the first place, he didn’t fit with the image I had in my mind of queers. There was nothing feminine or repulsive about him, nothing like the faggots I had seen in the past swishing up and down Hollywood Boulevard. He couldn’t have been too much older than I was—I guessed about twenty-two, and pleasantly good-looking. Whatever his reasons were for being queer, it wasn’t because he couldn’t have gotten women.
I told him where to turn, and he pulled to a stop outside the shabby little house that was my home. “By the way, my name’s Glen,” he said, extending a hand to me.
“Mike,” I answered, giving his hand a sincere shake. I didn’t care what he was, or what he liked in bed, I had made up my mind that Glen was an okay guy.
He left after saying that maybe he would see me again, and I started up the steps to the house. It had been a strange evening for me, and a new experience, but I couldn’t say it was unpleasant.
In fact, I told myself as I went in the front door, it had been the most pleasant money I had ever earned.
CHAPTER TWO
My dad was sitting watching television as usual, the gray screen the only light in the room. He grunted and took another swallow of beer when I came into the room, his usual cheerful form of greeting.
I grunted an answer and started in the direction of the kitchen. “Your mother’s in bed with a headache,” he said as I left the room. “Don’t make a lot of noise.”
I grinned bitterly as I turned on the kitchen light. Her headache, I knew, had more to do with the two empty wine bottles in the garbage than anything else. I had tried, for a lot of years, to feel sorry for her, and even for him, but that feeling had long since departed from me. There was no reason why I should feel sorry for either of them. They had both made it plain enough that they hadn’t wanted me, and still didn’t. I had been an accident, an accident that had been used to convince my father to marry her. Having served that purpose, she had ceased to have any further use for me, and he had never tried to hide his resentment of me.
There wasn’t any love wasted anywhere in the family. I would have left long ago, too, but I had determined that I would finish school, and I knew how much harder that would be on my own—not that either of them did much to help; but at least this way I had a roof over my head, and as often as not there was something in the house to eat. Anyway, there were only a few days of school left, and after that I would be free to leave and make it on my own.
I drank a glass of milk before making my way back to the living room, to the corner that had been curtained off as my “bedroom.” The television was loud, as usual, and from time to time my dad would grunt or even manage a sound that was vaguely like a laugh.
I lay for a long time, staring at the white plaster of the ceiling, and thinking about the evening. One thing still worried me. I should have been sore, or even sickened, at what had happened. I had gone to bed with a man, and any way you looked at it, that was pretty queer. But I wasn’t queer, I was convinced of that.
I convinced myself, finally, that it had nothing to do with what I was or how I felt. I had done it for the sake of making money, money that I needed, and that was all. After that I fell asleep easily.
* * * *
Between finishing up things at school and working evenings at the grocery down the street, the week ended and Saturday came quickly. With the ten dollars I had earned, and the little extra I had managed to save, I was able to rent myself a dinner jacket to wear, buy a corsage for Karen, and pay for the tickets, with a couple of dollars left over for incidentals. It was costing more than I knew I should spend, but I was determined to make a night of it.
Karen was as pretty as a picture when I came to pick her up, and I knew from her smile that she thought I looked just as great. I had tried to borrow my dad’s car. He had stubbornly refused, but fortunately the school was only a couple of blocks from where Karen lived, so it wasn’t too far to walk.
The evening went smoothly enough. I wasn’t a great dancer, but I managed, and I had plenty of chances to sit out dances, as Karen was pretty popular. Any number of fellows came over to ask her to dance, and I offered no objection. After all, she was leaving with me, let them pant after her all they wanted.
The third time that Jerry Fields, the local football hero, came over, however, I began to get a little edgy. Jerry was the most popular fellow in the school, partly because of the hero status, and partly because of the big Thunderbird he drove, a slinky, blue affair guaranteed to turn any girl’s head.
And Karen was interested in him. I had seen her flirting with him often enough in the halls at school to know that, but thus far he hadn’t given her a tumble. Tonight, however, he was coming on like gangbusters, and Karen was obviously enjoying it. I was beginning to get a little uneasy as I watched them on the dance floor, Karen’s body pressed tightly against his massive frame.
“How about some air,” I suggested when she had come back to where I was sitting. She had danced three straight dances with Jerry.
“Oh, do we have to?” she pouted, giving me a wilted look.
“It’ll do you good,” I told her stubbornly, taking her hand to lead her across the decorated gym to the door that led outside. She was annoyed, but she came along.
The parking lot outside was filled with cars, but no people, and it was dark enough at the one end. I pulled her toward me, leaning against the fender of a car. “You know,” I said, trying to sound playful, “I could use a little of that attention you’re giving Jerry.”
She let me kiss her, but there wasn’t any enthusiasm in her response. When I let her go, she gave me a bored look.
“I think we should go back in,” she said coolly.
I was fighting hard not to lose my temper, but it wasn’t easy. I had spent almost every penny I had on this date, and all she could think of was getting back inside so some other guy could paw her over for a while.
“It’s after eleven,” I told her evenly. “Maybe we’d better be getting home.”
“My parents said I could stay out late tonight,” she answered, her voice just as firm and cold.
“I want to go.” I said it sharply. I didn’t care now if she knew I was sore.
“Then go,” she said flatly, and with that she turned away from me and she was gone.
I stared after her for a long time, seething with anger. I started once to return to the dance and checked myself. If I went back in now, there would be trouble. Instead, I decided finally to walk around and cool off before I went after her.
I walked for almost twenty minutes, circling about several blocks before I made my way finally back to the school. I was calmer now, and actually sorry that I had taken such a bossy attitude toward Karen. After all, this was a big night for both of us, and I was a fool to risk spoiling it. With any kind of luck, I could look forward to getting a lot further with Karen tonight.
Several of the fellows greeted me as I came back into the gym, and one or two of them gave we what I thought were funny looks. It was a few minutes before I began to catch on, and by that time I had come to the realization that Karen wasn’t there. I even went into the hall and stood for a time outside the girl’s restroom, to see if she came out of there, but she didn’t. I knew before I went back in to the dance, that Jerry was gone also.
