You mean I have to change my friends?
Probably. And the books you read. And the television programs you watch. And a whole lot more. We cannot help being and becoming a product of the ideas we associate with most, of the books and magazines we read, the tapes we listen to, the TV we watch, and the people we spend time with.
As thick-skinned as I believe I am and as much of an independent thinker as I pride myself in being, I admit that my performance and determination vary in relationship to what I’m reading, what I’m listening to, and who I’m hanging around with. Earl Nightingale brilliantly summarized all this: “We become what we think about most.” If you are going to become an exceptionally successful entrepreneur, that is what you must think about most.
Another way to look at this is in terms of passion. The most successful entrepreneurs I know are passionately involved with entrepreneurship in general and their businesses in particular. They’re in love being with entrepreneurs, excited about their products or services, “on fire” with enthusiasm, and that gives them superhuman powers.
This is one very good argument for belonging to entrepreneur groups, coaching programs, and peer advisory groups, so you have regular contact and share ideas and information with like-minded entrepreneurs who validate, support, and encourage you. You can greatly accelerate your entrepreneurial success and decrease your aloneness, and isolation-related stress by associating with other progressive entrepreneurs. In such an environment, you are continually challenged by the others’ achievements and progress. The other members as well as a top-notch business coach running the group can call you on your B.S. You can derive personal motivation from recognition unavailable anywhere else—after all, who but kindred spirit entrepreneurs can understand and appreciate your making the difficult decision to axe a non-productive employee or your success with a new ad campaign? Being part of the right group of progressive, creative, and tough-minded entrepreneurs can make a huge difference.
You cannot immunize yourself against the influences of the ideas in the people you associate with. There is no vaccination to protect you from limiting, unproductive, antibusiness, or antisuccess thinking. For this reason, you must immerse yourself in associations that are in harmony with your goals and aspirations.
This doesn’t mean that you must socialize only with other entrepreneurs. I have friends who are college professors, corporate executives, actors, athletes, office workers, and so on, but I choose them carefully. They do not have negative attitudes about business people; they do have interesting ambitions within their careers or tied to others’ outside interests that can be stimulating. But, frankly, there are very few of these in my life. I call them “civilians,” and I imagine that I think of them much like a career military officer thinks of civilians. They cannot possibly understand me or what I do. Because my primary interests in life are business, success philosophy, and politics and theirs are pastimes that distract from such thinking, we have little as common ground. An enjoyable evening now and then, a trek to the theater together, a Super Bowl party, fine. Regular association, mindnumbing and tedious at best, harmful at worst.
GKIC Membership
GOOD NEWS! There are Glazer-Kennedy Insider’s Circle™ Chapters meeting regularly in over 150 areas throughout the United States and Canada, facilitating exactly this kind of support for more than 10,000 entrepreneurs every month. You can find a Directory at DanKennedy.com, or if you take advantage of my Free Gift Offer on pages 272–273, and there is a Chapter in your area, you’ll automatically receive an invitation to a meeting.
Unfortunately, you are going to discover that the majority of nonentrepreneur civilians have a number of set-in-cement biases against and frustrations with you, the entrepreneur. Here are some of the big ones you’ll run up against.
ACCUSATION: You’re a Workaholic
Most entrepreneurs I know experience great conflicts between their commitment to business and other aspects of their lives: marriage, family, civic activities, and so on. Having two failed marriages in my background, I’m hypersensitive to this conflict, and I’m always working on ways to handle it more effectively. The fact—and it is fact—that the line between “work” and “play” is thoroughly blurred for the true entrepreneur, and the corollary fact that the entrepreneur’s business life is often, frankly, bluntly, more important to him than his personal and social life is a huge source of befuddlement, annoyance, and tension for those around him. If you read a lot of biographies of great entrepreneurs, you’ll find this a common thread. Read the Buffet bio The Snowball just as example. The vast majority of people casually familiar with Warren Buffet view him as a kindly, wise owl, an elder statesman, a pater familias for investors. But being married to him or a child raised in his household would, if this book is to be believed, give you a very different sense of the man.
It’s convenient and easy for others to label the determined, passionate entrepreneur as a workaholic—a diseased, neurotic addict guilty of neglecting non-work responsibilities, of not loving his or her spouse or family, of being a self-absorbed ass. It’s convenient and easy, but overly simplistic, and certainly not very helpful.
In reality, the constantly working entrepreneur may be saner and happier than the critics. Most people detest their jobs, yet they continue going to them day after day, month after month, year after year. They spend the lion’s share of their lives doing things they find boring and unfulfilling, but lack the guts to do anything about it. They live for weekend escape. They spend five days a week as prison inmates and hope for two they may enjoy. Isn’t that sad? By contrast, the successful entrepreneur manages to create and stay involved in work that is so enjoyable and fulfilling that he no longer thinks of it as work, and that provides exceptional financial rewards as well.
The lovers, friends, parents, and others who throw around the workaholic label secretly resent their own “stuckedness” and try to make themselves feel better by attacking you, by making you feel guilty or odd.
We could dismiss the critics as jealous, resentful, and unreasonable just as easily as they label us as workaholics. However, no one wants to go through life married only to a business in general. We need mates, family, and close friends. And they won’t all be involved in our businesses or even in business. We don’t get to choose our families and, besides, some diversity in social life is healthy and necessary. So, better understanding of ourselves and others, recognition of the special problem we present to others, and creative efforts at preserving relationships are all very important.
The Blurred Line
One of the ultimate object lessons in this is Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Airlines, and all the other Virgin companies and brands. He told Fortune magazine: “I don’t think of work as work and play as play. It’s all living.”
The typical entrepreneur is constantly initiating new projects, even new businesses, to justify the long day, to keep the game alive. They are not just motivated by desirable end results; they’re equally motivated by the enjoyment and thrill they derive from the whole process of business. They love the “action.” If this is workaholism, I’m guilty.
But, also, thanks to divorces, aging, long conversations with wiser people, and many other factors, I’m developing an appreciation for balancing that passion with other passions, so that I’m less guilty. And I’ve discovered a very odd secret. A difficult one for everybody raised on “work ethic” like me, but here
