Châteaubrun? But I thought he was in Africa.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
I got back yesterday, my dear Mr. Debray.
ALBERT
And I offer you something today, one can’t be served any hotter, I hope!
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Good day, Albert. Good day, Mr. de Beauchamp. I have to thank you.
BEAUCHAMP
Me?
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Yes. You have consecrated half a column to me and while that doesn’t displease us very much, it flatters us greatly—we men of the world.
BEAUCHAMP
I think so, indeed! Monsieur le Marquis plays in amateur theaters—to look arms crossed like the taking of Constantine; they don’t take Constantine. They beat the retreat; the gentleman uncrosses his arms and performs prodigies.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Yes, but there is a man who makes greater prodigies than I do, since he saved me—and that one you haven’t spoken of.
BEAUCHAMP
Ah, yes, Mr. Maximilian Morel, a Captain of the Spahis, who arrived just as two Arabs—note that four had already been killed—who arrived as two Arabs were getting ready to strangle you. Why the devil do I mention it? He’s a soldier and he’s only doing his job.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
It’s all the same, my dear fellow, on this occasion I recommend him to you and to you, also, my dear Debray.
DEBRAY
To me? But I am in the Interior and this concerns War.
BEAUCHAMP
Bah—between ministries.
DEBRAY
With the result that you are here, right? Good! We are only waiting for the traveler.
BEAUCHAMP
It’s 10:15.
ALBERT
I demand a respite until 10:30. Tell us, Châteaubrun, you should have brought us your savior. I ought to put him face-to-face with mine!
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Your savior, Albert? You have been saved, too? You?
DEBRAY
What can we do to reward these two benefactors of humanity? We have only the Montyon prize!
CHÂTEAUBRUN
And from what part of the world does this savior come to us?
ALBERT
Truly, I would be very embarrassed to say. When I invited him, it was nearly two years ago; it was in Rome, and who can say what road he’s been taking since then?
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Ah, so—then he’s the Wandering Jew?
ALBERT
Perhaps so, indeed.
DEBRAY
Do you think he’s capable of being punctual at least?
ALBERT
I think he’s capable of everything.
BEAUCHAMP
Observe that with the five minutes respite demanded we have only ten minutes.
ALBERT
Well, I’ve profited by speaking to you of my guest.
BEAUCHAMP
Is there a story from a news sheet that you are going to tell me?
ALBERT
Yes and something more curious beside.
BEAUCHAMP
Speak, then—for I see clearly I will miss the Chamber—and I must get back.
ALBERT
I was in Rome—it was two years ago during Carnival.
BEAUCHAMP
We know that.
ALBERT
Yes, but what you don’t know is that I was carried off by bandits.
DEBRAY
There were bandits.
ALBERT
And very hideous, in other words—wonderful. I found them wonderful to inspire fear. These gentlemen had kidnapped me and taken me to a very sad place, that they called the catacombs of Saint Sebastian. I was a prisoner against ransom, a miserly four thousand roman shillings or 26,000 francs. Unfortunately, I had only fifteen hundred; I was at the end of my travels. My credit was exhausted. I wrote to Frantz d’Epinay, who had traveled with me—and knew everything. The question was grave. If he hadn’t arrived at 6:00 in the morning with the four thousand shillings, at precisely 6:10, I was going to have to rejoin the blessed saints and glorious martyrs with whose relics, I had the honor of then finding myself.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
Well, Frantz arrived with the four thousand shillings?
ALBERT
No, he came purely and simply accompanied by the guest I announced to you, and who, I hope; I shall have the honor of presenting to you.
DEBRAY
Ah, that’s it. Why here’s a Hercules killing Cacus, like this gentleman, a Perseus delivering Andromeda?
ALBERT
No, he’s a man of my build, a little less.
BEAUCHAMP
He was armed to the teeth?
ALBERT
He didn’t even have knitting needles.
CHÂTEAUBRUN
He paid your ransom then?
ALBERT
He said two words in the ear of the chief bandit and I was free.
BEAUCHAMP
(laughing)
Then
