EVANDRE
What? The child is in a hurry to reign. That’s natural.
PORCIUS
Indeed, it’s true—but, between ourselves, the augurs are not favorable. I had the sacred chicken shut in its cage and it refused to eat.
EVANDRE
Because it wasn’t hungry.
PORCIUS
You jest, impious one that you are? Will you still laugh if I tell you that this morning, by mistake, I put on my left boot before my right?
EVANDRE
Presaging misfortune and death.
PORCIUS
That was the opinion of the great Augustus and it’s mine?
EVANDRE
Decidedly, my old Procius, fear will turn your head.
(going to meet other patricians who enter)
Be welcome, Seneca, long life to you Numa, your hand Aeneas. —Any news?
AENEAS
Everything is going beautifully. I left Caligula. Together we visited the barracks on the Palatine Hill.
EVANDRE
And it’s still this way that the cadaver of Plautus will be dragged to the pillory.?
AENEAS
Still.
PORCIUS
That brave Plautus! That excellent Plautus! When I think that yesterday I supped with him. You know he had the most admirable cooks in the world for dormouse in poppy juice. Poor friend! And for benjoin sauce. —Generous colleague! Without mentioning that Falernian of 100 leaves which dated from his ancestor Opimius! We emerged from his palace staggering a bit. He forgot to bow his head in passing a statue of Tiberius—the freedman of an informer saw him and this morning he was found dead in his bed. P Plautu, o best of men, to think that we will no longer drink together.
SENECA
Silence, Porcius! To think of his bowels when it’s a question of saving the country—it’s indecent!
PORCIUS
Right! Now here’s Seneca preaching abstinence. But why do you scorn wine and good cheer?
SENECA
Because I am a philosopher.
PORCIUS
Come off it. Because you have bad digestion!
EVANDER
There, there—no quarreling, I beg you. It’s necessary to avenge Plautus.
PORCIUS
Yes! But the people? Are you sure of the populace?
SENECA
I will harangue them.
PORCIUS (aside)
This scrawny philosopher is good only for making phrases.
(Natalis emerges from Procula’s shop.)
AENEAS
Ha! Here’s Natalis.
NATALIS
Imprudents that you are. Don’t stand around in groups like this in this square, Let’s go into Nerva’s.
ALL:
Let’s go in.
AURELIUS
Halt right there my noble friends.
EVANDER
What does this bone head of an Aurelius want with us?
NATALIS (low)
Let’s avoid him.
(aloud)
Evening Aurelius, Evening. We are expected somewhere.
AURELIUS
Stay put, I tell you.
NATALIS
But—
AURELIUS
You are conspiring. Very good. I’m one of you.
EVANDER
Are you drunk?
AURELIUS
No. Unfortunately, I cannot even get high.
PORCIUS (aside)
Poor man!
AURELIUS
So you are conspiring, right? I’m with you. Oh, first of all ff you don’t want me, I’ll denounce you. It’s true, it’s already been done, no question.
PORCIUS
Huh?
AURELIUS
To conspire under old Tiberius without being denounced,—why, that would be a prodigy, since even those who do not conspire are denounced! Aren’t there informers everywhere? In the friend that embraces you, in the woman you love, in the air that goes by, in the flowers that bloom, in the tomb that closes?
EVANDER
Shut up, wretch, shut up!
AURELIUS
Not at all, at all. By all the Gods of Hell, I will say all I have to say. I have a flux of eloquence like the philosopher Seneca.
NATALIS
But you intend to ruin us!
AURELIUS
I’m ruining myself with you.
PORCIUS
Ah, the mad man!
AURELIUS
Informers everywhere, always informers! I knew a son who denounced his father; a sister, her brother; a wife, her husband—my right hand will denounce my left! Raise your eyes to heaven—it’s a crime, be out or come in, laugh or weep, be serious or distracted, active or idle, walk, run, listen, reply, cough too loud, blow your nose in a certain way—all that’s a crime! The informer is there. Roman, he must die—Tiberius insists on it. Tiberius
