style="font-size:15px;"> “We both know I’d never sue you,” Emmitt scoffed. “You’re just making shit up because you get off controlling my life.”
“Life isn’t always about you and what you need, Em,” Gray said in that calm zen way of his that pissed Emmitt off. “When my practice merged with Rome General, I had to adopt an entire binder of rules and a board I answer to. We can’t all run around the world making up the rules as we go.”
As far as direct hits went, that one sank his proverbial battleship.
Emmitt didn’t globe-trot just for the hell of it. He had bills to pay, a college fund to contribute to. His job afforded him the opportunity to take Paisley on amazing trips around the world and explore places she’d never know of otherwise. She wasn’t old enough to have a driver’s license, but she had a stamp in her passport from four of the seven continents. Her upcoming graduation present—visiting the penguins of Antarctica—would bring that number to a whopping five.
From the moment Paisley had come into Emmitt’s life, Gray had always managed to have the advantage. He had a say in what weekends and holidays Emmitt got to spend with his own kid, how Paisley was raised. He even had the nerve to school Emmitt on what kind of gift was considered “too extravagant.”
Yes, Gray had been in Paisley’s life since before she could remember. And yes, Emmitt was thankful every day that Michelle had someone to help her raise Paisley. But just because Gray had showed up first to the race—a race Emmitt didn’t even know he’d been entered in until Paisley had turned five—that didn’t make him a better dad.
“You’re right, I don’t play by the rules. Funny how if it benefits you, like when I didn’t go after custody when Michelle died, it’s the noble thing. But when there’s nothing in it for you, I’m being selfish.”
Gray went so very still he didn’t even breathe. He just sat as if trying to register what Emmitt had said. When he spoke, it was barely a whisper, “You considered going for custody?”
“Damn right I did. She’s my kid.”
“She’s mine too,” Gray said, and Emmitt watched as the truth settled on the other man like a concrete slab. “Are you still? Thinking of going for custody?”
“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer to a difficult question he’d been struggling with since the day Paisley had called him in hysterical tears to tell him about Michelle’s accident. At the time, he knew leaving her in her childhood home was the right call.
But a lot had happened since then, and Emmitt had started questioning his decision.
“Paisley is my life,” Gray said. “The day I asked Michelle to marry me, I also asked Paisley if I could be her stepdad. And the day of the accident when I went to see Michelle, I promised I’d take care of Paisley.”
“That’s the thing, man,” Emmitt said, standing so he could face Gray head-on. “You always assume you’re the only one fit to take care of her. Did it ever cross your mind that she has a dad to keep her safe and wipe away the tears? That she has me?” Emmitt pressed his palm to his heart, as if the act alone would heal everything.
“How could I? You never let me forget,” Gray accused. “But you always manage to forget that I’m the guy who’s raised her since she was small.”
“Not by my choice. If I’d known I had a kid, I would have been there from day one.”
“I know.” Gray sat down, resting his forehead in his palm. “Michelle said it was her biggest regret. But she also made it clear, she wanted Paisley to live with me.”
Emmitt sat too. Or maybe his legs gave under the mounting insecurity that nugget of information had caused. “I know.”
“Stability and routine are extremely important for a kid who is suffering loss. Mixing things up now could have horrible repercussions.”
“I know. You don’t need to lecture me.”
“I mean, my house is the only home she knows.”
“I know, Gray. Which is why I didn’t sue.” That and because Paisley had told him at the funeral that she wanted to stay with Gray. It wasn’t a great conversation; in fact, it made Emmitt question what he was doing wrong. It seemed the longer he stayed in Rome, the more problematic his presence became, until every step forward with his family felt as if it complicated their routine—which was so vital to keeping Paisley’s life on track.
After the funeral, tensions were at an all-time high, and Paisley struggled to keep it together, spending more and more time away from home to avoid talking about her feelings. The last thing she needed was one more dad asking her how she was handling things.
In the end, Emmitt felt about as effective as a pinball machine flipper. All he wanted was to be her rock during that painful time. What he became was one more bumper for her to collide with, so he accepted an assignment where he felt useful—and Paisley had one less person to worry about.
“She’s my world. Especially now with Michelle gone.” Gray’s voice hollowed out on the last word. “She’s as much my kid as if she were biologically mine. Loving someone more would be virtually impossible.”
And when he met Emmitt’s gaze, a blast of raw agony hit him square in the chest. It was almost as humbling as the guy’s love for Paisley. That was what always kept Emmitt in check. That another man in the world loved Paisley as fiercely as Emmitt.
Last night, Annie had implied he rattled people for amusement, and he’d quickly laughed it off. Listening now to Gray, Emmitt didn’t feel much like laughing.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “She isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Where she wants to stay is her choice. I don’t like that it’s your place, but I’d never put her in a situation where she felt she had to choose between us. And I’d never stand in the way of her happiness.”
“Same,” Gray said with a rough chuckle, calling a truce.
Emmitt didn’t mind ruffling the good doctor’s lab cost occasionally, knocking him off his high horse. Michelle had always let the guys have their fun with each other—because they were all jackasses—but now they’d lost their buffer.
They’d lost the heart of their patchwork family. And they were all feeling her absence. The loss of her love.
“Paisley loves you, Em. She loves when you are around, and when you’re gone she talks about you constantly. You’re the fun dad, the one she brags about. Her love for me doesn’t detract from the way she loves you.”
The warm burst Emmitt usually experienced when talking about his daughter was slow to come. This time it was overshadowed by a dull longing that had slowly built over the past few months.
God, he was homesick. But for some unexplained reason, Emmitt didn’t feel as if he’d made it home yet. In thirty minutes he was going to see his baby for the first time in months, and he felt about as uncertain as the first day he’d met her.
Chapter 8
For once, Annie wanted to know where she was going to land before she took off.
As Rome General’s
