angle grabbed people’s curiosity—it was a necessary evil to draw an audience to your message. However, it was clear from her face there was no opportunity for debate, and so I dutifully, but reluctantly, rewrote the content of both items focusing on the benefits.
Aside from wanting to keep my job, I felt compelled to bow to Virginia’s experience because she had built her thriving, award-winning business on the foundation of her marketing expertise. It took me many more years to truly understand what she was telling me about human psychology.
I later learned that not only does a negative tone of voice repel, it also assigns the attributes of the negative to the speaker or the brand. For example, if someone is advertising a new brand of skin product by focusing on their competitors’ shortcomings those shortcomings are sub-consciously assigned to the advertiser’s own brand.
The same principle works in everyday speech. Have you noticed the inner cringe that occurs when someone starts a sentence with something such as: "Don’t take this personally,” or “No offence,” or “I don’t mean to suggest that” (fill in the blank). Many struggle to think about anything other than the personal attack that is about to occur when they hear those sorts of phrases.
In a child’s brain, negatives are processed as a positive. So, starting sentences with “don’t” or “stop doing…” tells the child to do exactly that thing. Therefore, language such as "don't run across the road" is really subconsciously translating to the opposite: "run across the road." We may have a stronger sense of social protocols and a greater ability as adults; however, in my experience our minds aren’t really that different.
This language challenge can easily be overcome. Years in public relations has taught me that within every negative there is a positive. All we need to do is flip the negative to a positive, or neutralise it, by asking an open question rather than making a negative statement.
For example, if your message is “Don’t go to bed without brushing your teeth,” simply change it to “Always brush your teeth before bed.” In this manner, you are embedding the positive part of your message, rather than seeding a negative habit. If you are concerned about the damage pollution is doing to the environment, rather than lecturing people on the damage, which is alienating, focus on the actions you want individuals to take to stop this. If you are trying to find a cure for a certain type of cancer, focus your message on who will benefit, rather than on the suffering.
Unfortunately, political campaigns are still largely based on negativity and attack. As a consequence, while this sort of campaigning might be successful at unseating the incumbent political party, the consequence is that the public loathes all parties, while tolerance for political leaders is at an all-time low.
However, if you study the successful leaders and marketers, you will find brands that are almost exclusively focused on the positive aspect of their message.
EXERCISE
Go through your content, starting with a recent presentation you gave or a piece of written communication such as a blog post. Think about how you come across—is it your real voice? How down-to-earth and connected is the language you use? How do you leave people feeling? Is your overall message focused on the positive rather than the negative or the problem?
If you feel there’s an authenticity gap, try rewriting some of it, while letting more of your true voice and feelings come through. Let your passion for the topic bring your message alive. And if it doesn’t, consider whether or not you are focusing on the right topic.
Make certain your main take away message is a positive. Keep flipping it over until you find it.
Tips for getting real
Lose the formal language: use words and expressions you hear in everyday conversations when you write and speak. We don't “utilise things,” we “use them.” We don't say, “Therefore, and herewith, or hence” when we talk.
Be human: do you sound like a real person? Use first person where you can. Use inclusive words such as “we” and “us.” Include your personal perspective.
Less is more: we're used to shorter conversations. Don't write an essay when a paragraph will do.
Ditch the “us versus them.” We are living in an age when everyone's an expert, thanks to Google and Wikipedia. Don't lecture others or assume their ignorance. Note the old rule of “don't overestimate the intelligence of your audience.” In addition, never underestimate their intelligence.
Let the passion take over: stick to topics you are genuinely connected with and love to talk about.
Making a commitment to authenticity, and following through on it will deliver magnificent short and long-term benefits, including a much deeper level of personal satisfaction and alignment with your own message. It also takes a bit of practice to make sure you remove any barriers to delivering an authentic message – and patience. Even the queen of authenticity, author and researcher Brene Brown, confesses that in her legendary TEDx talk on vulnerability she was still wearing a few masks. We are all a work in progress on some level, which is what the next chapter is all about.
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