Whisker unfolded it and gulped. The name was Ruby.
‘The fight will be held tomorrow afternoon,’ Pete announced. ‘Smudge, please inform Ruby immediately.’
Smudge lifted four arms in the air as if to say, how can I do that? I’ve got no vocal cords.
The Captain stood up from his chair and sighed. ‘Come along, Smudge. We’ll do it together.’
Smudge and the Captain disappeared through the doorway and Whisker had little time to consider the outcome.
‘Listen up, Whisker,’ Pete said impatiently. ‘The Captain thinks you have potential. But potential means nothing if you don’t know how to apply it. The Pie Rat code will keep you alive. There’s no guarantee, mind you. But at least you’ll die following the rules.’
A dead law-abiding rat is still a dead rat, Whisker thought.
Pete threw the red book onto the table. Its cover was scuffed and its pages were yellowing. Its title read The Pie Rat Code: Extended Edition.
‘This is the full code,’ Pete said proudly. ‘I know its entire contents from cover to cover.’
‘What about the other rats?’ Whisker asked. ‘Have they all read it?’
‘Hardly!’ Pete scoffed. ‘Half of them can’t read and the others are too lazy. But you can be the exception. Feel free to borrow this book anytime and you will soon be as wise as me.’
‘Thanks,’ Whisker said, trying to sound enthused. ‘I’m sure it’s a great read.’
Pete screwed up his bony nose and snorted. ‘In the meantime you’ll need to memorise this.’ He handed Whisker the scroll. ‘It’s the simplified version of the code. It was designed for members of the crew with pie filling for brains. It’s all you need to know for your orientation.’
Pete leant over Whisker’s shoulder as Whisker read the strange list of rules.
‘Is anything unclear?’ he asked.
Whisker thought for a moment. ‘There is one rule I’m not certain of – the one about the scissor swords. I know what a sword is and I know what scissors are, but I’ve never heard of a scissor sword before.’
Pete clomped over to a chest in the corner, opened the lid and pulled out a long metal object with a black circular handle. Whisker instantly knew what it was: half a pair of enormous scissors. He’d heard of giants from faraway lands called humans and guessed this had once belonged to them.
‘Wow,’ he exclaimed. ‘Where did the Captain get that?’
‘A certain antiques dealer,’ Pete replied in a hushed voice. ‘The steel is stronger than regular swords. We’ve all got one, well, two in fact. They come in pairs and it’s good to have a spare.’ He pulled out the second half from the chest and, holding a sword in each paw, pretended he was fighting. ‘Did you know that Ruby fights with two swords at once?’
Whisker felt his tail twist in terror. That wasn’t the kind of news he wanted to hear.
‘Th-they must be expensive,’ he stammered, trying to remain positive.
‘Too much for a new recruit,’ Pete said, stashing the swords away.
‘So you make a lot of money robbing ships and, err … killing passengers?’ Whisker asked.
Pete groaned, ‘It’s not about killing.’
‘Isn’t it?’ Whisker said.
Pete shook his head. ‘I’ll explain it simply for you. We are Pie Rats. We attack ships. Passengers hand over their gold, jewels and gourmet pies. Why? Because we convince them they’ll die horrible deaths if they don’t. They give us their riches, and we let them go. When they get home, they tell everyone we’re bloodthirsty buccaneers, but rats of our word. If the word got out that we simply killed whomever we met and sunk their ships, no one would ever hand over their treasure. They’d fight to the death instead. And believe me; fighting to the death isn’t good for a Pie Rat’s health.’
‘Let me get this straight,’ Whisker thought aloud. ‘Piracy is a bit like a circus performance. It comes down to fabulous costumes, good acting and well-rehearsed stunts.’
Pete looked highly offended by the comparison, so Whisker decided to drop the subject and moved on.
‘Are cats a little unpopular with Pie Rats?’ he asked.
‘Oh my precious paws,’ Pete groaned, turning a whiter shade of white. ‘Cats are the most vile creatures on the planet. I feel ill just thinking about them … As I always say: If you ever see a cat, don’t stop to have a chat. Just turn around and RUN or you’ll end up on his tongue!’
Whisker filed this piece of information in his head under the category of animals I will never go near, look at or think about again.
‘Listen, Whisker,’ Pete mumbled. ‘If you’ve finished with the traumatic questions, I want to get back to my research.’
Pete glanced in the direction of the Captain’s desk and Whisker had a fair idea of what he was referring to. As curious as he was to discover more, Whisker knew he had more important things to worry about. With an awkward salute to Pete, he left the cabin and clambered up the stairs in search of Ruby.
Silver and Gold
Standing on the deck of the Apple Pie, Whisker tried to comprehend the strange pirate ship around him. He had never seen anything like it. The entire hull of the ship resembled a giant pie, complete with a wooden pastry-crust bulwark surrounding the edge of the deck.
Whisker peered up at the masts and gasped. The mainmast was a giant silver knife and the foremast was a matching silver fork. The cutlery set was completed with a silver spoon bowsprit jutting from the front of the ship.
Hanging from the silverware were none of the typical white sails of merchant ships, but enormous items of human clothing. The mainsail was a red and black shirt with a golden rat design supported by an equally large metal coat hanger. On the foremast, suspended by a thick red pencil, was a colossal brown handkerchief.
The strangest sail of the ship was the jib, the triangular sail that hung between the bowsprit and the foremast. It was a giant pair of red underpants, attached by huge yellow clothes pegs.
‘It’s one big washing line,’ Whisker murmured in a daze.
He glanced up at the ship’s helm and located Ruby behind the wheel, holding a golden telescope to her eye. She didn’t flinch as he clambered up the stairs to greet her.
‘What can you see?’ Whisker asked in his friendliest voice.
‘Water,’
