was my usual position for self-pleasuring, but it suddenly seemed funny, as if one hand were trying to keep the other from escaping. This time maybe it was.
I touched my middle finger to my clit. I was already wet, and in fact, I’d been tingly down there since my talk with Caroline. My heart was a taiko drum, hammering louder and faster, and I feared for a moment that I might come in a few strokes and blow the assignment.
I took a few deep breaths and forced my finger into a lazier rhythm, teasing flicks rather than a desperate, home-stretch strumming.
And then, suddenly, I knew I was no longer alone. My eyes were closed, but I could feel him walk into the room. I smelled him, too, Old Spice aftershave and a hint of male sweat. He didn’t visit me every time I touched myself, but he’d been coming regularly almost from the beginning. I never saw his face, but I knew he was an older man from his voice, a bit hazy, as if he were calling through a door, but deep and smooth and utterly confident I would do everything he commanded.
‘Pull down the covers, Lydia,’ he said softly. ‘You know I like to see your naked pussy when you play with yourself. Much better than watching a twitching little lump of hand jiggling away under the blanket.’
I felt a sweet stabbing sensation low in my belly, lust and shame all twined together. Obediently I pushed the blanket down so that anyone standing at the bottom of my bed would have a fine view of my lower half, thighs parted, vulva exposed.
‘What’s this I see beside you? Are you going to do something naughty with that brush?’
Reluctantly I nodded, my eyes squeezed shut.
‘You have become a bad girl since you started listening to your cousin. But of course I’m very glad you’re taking her advice. The world would be a happier place with more women like her.’
‘I’m not sure I have the nerve to do what she said,’ I confessed. My lips weren’t moving, but I knew he understood.
‘Of course you do. I want you to do it, and you don’t want to disappoint me. Why don’t you pick up that brush and press it against your virgin hole?’
With a quivering hand, I reached for the brush and held the rounded end of the handle against my secret lips.
‘Very good. Now push. Gently. Very gently.’
Ever the star student, I probed myself gingerly with my makeshift dildo. There was a mild stinging sensation, but with steady pressure I managed to coax it in a few inches. I pressed my other hand to my chest to keep my heart from jumping free of my rib cage.
‘A little farther now,’ the voice urged.
‘I don’t know if I can.’
‘Try, Lydia. For me. Show me how brave you are.’ I pushed. The entire handle slipped inside.
‘Very good. I knew you could do it. Now move it in and out slowly. I know you want to open yourself for your lover. And for me.’
This is indeed exactly what I wanted. Somehow he always knew just what to make me do, as if he could see desires inside me I myself didn’t understand. He knew when it was time to stop the fucking movements and ease the brush out, knew I could soothe the lingering soreness by touching my clit again and coming on my hand, while he watched and murmured words of approval and even snapped a few photos for his collection along the way. And then, as quickly as he’d come—and I’d come—he vanished into air.
Afterwards, I curled up under the blankets, hugging my extra pillow to my chest like a lover. Could any real man know me so completely? Especially if, as Caroline said, I had to lie to him to lie with him?
Sex and honesty didn’t fit together so easily. Even as a virgin, I seemed to know this was true. Which is why it was so funny that I ended up telling the guy who popped my cherry the truth from the beginning.
CHAPTER FIVE
Mike wasn’t even on Caroline’s list. He was the cousin of her boyfriend of the month and stopped by before the party to help deliver the keg. Caroline told me he was cool enough to put the deposit required by the liquor store on his credit card so she didn’t have to pony up the cash.
I could tell he was older—twenty-three, I found out later, a Brown graduate, already working at a non-profit ‘saving the world,’ as his cousin put it with a good-natured sneer. Mike wasn’t cute in the good cheekbones way Caroline liked, but I liked his dark curls and the way he filled his jeans. What really got me were his sturdy hands clutching that keg and that suggestive grimace of exertion as he bent over to set it down. Lust made me bold, and after I thanked him for his help, very nicely, I asked him if he was coming to the party.
His frown made me realize what a stupid question it was. Why would a genuine adult like him want to party with a bunch of high school girls and college sophomore boys? But then a tiny golden flame suddenly sprang to life in his dark eyes.
‘Will you be there, Cousin Lydia?’
‘I’m the guest of honor.’
‘Is it your birthday?’ He smiled and I caught a glimpse of a snaggle tooth, like a fang, which made him still more attractive.
‘Something like that.’
‘Well, I’ve got something to do around eight, but I’ll try to stop by after.’ He winked at me and was gone.
Mike did show up around eleven, which was a good thing, because after the initial interviews, I wasn’t too keen on Caroline’s college boy offerings. Their smiles had the twinkle of perfection, and their pedigrees were flawless, but all they seemed to be able to talk about was their new cars or how clever they were to arrange their college schedules so they didn’t have classes on Friday.
When I spotted a tousled Mike on the patio by the keg, I made a point to saunter by while he was filling his cup.
‘Another beer, Lydia?’
Slightly tipsy and reckless as only a girl determined to lose her virginity can be, I went for the direct approach. ‘Thanks, but just a little. I’m going to have sex tonight and I want to be in top form.’
He laughed. ‘Who’s the lucky guy?’
Did they all fall into the trap so easily? I leaned closer. ‘Why, you, of course. You’re the most interesting guy here by far. So maybe,’ I jerked my chin at his beer, ‘you might want to take it easy, too.’
Amusement, disbelief, and a glimmer of hope played over his expression like flickering lights. ‘Don’t worry. I can probably handle a few more of these before my powers are seriously compromised. By the way, if you don’t mind my asking, when are we going to have sex? Is this an immediate thing or do we have time to dance first?’
‘Dancing sounds good. We can establish a rhythm for later when we’re in bed.’ I looked into his eyes and smiled.
‘You’d be good at poker.’ Mike smiled back and hooked an arm around my shoulder to guide me downstairs to the ‘dance floor’ Caroline had set up in the rec room.
As we joined the crush of bodies, I managed to wink at Caroline who was perched on the wet bar surveying her domain, while
