The Waitress of Life. Victoria Morris

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wears dresses and a funny hat and drives around in a pope-mobile is a better choice?

      Dad: Maybe give us a minute?

      Waitress: Sure.

       (Waitress shakes her head and goes to table 5)

      Teenager 1: We’re made of corn. (snicker- laugh)

      Teenager 2: The god Chak cracked open the back of the cosmic turtle with a lightning stone. (snicker- laugh)

      Teenager 3: Fertility rites. (snicker- laugh)

      Teenager 1: ewhhh Egyptians Married their sisters-

      (all Teenage boys): GROSS!!!!

      Waitress: (going to table 4) How are you folks this evening?

      Mature Woman: (to old man) It’s cold in here, can’t you do something about it?

      Mature Man: Why yes, of course dear (feels around his jacket) … Oh I left my matches and fire wood in my other jacket… maybe you could try something radical and ask the waitress??

      Mature Woman: Can you do something about the temperature? How is a person supposed to think in this horrible cold?

      Waitress: I’ll see what I can do. Do you have any questions about the menu?

      Mature Woman: I have looked everywhere and there is no eternal life.

      Waitress: Eternal Life isn’t available a’la carte. You can only get it as part of some of the specials.

      Mature Woman: Why so I have to go through all the hassle of a special when all I want is eternal life?

      Waitress: Sorry I don’t make the rules, you’ll have to speak with the chef about that. Baptist is very popular.

      Mature Woman: Too evangelical.

      Mature Man: Protestant?

      Mature woman: With your work ethic?

      Mature man: My work ethic? I have been supporting you for the past 50 years- when have you ever raised a finger?

      Mature woman: I seem to recall a time not too long ago where I did all the cooking and cleaning.

      Mature man: I had had a heart attack, and you had a maid and a cook – all you had to do was ask others to do the actual work.

      Mature Woman: I am just saying…

      Mature Man: How about Jewish? You have the whole guilt thing down.

      Mature Woman: Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a kosher kitchen?

      Mature Man: I think I would be making the greatest sacrifice if we went Jewish. (makes scissor hand motion)

      Mature Woman: Yes, that would be a SMALLL sacrifice you would have to make. But I’m not prepared to live in a world without Bacon Double Cheese burgers!

      Waitress: Why don’t I give you a minute

       Everyone starts talking loudly over each other lights go out and silence. Lights up on the band – all holding menus.

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