fruit, any combination, however unlikely. If anyone ever asked him how he was, he would reply, ‘not too shabby,’ meaning, pretty darn good.
‘So where’ve you been Rube?’ asked Mouse.
‘My grandmother has been sick,’ said Ruby.
‘Really? How bad is she?’
‘Tragically bad,’ replied Ruby in a hushed voice.
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ said Mouse. ‘What hospital’s she in?’
Ruby looked down at the floor. ‘Uh, one in New York – I’ve sorta been flying back and forth.’
Another lie, she thought.
Mouse took Ruby’s unease as a signal that she no longer wanted to talk about it, and fell silent. The door opened and in walked Clancy Crew. He barely even glanced at Ruby. ‘Hey Clance,’ said Mouse.
‘Hey Mouse,’ said Clancy. Ruby said nothing.
Clancy went over to one of the booths, and sat down. He pulled out a comic, appropriately titled Buzz Off, and began to read it intently. Mouse looked first at Ruby then at Clancy and then back to Ruby. ‘Something you want to tell me?’
‘Like what?’ Ruby was staring hard at the Cherry Cup menu.
‘Like did you guys have a fight or something?’
‘Nah,’ said Ruby.
‘Are you sure? I haven’t seen old Clance like this since that time you stepped on his turtle.’
‘Look Mouse, could you just drop it. I don’t feel like talking about Clancy Crew right now, OK?’
‘Whatever you say Rube,’ sighed Mouse.
‘Listen Mouse, I got bigger things on my mind than some boy with a bad case of the grouches.’
‘Course you do Rube,’ said Mouse, biting her lip.
Ruby felt guilty – she didn’t like to lie to Mouse and now she was making it worse by snapping at her. ‘Look, I didn’t mean to bite your head off, it’s just my brain is overloaded and all – what with my grandmother being so sick and my mom all racked with worry so she can’t sleep any more.’
Another lie.‘That’s OK Rube – no offence taken. Let me order you a fruit shake.’
‘Thanks Mouse my old pal – make mine a pineapple quince, two straws. Here.’ She held out a dollar bill. ‘They’re on me.’
Mouse ordered the drinks and they waited at the bar. She was fiddling with toothpicks, sticking them into the plastic cherries which decorated the bar top. She looked up at Ruby. ‘Hey, I bet it has to do with his teeth.’
‘Huh?’ said Ruby.
‘Clancy being all grouchy – it must be to do with his teeth. I overheard his mom talking about how one of his molars is infected – how it’s gotta come out. You know what Clancy’s like about the dentist, I’ll bet that’s what’s making him act weird.’
Ruby smiled. ‘You know what Mouse, you’re probably right, you usually are.’
Mouse was pleased with that. ‘So you heard about the TV people coming to film the “safest safe in the US of A”?’
Ruby looked blank.
‘Twinford City Bank, you know – the gold?’
‘Oh yeah, I read about that in the paper – the “unstealable gold”,’ said Ruby.
When they got up to leave Mouse called out, ‘See you Clancy.’
‘Yeah, see you Mouse,’ he replied.
It was as if Ruby didn’t even exist.
It was late afternoon by the time Ruby got home and as she climbed the stairs she could hear the sing-song voice of Barbara Bartholomew. She stuck her head round the living room door; Ruby’s mother was reclining on a new and elegant sofa, Barbara sitting cross-legged on a pile of silk cushions – both were sipping on elaborate cocktails. They were deep in conversation.
‘I can’t tell you, Barb, how super great Hitch was this morning – I had quite the lucky escape.’
‘Really, no kidding?’
‘Well, he drove me into town – I needed to stop off at Glenthorn’s jewellers, they are altering that necklace of mine.’
‘The white jade one?’ asked Barbara
‘The white jade one,’ confirmed Sabina. ‘I want to wear it at the launch and it needs a better setting – more modern.’
‘Oh that will be nice,’ cooed Barbara.
‘So Hitch stays in the car because there were no free parking meters, as per usual.’
‘Oh Sabina darling, there never are – it’s terrible.’
‘Isn’t it? Why the mayor doesn’t do something I don’t know. Anyway, where was I?’
‘Hitch stayed in the car,’ said Barbara.
‘That’s right – anyway, I am in there a little while, thirty minutes maybe forty, and Hitch is driving round the block and I come out and I stand there waiting on the street for him to reappear and then you won’t believe what happens.’
‘What?’ whispered Barbara dramatically.
‘I only get my purse snatched by some criminal is all!’
‘You don’t!’
‘I’m telling you, and no one does anything, I mean the guy’s fast but still… you’d think.’
‘You would,’ agreed Barbara.
‘Anyhow, suddenly Hitch drives around the corner, sees me screaming at the thief; I tell you Barb, he was out of that car before you could blink and running, I’ve never seen a man move so fast.’
‘Hitch, your butler? You are kidding!’
‘I am not kidding Barbara, he is after that guy, catches up with him, karate kicks him in the back of the legs and the guy drops my purse.’
‘No way!’
‘I get my purse back, no harm done.’
‘What about the guy?’
‘Hitch chases him up a fire escape and over the top of the Wilmot building but the guy leaps down about forty feet into a passing garbage truck and he’s gone.’
‘Wow Sabina, that’s some butler you have there – hold on tight to that one.’
‘You can be sure of it Barb!’ And the
