be meaningful.
Having two children under two years of age will press you with physical as well as emotional demands. Keep in mind that this has been handled by many before you and that you too will come through with flying colors. While it will be more tiring in the beginning, your children—closer in age—will be better playmates for each other and you’ll be done with diapers and baby stuff sooner rather than later.
Rather than trying to make your first child grow up faster, it will probably do better for everyone if you just lower your expectations and let your toddler be “babyish” too. Rather than trying to prepare your child for the baby or explain the birthing process, try to spend extra time enjoying your older child.
Preparing Your Older Child or Teenager
• Look upon yourpregnancy as an excellent opportunity toreadabout and discuss human sexuality, reproduction, and family life with your child. Sign up online for a weekly in utero developmental information by e-mail at places such as www.babyzone.com.
• Don’t insist that your youngster read straight through every book you supply. Leave books and magazine articles in convenient places for casual (and private) scanning.
• To help your children understand how difficult it is for you to pick up things left on the floor, strap a large stuffed animal or pillow around their waist, and then ask them to help you pick up toys.
• Don’t make your older child dread the baby’s birth by talking a great deal about how much help he or she is going to be.
• Give a special “baby notebook” to a child who would enjoy keeping a journal and designate him or her as the “Baby Reporter.”
• Let your child help you compile a list of people and their phone numbers who he or she can be responsible for calling to announce when the new baby is born.
• Prepare yourself to deal with the fact that your teenager may be embarrassed about the fact that you are pregnant and that there will be an infant in the family. Talk about any other families you know who have “late” babies and point out the fun they have.
When the New Baby Arrives
• Make every effort to hire or enlist household and/or new baby help so you can spend some one-on-one time with your older “baby” daily, or at least weekly. It’s a good investment in your family life.
• Make time for yourself, even if it’s only a half hour of privacy or a nap. If you fall apart, you’re no good to either child.
Preparing Your Pet for a New Baby
Whether your pet is a long time family resident or new since the birth of your first child, you’ll find your pet will have to make accommodations for a new baby in the house. A pet, like a child, may be put out more often by the changes in their routine than actual jealousy of the baby.
• Before bringing your baby home, take your pet to the vet for a routine health exam and necessary vaccinations. If you’ve been planning on neutering or declawing your pet, do so before the baby arrives. Have your pets get use to having their nails clipped on a regular basis.
• Be sure your dog is free of fleas. A trip to the groomer in your last month or while you’re at the hospital might be helpful.
• Allow your pet to explore and investigate baby items and furnishings before the baby arrives. You might even send home a receiving blanket or a piece of the baby’s clothing from the hospital before the baby comes home to introduce your baby’s scent to your pet.
• Invite friends with babies and toddlers to visit during your pregnancy so your pet can spend some time around “little people.”
• Don’t let a cat get use to sleeping in the baby’s crib. Discourage a pet from jumping into the baby’s bed or changing table by applying double-stick tape to some of the surfaces.
• Dogs, more than cats, can be disturbed by a baby’s cries. Make a recording of a crying baby during your pregnancy—(you probably have at least one friend with a crying baby who can accommodate you!)—and play it occasionally. Stroke your dog and speak in soothing sounds while the tape is played.
• If a baby’s room is off-limits to your pooch, you may wish to invest in a baby gate. If this is true for your cat, you may wish to install a screen door.
• Reward a dog for good behavior when around your newborn.
Sharing Age-Appropriate Reproductive Information
• Show your readiness to answer questions about birth and reproduction by your tone of voice and your patience. Give assurance that it’s all right to ask any question.
• Use the correct words for the parts and functions of the body in your discussions. They’re no harder to learn than other words, and they won’t have to be unlearned later. (For instance, use the word uterus, not stomach.)
• Get suitable books about babies and birth very early in your pregnancy, perhaps even before you break the news to your child. Read them together and make them available for casual perusal by the child.
• Don’t be surprised if your child aged two or so has no questions, or very few, about the baby. A statement like, “Mothers have a special place where the baby grows until it’s ready to be born” may be all that’s required in the way of explaining reproduction.
• Be prepared to repeat whatever facts you do give many times.
• Expect lots of questions from your preschooler. He or she will probably want details about “what’s going on inside there”—how the baby eats, sleeps, goes to the bathroom, and other such practical information. Try not to answer more than what’s asked.
• On the other hand, don’t be alarmed if your preschooler doesn’t ask any questions. For some children, the baby doesn’t seem real until it actually appears. Often children need the physical presence of the baby before they become interested and start asking questions.
We showed our child pictures of intrauterine development, and took him to childbirth films. He saw a sex education special on PBS. If we had it to do over, we would not prepare him so well. We put too much emphasis on the new baby, and he reacted.
Dana Clark, Santa Barbara, CA
When our last child was on the way, our girls were 7 and 8. I bought two very good books with lots of pictures explaining the hows and whys of birth. They loved seeing how “their” baby was developing. They were as excited as my husband and I were. It’s been three years now, and the poor “baby” has had three mothers—he can’t get away with much!
Susan Lipke, Harietta, MI
• If you have the feeling that your child is taking an “if-I-ignore-it-it-will-go-away”
