We can always try and kill that heifer later.”
The thought of possibly killing Ima Hellraiser—someone she’d just met and already didn’t like—calmed Birdie as she went over and extended her hand to her. “I take no offense,” Birdie said. “Can we get down to business now?”
Suddenly Ima didn’t quite like the new complacent attitudes of the visitors. Normally, she’d have had them shaking in their boots within five minutes. However, they were paying for her services, not her approval or friendship, so down to business they would get.
“Here’s the way I see it,” Ima said. “We all need to take a vacation.”
“A vacation? You’re gonna get this man with a vacation?” Birdie asked.
Needy was beginning to think Ima had finally lost her mind, but she’d known the woman long enough to hear her out. If Ima did things the traditional way she wouldn’t be so much in demand. “Let her speak,” Needy told Birdie. “After all, she ain’t normal.”
Again, Ima knew that Needy had slid in a nasty comment but it was okay. She’d make Needy pay later. With Birdie standing in her living room, Ima just knew she’d hit the motherlode. The hurt, anguished and embarrassed look on Birdie’s face told Ima all she needed to know.
Ima was about to get paid.
It took the three women about two hours to come to an agreement about the disposal of Lyon Lipps’ mental, financial and, possibly, physical being. All during that time Needy and Birdie had moved from room to room, opening windows trying to catch a breeze before Ima immediately closed the windows behind them. It was disturbing to both Birdie and Needy that while they sat drenched in their clothes, Ima kept saying that she was chilly and the cat kept cowering over in a corner like it knew something dreadful was about to happen.
“So then, it’s agreed that we will take a vacation?” Ima asked with authority. She knew the answer but asked the question anyway.
“It makes sense once you lay it out. That Lyon Lipps certainly won’t turn down a vacation—especially a free one,” Needy added. The paper she’d grabbed to fan herself with was ripped to shreds from her frantic use and little bits of paper were shooting around the table. In fact, there was so much shredded paper flying around the three women sat there looking like they were trapped inside a snow globe turned upside down.
“Let me get this straight,” Birdie finally said. “Lyon Lipps has made a fool of Cill’s sister, Jessie, Petunia, and me, but I’m the one who has to pay for your services and for this vacation?”
As Birdie spoke, she realized that she also suspected that somehow, Lyon Lipps had done something to Mother Blister, but she couldn’t prove it. All she had to go by was the extra-disturbed look on Mother Blister’s face earlier and perhaps that’s why she didn’t throw her name onto the victim list. “I just don’t see why we can’t split the expenses.”
Birdie looked around at Ima and Needy. They had blank looks on their faces like she’d asked them their true ages. She finally said aloud what she’d started to suspect. “Am I being asked to pay this entire bill because I’m the only white woman in the group and y’all think I can afford it?”
It was out in the open now.
“I thought you knew that,” Needy answered.
“Of course we’d ask you to pay for it.” Ima added, “It’s all part of the Reparations Act.”
“Huh?” Birdie said in amazement. “What Reparations Act? What does it have to do with me?”
By the time Needy and Ima finished with their customized version of slavery and its awful consequences as it pertained to them, personally, Birdie had thrown in a set of Louis Vutton luggage for the three of them. She also spent the next ten minutes apologizing for the horrific acts of her ancestors. Birdie was so caught up in her supposed guilt that she’d forgotten that her grandparents hadn’t arrived in America from Europe until 1908.
Birdie’s relief at absolving her guilt took her into generosity overdrive. She promised to take Ima and Needy shopping for new outfits at the Cost A Plenty boutique. When she finally slowed down enough to take a deep breath, she realized that she really didn’t mind that perhaps her new best home girls were taking advantage.
“We accept your apology and the gifts of luggage as well as the new clothes,” Ima said, sheepishly, after determining that Birdie wasn’t much of a fighter. She was about to choke from trying to keep her laughter from escaping.
Needy wanted to feel guilty about taking advantage of Birdie, but she couldn’t. Seeing someone else become the butt of a joke was a welcome relief. Hearing Ima apologize almost sent her over the edge. She slapped one hand over her mouth to stifle the losing battle with her laughter and pushed a pile of papers towards Birdie. “Take another look at these brochures. Just pick one and we’ll take it from there.”
“You pick one. After all, since I’m paying for all this it’s the least you can do.”
Needy’s eyes locked with Birdie’s. Now is not the time for her to grow some courage. Birdie wouldn’t look away. Reasonable doubt tugged at Needy, but she decided to ignore it.
Ima’s sense of drama ignited. If she read the two women’s body language correctly, and she was sure she did, there was a seed of confrontation germinating. Evil gardener that she was, she’d water it later with a few well-placed lies.
Needy carefully scanned each brochure, finally settling on the one with the most colorful cover. As she slammed the brochure down in the center of the table, diabolical smiles spread across Ima and Birdie’s faces.
“Oh yeah, this is gonna be wonderful.” Birdie suddenly felt invigorated. “Getting even may be expensive but you can’t put a price on what I’m feeling right now.”
“Why shouldn’t we go on a breathtaking cruise? And, I mean that literally.” Needy’s fat cheeks plumped with joy.
“It’s sailing to the Southern Caribbean. I’ve never been to that part.” Birdie’s thin fingers flipped through the brochure and her enthusiasm mounted. “It starts off in Miami, Florida and sails to Mexico, St. Maartens and Jamaica.”
Needy pushed her chair back and leapt up. “This is a gift from heaven.”
“It’s not really a gift if I’m paying for it,” Birdie reminded her.
Birdie might’ve as well have used sign language because Needy didn’t hear a word said as she reveled in her imagination. “We’ll be on the high seas eight days and seven nights on a ship. Elbow to elbow with an abundance of single and available men. I’m getting that old feeling again.” Needy had a smile that seemed to emanate from her very core.
“Listen up! Earth to Needy!” Ima roared, slapping the back of Needy’s chair to startle her, which caused her to take her seat again.
“This is not about getting you a man.” Ima continued, “Keep to the plan. It’s about payback.”
The smile vanished from Needy’s face faster than her money around the first of the month. How was she going to stick to the plan of getting back at Lyon Lipps when she could be getting a man? That particular cruise was very expensive. In her mind, any man who could afford it had to be someone of substance and financial
