rest of us with a wry smile.
Mr. Clemens threw up his hands. “Yes, and with about as much conclusion. Say, Ed, instead of this stuff, why don’t you just get out the cards and deal a couple of hands of monte? At least then we’d all know what we were getting into.”
“Why, I thought I told you, Sam, I gave up that rowdy way of life,” said McPhee. “It’s a deception and a swindle, and I don’t mind saying I’m ashamed of myself for having done it all those years. But I’m a changed man, Sam. I done seen the light, thanks to little Miss Martha here.” He reached over and patted his wife’s hand, and she blushed again—very prettily, I thought. I would never understand why she had married Slippery Ed. He must have been old enough to be her father—if not her grandfather!
“I suppose it would be easier for us to evaluate Mrs. McPhee’s gift if we’d actually seen her at work,” said Susy Clemens. “As it is, how can we judge her when we’ve only heard of this gift secondhand?” It was her first indication of more than a vague interest in the conversation—perhaps understandable, since she must have heard many of her father’s old friends and acquaintances make fantastic claims of one sort or another.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right, Susy,” said her mother. “And at the very least, I think we should allow Mr. and Mrs. McPhee the benefit of the doubt while they’re guests in our home.” She said the latter with a significant glance toward Mr. Clemens, who made a grimace but said nothing.
“Well, young lady, if you’d like a demonstration, I reckon that’s right easy,” said McPhee, rubbing his hands together. “We’ve got a small group coming to our place for a meeting—quality folks, a real English baronet and an important doctor, and their wives—and we could use a few more to fill out the table. If you all want to come see what it’s all about, we’d be pleased to accommodate you.”
“A meeting? Do you mean a séance?” asked Susy Clemens. Her eyes were suddenly brighter as she turned to face the McPhees. By this point, she had abandoned all pretense of boredom and disinterest.
“Séance is the common term, yes,” said Martha McPhee, smiling at Susy. “I prefer to call it a sitting—I’m afraid the other word has been tarnished by association with people whose motives have not always been aboveboard. But I will second Edward’s invitation. I do not know whether what you see or hear will convince you, Mr. Clemens—frankly, I cannot know in advance what you will see. But I would welcome you and your family as visitors—no, as participants—in our sitting tomorrow night. And then you may draw your own conclusions.” She settled back on the davenport, with a modest air.
“What do you say, Sam?” said McPhee, again rubbing his palms together. The mannerism was beginning to annoy me, though perhaps the old cardplayer needed to do something with his hands. “I’ll reserve seats for the four of you—the missus and the little lady, and Mr. Wentworth here. That’s four free passes—no charge, none at all. Are you game?” He beamed at us, as if only a fool would turn down such a generous offer.
Mrs. Clemens looked at her husband, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I can’t see any harm in accepting the invitation,” she ventured.
Mr. Clemens sat scowling at his now empty glass. “No harm other than lending my name and reputation to one of Slippery Ed’s schemes,” he said at last. “I can see the newspapers: ‘Mark Twain Attends a Séance!’ in eighty-point type. I don’t want to give you that kind of implicit endorsement—you or any other medium.” As he said this, he pointed directly at Martha McPhee, whose tranquil face belied any notion that his tirade might apply to her. I thought he was about to continue, but then his daughter’s dejected expression caught his eye, and he paused.
Seeing her father hesitate, Susy seized the opportunity. “Please, Father, I think we should go. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to hear the spirits talk.” She went over to his fireside chair and put her hand on his shoulder, a look of hope upon her face, and Mr. Clemens was lost. As I had observed during the few days since my arrival, both he and his wife were concerned with Susy’s low spirits.
“Damnation,” he said, under his breath, but all his resistance was gone. He turned back to Martha. “I’ll come to your meeting. But only if you guarantee you won’t use my attendance to promote your schemes in any way, and that I’m free to write whatever I want about the whole mess—or to write nothing at all. I’m not going to shill for you, and I want you to understand that if I see anything that looks like trickery, I’ll expose it without hesitation.” He slapped his hand on the arm of the chair to punctuate this point.
Martha’s face never changed. “Why, Mr. Clemens, I would certainly never expect you to compromise yourself. I think I can undertake to promise—for myself and for Edward—that we will make no representation of any sort concerning your attendance at our sitting. As I told you, I have no idea what, if anything, will occur tomorrow night, so of course I cannot anticipate what you will think of it. But I would hardly expect you to write anything contrary to your principles, and even less to keep silent about something you thought dishonest. I have read your books, you know.” She smiled and shook her head at him, as if addressing her marks to a slightly dull schoolboy.
“Well, maybe you have,” said Mr. Clemens. He looked at his wife, who smiled, then up at Susy, who positively beamed. Finally he looked at me. “You know these two, Wentworth. They’d play Barnum himself for a sucker. Is there any reason to think they wouldn’t try to hoodwink me?”
I looked at Martha and Slippery Ed, sitting next to one another on the long davenport, then turned to Mr. Clemens. “Quite frankly, sir, I don’t think Mr. McPhee would hesitate one moment to try to deceive you, if he thought it was to his advantage.” McPhee bristled, but I held up my hand and continued. “On the other hand, I don’t think he has much chance of succeeding.”
Mr. Clemens chuckled. “You give me too much credit, Wentworth—not that I entirely object, but it’s not what I hired you for. Still, maybe you’re right. And maybe it’s even possible that Slippery Ed’s turned over a new leaf—it wouldn’t be the first time I’d been surprised. Well, if Livy and Susy want to go see this séance with their own eyes, I reckon they’ll need a couple of gentlemen to escort them. But I warn you, Ed—if I see a single word in the papers, or anywhere else, that looks as if you’re trying to exploit my name and reputation, I’ll write an expose that’ll make you wish you’d never learned to read.”
“Why, Sam, I wish you’d learn to forgive and forget—” began McPhee.
“I can forgive—that’s no problem,” said Mr. Clemens. “But a man who forgets a deliberate injury is nothing but a fool. And London may have its share of fools, but Samuel Langhorne Clemens ain’t one of ’em. I remember the old days on the river—the time you got kicked off the Natchez for dealing bottoms, the time you jumped off a boat in midstream to get away from all the boys that wanted to tar and feather you, the times they threw you in the hoosegow in Vicksburg, and Memphis, and Napoleon, and St. Louis . . . There’s stories enough to keep my typewriter rolling for a good long time, with nothing but simon-pure truth for fuel. One more thing—if I see one word about my wife or daughter, I’ll make you wish I’d cut off your face the minute you stuck it in my front door.”
“There won’t be no need for that, Sam,” said McPhee, glumly. “I know how to respect a lady as much as the next man.”
“Then are we agreed?” said Martha, clapping her hands together. “You will all be there tomorrow night?” She was the picture of delighted innocence; she might as well have been planning a picnic in the park. Whatever my reservations about her “gift,” it was hard to deny her talent—she rivaled any actress I
