and my sexual encounters.
The next day, while I sat on the sofa feeding May, I heard Fred and Rose whispering together in the kitchen. When I put May down in her pram, they both came and sat down either side of me. Fred said, ‘We’ve got something to ask you, Caroline. We’d like you to join our “sex circle”. You like sex now, so how about it?’
To say I was shocked would be an understatement! Trying not to sound as scared as I felt, I asked, ‘What do you mean “sex circle”?’
Fred replied, ‘You know – me, you, Rose. You like Rose, don’t you?’
I didn’t answer that question. Fred went on, ‘Yeah, you, me and Rose and a few men friends of ours, you’d enjoy it. You haven’t tried a black man yet, have you? You wouldn’t want a white man again after being spoilt by a black man, they have bigger dicks, you know, and they know how to fuck. They’d fuck the arse off you. How about it then, are you game for it?’
I couldn’t believe that Rose was sitting there letting him speak to me like that. I tried to make light of it and giggled. ‘Tell him to behave, Rose.’
But Rose was grinning at me. Nudging me in the side with her elbow, she said, ‘Oh, go on, Car, you’ll enjoy it, give it a try.’
I could see it wasn’t a joke. He was serious and so was Rose. I told them I wasn’t into that kind of thing, but they weren’t convinced, so I lost my temper and told them I thought I should leave and go back home.
Then Fred got nasty and snarled, ‘Do you want me to tell your mum and Tony what you’ve been up to, ’cause if I do they won’t want anything to do with you any more, will they? And that stepfather of yours won’t want you back living in his house, will he?’
I started to cry, feeling trapped – and I only had myself to blame for behaving like a little slut. Rose put her arm around me and told me to think about it. Fred got up and left, muttering something about ‘fucking lesbians’, telling Rose to have it sorted by the time he came back.
Rose had a visitor and went to her room with him, leaving me downstairs feeling sorry for myself. While she was still busy, Roy, one of the two black men who had called to see Rose earlier in the week, came round. He said hello to me and I just burst into tears, much to his embarrassment.
I wondered if he was a member of the sex circle, so when he asked me what was wrong I told him of the obscene thing that Fred and Rose had asked me to do. He seemed genuinely sorry for me and asked me if I would like him to take me home, so I sneaked up to my room, packed what few belongings I had and Roy drove me back home to Cinderford.
When I arrived home, Mum was surprised to see me and asked me why I’d left the Wests. I told her that I hadn’t got on with Fred, and left it at that.
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