare of peasants, now melt the palates of the affluent, who scorn Spam and pre-whipped substances made with the oil-based flavors we fought Iraq for. The food elite have adopted the cuisine of the poor, but they have left the poor with the ketchup bottle.
To irony, add the illusion that we can hunt and gather, that we can live off the land and eat food close to the source. Not too many people remember what the source is. Not much of either source or land is left. Imagine everyone in Provo foraging. Imagine yourself wringing the necks of chickens or grappling with bleeding, bleating goats.
What if, like the bumper sticker said, I truly had to hunt and gather? I would see more songbird and reptile on my plate. I could clobber great blue herons and loot passing RVs. Around me lies the perfect “from scratch” cuisine: bunny linguine, baked meadowlarks, the neighbor’s kittens. Eat your pets!
May 29, 1998
Cracking Up
What is this odd feeling in the air today? A change in the weather? Diesel fumes? Unhappy subatomic particles?
