and dignity, helped her stay strong throughout her pregnancy and the arrival of her twins.
As a mom to not only one child- but two, she accepted the new task of being a dedicated caregiver and would show her love for her girls throughout everything she did in her new journey. It may have not been an easy road, but she wouldn’t stop in her tracks.
My mother still had her parents in her life; she was one of five children- the oldest girl.
The siblings got along with one another like most siblings do. There was the oldest one who looked after the younger ones; there was the musical brother who sang in a band, there was my mom who was a tough one to deal with at times, loved her mother and kept her mother on her toes. Then the youngest boy was the known for his playful tactics but the biggest heart, and the youngest daughter was her Daddy’s little girl.
They were a family of seven who all lived in the house. Some having to share rooms, others old enough to move out on their own throughout the years.
However, my Grandmother found that she had Lung cancer in 1979.
A tumor on her lungs the size of a grapefruit.
I know from my mother’s experience that this changed how things felt in the house. For Grandmother couldn’t run the house like she once did; raising her kids, cooking dinners, and so on. She soon had limitations to her daily life.
I believe my mother had to stay strong and cope with her mother’s disease at the same time.
Throughout those next months, my mother held onto her own strength knowing she was soon going to have to raise twin girls, but the devastation hit thinking about her own mother’s battle.
Grandmother cared for her kids and grandchildren, before she thought of herself.
Grandmother was a cleaning lady at the local public school. So her duties consisted of tons of cleaning and prepping rooms for class and she was also on the PTO. She also helped out in the neighborhood cleaning houses for those who also enjoyed her company.
Grandmother loved to play bingo and would visit her own siblings in Northeast Philly.
She was tough on the kids- but she gave them what they needed by being a stay at home mom.
Though my mom had a lot on her plate, she didn’t give into the agony and kept her head held high as the family didn’t believe they’d have to undergo the loss of their mother.
They’d have to find their way through life without her.
At the time, my mother was nineteen years old and was carrying twins out of wed-lock, something I wouldn’t comprehend until years later.
I would never meet my father. She said that he denied that we were his, he would never give her a dime and support his children.
To this day I call him my sperm donor. He disappeared after hearing about our anticipated arrival.
During her relationship with him, she had no idea of how dishonest he really was.
My mother found when she was pregnant with us that our biological father had another family. Before she was to go away with him for a so-called romantic weekend, a friend called to give her the news. She explained to my mother to not go with him, or to believe anything he said, for he was a complete liar.
She never imagine him lying to her. But the truth was for real. He was married with two kids. He never confessed and he told her she was insane.
My mom had no other choice but to believe the truth. She in time saw that real liar he was.
She realized she was going to be a single parent, as she would not be getting his support financially or emotionally.
My mother’s reaction was to not torture herself over this and move on.
We were due in September 1979, but my mom was hospitalized in early July from having some complications, that resulted in a early sudden birth.
Her father came to visit that day, not thrilled with the idea of her having a baby out of wedlock and had no idea until his arrival that he had twin granddaughters.
My mother’s remembrance was that she never imagined seeing her father cry- as he later told my mother that he would make his home our home too and help raise us due to the absence of our father. He also wished to name one of us after a dear family member.
In this new stage of his daughters life, Pop’s said that we were the most beautiful babies he ever saw and was astounded that we were his twin granddaughters.
I believe my mother held a unique relationship with her father, she recalls him being a tough one to deal with, but strong at heart.
Family meant to him that no one was left behind and he wasn’t going to leave his oldest daughter out of the house; he would continue to support her emotionally. He felt strongly that we needed a home, not a foster home, or an adoption agency.
Pop-Pop started to hold a beautiful, unconditional, loving bond with his granddaughters that would expand throughout the years to come.
***
However, after our arrival the house was definitely full of chaos, as Grandmother was not doing well with the cancer. She became weak and tired which took her away from her daily affairs.
I’ve heard stories about how in December 1979, she was constantly complaining about how bad her head hurt from the treatments from the hospital. She was apparently suffering extremely from this devastating cancer, but as my mother shares her stories, she says that while at home Grandmother loved to put our socks on our feet and mix and match them.
Grandmother shared some quiet times with us as best as she could.
Today, I feel sad not remembering my Grandmother physically, but I know that she loved us deep inside her heart and we will meet her one day soon- in the heavens above. My mother says that she was happy she had identical grand-daugther’s- as she loved to spend some quality time with us as newborns.
Grandmother would pass away when we were only six months old and I know my family suffered a severe loss. My mom mentioned that they had a beautiful and memorable last Christmas together with Grandmother.
I formed my own projection of that last Christmas, as if they all sang songs on the piano while they laughed, like the good old times. I sometimes get a glimpse of that day, seeing my Grandmother smile with the ones she so dearly loved. I can only imagine how the departure of Grandmother caused a hunger in her own children and families’ hearts.
Grandmother passed away on January 17th, 1980…
