than fine by me; they were seriously frightening entities.
That left the damned, the demons, and God. If the damned could escape their punishment, they deserved to leave Hell. Demons had no other place to go, so it wasn’t like we were trapped in an Underworld Roach Motel. As for God, well, considering that the Almighty created basically everything in existence, I seriously doubted that the Gates would keep God out.
Even though Hell didn’t need the Wall or its Gates, mortals expected them, so we demonfolk obliged. Sweeping up more than ten meters high, the colossal stones of the Wall gleamed, polished to a high shine thanks to the tremendous heat of Hell. At the last Time of Consensus, the Wall stretched more than 7,000 kilometers long. Given that Hell altered its shape to accommodate all the damned, the number was an approximation at best.
“AHHHH!”
My paramour’s shrieks increased as he stared at the various denizens of Hell loitering around the Wall, waiting for their turn to be admitted with their charges and pass through the Gates. I easily recognized other succubi and incubi, no matter what physical shape they currently wore. Whether a sixteen-meter gargoyle or a buxom redheaded midget, all Seducers were creatures of the demon king Asmodai, and we all recognized one another for what we were through a psychic seduction sense. I acknowledged my brethren as we passed, giving my ass a bit of a wiggle. They, in turn, answered with assorted lewd gestures. One of the incubi, my pal Daun, did this complicated thing with his thumb and pinky, and I felt my groin tighten in response.
Mental note: Speak with Daun later. I purred just thinking about it.
The rest of the waiting demons were tougher to distinguish. Both the Gluttons and the Lazy had flesh rippling over their various bodies. In their natural forms, the Greedy and the Envious all were shades of green, although Coveters always had hypnotic golden eyes. The Arrogant were easy to spot; they all radiated an unholier-than-thou attitude that got under my skin. I didn’t note any Berserkers, but I hadn’t expected to; those demons of Wrath always transported their catches directly to the Lake of Fire for judgment. If they didn’t, things would get…messy.
The various mortal charges, for the most part, all screamed, gibbered, and wailed, no matter which member of the demon horde they belonged to. I shook my head. Mortals. It was so hard to tell them apart. They all looked the same: Terrified.
Cringing before me, my lover raised the volume on his own screeches. His eyes darted about wildly, a fine sheen of panic making them particularly bright. He tore his ethereal hair, which wisped away in smoke after he yanked it from his head. Gazing upon the vast, cratered plain outside of Hell that eventually gave way to Limbo, the man summed up the whole of his situation in one word:
“AHHHH!”
Rolling my eyes, I resigned myself to listening to his cries for the next ninety minutes or so. Screaming was okay—that went along with the territory—but it did get tiring on the ears. Some demons claimed that a mortal’s shrieks could sing them to sleep. Me, I’d rather listen to Britney Spears.
“Jezebel! There you are!”
I grinned up at Megaera as she flew down to me. At the moment, she sported long brown hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. A white toga draped around her form; I guessed she was doing the Greek Muse look, which was all the rage with some of the Fallen.
Around me, demons backed away, giving Meg a wide berth. Most of my brethren were nervous around the Furies, but Meg and I went back a long, long way. “Hey, girl!” I said. “What’s up?”
She would have been breathless if she actually breathed. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She noticed the man next to me, who blanched from the attention. To me, she asked, “Can you get away?”
I motioned with my chin to my lover. “I’m sort of busy at the moment. After I turn in my charge, I have to file my receipt.” Waiting to get into Hell was nothing compared with trying to get paid. I had planned on spending the better part of the next three days waiting in line.
Meg blew out a sigh. “As soon as you’re done, call me.” She leapt into the sky and disappeared somewhere inside the Abyss. I had no idea what Meg wanted, but knowing her, it meant she was up to no good.
Most excellent. I loved looking forward to things.
My lover and I walked slowly—the man’s abject terror had slowed him to a crawl, so every few meters or so I’d have to give him a push to get his legs working again, to the amusement of the demons around us. More than once, my charge threw himself to the ground, where he’d roll on the black cinders and rocks until I hefted him up by his armpits. It took us nearly fifteen minutes to reach the back of the line.
“Oh God…oh God…oh God…”
A smile played on my lips. “Wrong direction, sweetie.”
He stared at me, wide-eyed. His soul had taken on a distinct grayish tone, which dampened the obsidian and scarlet swirls. He was nearly petrified with fear.
So cool.
After a few moments of him trying to hyperventilate, he realized he wasn’t breathing anymore. Finally he stammered, “Can we maybe make a deal?”
“A deal?” I blinked, incredulous. “Really?”
“You get me out of here, I’ll give you whatever you want.”
I threw back my head and laughed. Damn, it had been a long, long time since I’d had a charge so completely clueless. After I got my guffaws under control, I said, “Sweetie, what do you think landed you here in the first place?”
He paled to a sickly ashen color. “What do you mean?”
“At one point, you made a deal with one of my associates. And here you are, fulfilling your end.”
“But…No, I never did that! I never signed anything!”
I sighed. “Why do mortals always think that you have to sign something to make it binding? You were a lawyer. Haven’t you heard of a verbal agreement?”
“But—”
“Look,” I said, “if you seriously think there’s been a mistake, take it up with your Case Worker.”
He swallowed. “Case Worker?”
“It’ll add to the paperwork, but if you’re sure there’s been an error, we’ll have to backtrack.”
Weakly, he repeated, “Paperwork?”
I put a hand on his shoulder, enjoying the way he flinched from my talons grazing his form. “Sweetie, this is Hell. We invented paperwork.”
That was a lie, but hey, I was a demon. I was supposed to lie.
My lover’s color continued to bleed out, leaving him marbled with shots of pink. Staring down at the blackened ash by his feet, he asked, “I’m really in Hell?”
I squeezed his shoulder. “Not yet. Based on this line, we’re not getting you inside for about another two hours.”
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