and then I feel resentful.
I have an addiction or a habit I struggle to control.
I stuff my feelings down. I can’t express what matters to me.
You will notice that none of the statements above expand your confidence or personal growth. The opposite is true.
Our decisions are generally based on what we are thinking and feeling, and what we think and feel forms our beliefs.
Here is an example.
If I think that I am capable of performing a higher role at work and feel confident in my abilities, then I believe success is possible. I also believe I am worthy of a promotion. I will take the steps required to apply for the role I desire.
If I tell myself that I am slow to learn new skills and feel like everyone else is smarter than I am, then I believe failure is likely. I am unwilling to apply for roles that might make me happier and believe I am destined to stay stuck in the same job.
Our thoughts, feelings and beliefs interact below the level of our awareness to drive our decisions and habits. Just as unhelpful neural pathways are formed through repetitive thoughts, feelings and behaviours, our positive responses have been formed in the same way. Hence, choosing positivity is the gift we could wisely offer our self.
This requires training and time, yet the results are worth it.
The ART of Positive Thinking
No matter what goal we want to achieve, it is important that our unconscious mind and conscious mind work together to support success.
The automatic programs that store our habits, behaviours and beliefs sit in the unconscious mind, like software on a computer. Sometimes they are more like a virus or a version uploaded during childhood than currently helpful or relevant. Yet they continue to steer our life.
The activities and strategies in this book provide conscious steps you can take to enhance and strengthen your positive thinking.
In summary, the ART of Positive Thinking involves:
Awareness so that automatic, unhelpful thoughts and responses are acknowledged and changed before they impact you;
Resolving and/or Releasing unhelpful emotions, beliefs, habits and memories from the past; and
Training to consistently choose positive responses rather than self-limiting habits and beliefs.
Reframing (changing) negative self-talk is important at every stage of the process. You will become a friend to yourself and not the saboteur.
Over time, your positive relationship with yourself becomes automated. You do not have to consciously ‘do the right thing’ for the rest of your life. Healthy decisions will just occur naturally. You will no longer expect negative outcomes. You will become options-focussed and open to possibilities when facing challenges. Life will feel like a learning experience and less like hard work or punishment. These are some of the internal shifts that occur with an orientation towards positive thinking.
You become the creator of your experiences, since how you respond feels more under your control. Rather than believing things always happen to you, you recognise points of influence where you can shape the outcome. In other words, positivity steers you away from reacting to life and towards creating your life.
With awareness, you learn to live in the present moment. You are mindful of what is relevant right now and resist forming judgements or expectations based on the past. You free yourself from doing what you have always done, because you treat each moment as a fresh opportunity. This is very helpful for relationships, problem solving, decision making and keeping you grounded in what is real. If you experience anxiety, mindfulness will be your friend.
With awareness comes the realisation that some old habits, expectations and beliefs need to be released because they only hold you back. Unhelpful feelings need to be resolved so you can move forward. You need to listen to yourself and honour what makes you happy. It is never too late to become the creator of your life.
To maintain a positive approach, you will need to train yourself over time. You may have been criticised, abused or treated as though you are incapable of doing anything right. You may have low self-esteem, feel lethargic, anxious, depressed or angry. You may just feel ‘stuck’ in your life and want to move forward with more confidence and energy. Don’t give up. You deserve better than that. We all do.
Emotions and Thoughts - The Chicken and Egg Mystery
Creating a positive approach to life is not as simple as just changing our thoughts, because what we feel affects many decisions.
It is hard to know what comes first - whether our feelings shape what we think or whether our thoughts shape how we feel. This powerful cause and effect cycle works differently at different times; however, both thoughts and feelings need to be addressed in any inner work where you are seeking change.
Some people may say to you, ‘Just think positively,’ as though the sun shines on their every moment. Their internal climate is favourable. They feel emotionally balanced and stable.
However, when you are deeply anxious, depressed, stressed, grieving or frustrated it is difficult to feel motivated and positive. It is like your internal climate is mostly cloudy or stormy. Please seek help if you feel sustained sadness, lethargy or hopelessness, as a medical professional may be an important part of your recovery. Your life deserves the best level of care.
There is something about our feelings we need to remember. Like the weather, they can change.
For example, imagine you are on a bus and feeling very nervous about a job interview in an hour’s time. You feel shaky, have an accelerated heart rate and, feel a little sick. Suddenly, the person next to you clutches their chest and collapses.
In this moment, your worry about the interview vanishes. You may feel anxious but for a different reason. You quickly assess how to get, or offer, help. The dread about the interview is rapidly replaced with the new focus of saving a life.
Here is another example. Imagine that you wake up feeling irritated by a thoughtless comment made by a colleague. It has bothered you during the night and you feel resentful. You feel too tired to go to work. Suddenly, the phone rings and it is your best friend. They are distraught because their partner has had an affair and left them. It is a complete shock to both of you. They need your immediate support.
In this moment, are you still filled with resentment towards your colleague? Are you too tired to care about your friend?
Most likely, the answer is ‘No.’
It is more likely that you feel a surge of energy, a shift in focus and a flood of empathy and concern. Your mind may already be strategising about how you can help.
These simple analogies show us that like the weather, many of our feelings change moment to moment, depending on how we perceive and react to events. Don’t let unhelpful feelings entrench themselves and become your inner climate. Stay aware and pause before accepting your feelings as your reality. Take a deep breath, exhale and let unhelpful feelings pass through.
