A Surfeit of Lampreys. Ngaio Marsh

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Roberta felt uncomfortably that Charlot’s plan should be amended and that they should leave the field to Lord Charles. She wondered if she herself should slip out of the room. Her thoughts must have appeared in her face for Henry caught her eye, smiled, and shook his head. The Wutherwoods were now seated side by side on the sofa. Baskett came in with the sherry.

      ‘Ah, sherry,’ said Lord Charles. Henry began to pour it out. Charlot made desperate efforts with her brother-in-law. Lady Katherine leant forward in her chair and addressed Lady Wutherwood.

      ‘Well, Violet,’ she said, ‘I hear you have taken up conjuring.’

      ‘You couldn’t be more mistaken,’ said Lady Wutherwood in a deep voice. She spoke with a very slight accent, slurring her words together. After each phrase she rearranged her mouth with those clicking movements and stealthily touched away the white discs at the corners. But in a little while they re-formed.

      ‘Aunty Kit,’ cried Frid, ‘will you have some sherry? Aunt Violet?’

      ‘No thank you, my dear,’ said Lady Katherine.

      ‘Yes,’ said Lady Wutherwood.

      ‘You’d better not, V.,’ said Lord Wutherwood. ‘You know what’ll happen.’

      Mike walked to the end of the sofa and stared fixedly at his aunt. Lord Charles turned to his brother with an air of cordiality. ‘It’s a sherry that I think you rather like, Gabriel, don’t you?’ he said, ‘Corregio del Martez, ’79.’

      ‘If you can afford a sherry like that –’ began Lord Wutherwood. Henry hurriedly placed a glass at his elbow.

      ‘Aunt Violet,’ asked Mike suddenly, ‘can you do the rope trick? I bet you can’t. I bet you can’t do that and I bet you can’t saw a lady in half.’

      ‘Don’t be an idiot, Mike,’ said Patch.

      ‘Mikey,’ said his mother, ‘run and find Baskett, darling, and ask him to take care of Uncle Gabriel’s chauffeur. I suppose he’s there, isn’t he, Gabriel?’

      ‘He’ll do very well in the car. Your aunt’s maid is there, too. Your aunt insists on cartin’ her about with us. I strongly object of course, but that makes no difference. She’s a nasty type.’

      Lady Wutherwood laughed rather madly. Her husband turned on her. ‘You know what I mean, V.,’ he said. ‘Tinkerton’s a bad lot. Put it bluntly, she’s damn well debauched my chauffeur. It’s been goin’ on under your nose for years.’

      Charlot evidently decided that it would be better not to have heard this embarrassing parenthesis. ‘Of course they must come up,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Nanny will adore to see Tinkerton. Mikey, ask Baskett to bring Tinkerton and Giggle up to the servants’ sitting-room and give them a drink of tea or something. Ask politely, won’t you?’

      ‘Okay,’ said Mike. He hopped on one foot and turned to look at Lady Wutherwood.

      ‘Isn’t it pretty funny?’ he asked. ‘Your chauffeur’s called Giggle and there’s a man in the kitchen called Grumble. He’s a –’

      ‘Michael!’ said Lord Charles, ‘do as you’re told at once.’

      Mike went out, followed unostentatiously by Stephen who shut the door behind him. Stephen returned in a few moments.

      ‘I wish you’d tell me, Violet,’ said Lady Katherine, ‘what it is you have taken up. One hears such extraordinary reports.’

      ‘She’s dabblin’ in some damn-fool kind of occultism,’ said Lord Wutherwood, turning pale with annoyance.

      Roberta noticed that when he stopped speaking his upper teeth closed firmly on his under lip causing his whole mouth to settle down at the corners in an expression of maddening complacency.

      ‘Gabriel,’ said his wife, ‘believes in what he sees. Nothing else. He thinks himself fortunate in that. He is not so fortunate as he supposes.’

      ‘What the devil d’you mean?’ demanded Lord Wutherwood. ‘Don’t look at me like that, V., I don’t like it. These friends of yours are makin’ a damned unpleasant woman of you. Of all the miserable footlin’ crew! What d’you think you’re doin’ huntin’ up a parcel of spooks? A lot of trickery. I’ve told you before, I’ve a damn good mind to speak to the police about the whole affair. If it wasn’t for draggin’ my name into it –’

      ‘You had better be careful, Gabriel. It is not wise to sneer at the unseen.’

      ‘The unseen what?’ asked Lady Katherine who had caught this last phrase.

      ‘The unseen forces.’

      Lord Wutherwood made exasperated sounds and turned his back.

      ‘What sort of forces?’ persisted Lady Katherine against the combined mental opposition of the Lampreys.

      ‘Do you seek,’ asked Lady Wutherwood with a formidable air of contempt, ‘to learn in a few words the wisdom of all the ages? A lifetime is too short to reach full understanding.’

      ‘Of what?’

      ‘Esoteric Lore.’

      ‘What’s that?’

      Charlot suddenly made a bold dash into this strange conversation, and Roberta with something like terror saw that she had decided on the line she would take with her sister-in-law. Evidently it was to be a line of gentle banter. Charlot leant towards Lady Wutherwood and said gaily: ‘I’m as bewildered as Aunty Kit, Violet. Is esoteric lore the same as – what? Witchcraft? Don’t turn into a witch, darling.’

      Lady Wutherwood stared at Charlot. ‘It’s a great mistake,’ she said in her deep voice, ‘to laugh at necromancy, Imogen. There are more things in Heaven and earth –’

      ‘I suppose there are, Violet, but I don’t want to meet them.’

      ‘The Church,’ said Lady Katherine in her loudest whisper, ‘takes a firm stand in such matters. I imagine you know, Violet, that you are in danger of –’

      The Lampreys all began to talk at once. They talked persistently, not raising their voices but overpowering their guests with a sort of gentle barrage. They seemed by tacit agreement to have split into two groups, Frid, Patch and their mother tackling Lord Wutherwood, while Henry and the twins concentrated on his wife. Lord Charles, nervously polishing his eyeglass, stood aside like a sort of inadequate referee. The scene now developed in accordance with the best traditions of polite drawing-room comedy. Roberta was irresistibly reminded of the play she had seen the previous night and, once possessed of this idea, it seemed to her that the Lampreys and their relations had begun to pitch their voices like actors and actresses and to use gestures that were a little larger than life. The scene was building towards some neat and effective climax. There was perhaps a superfluity of character parts and with Lady Katherine Lobe smiling and nodding in her corner the eccentric dowager was not lacking. Partly to dispel this idea and in the hope that she might be of some service to the cause, Roberta moved to Lady Katherine who, true to family form, instantly began to confide in her, saying that she had heard most disquieting news of Violet and asking Roberta if she thought the Lampreys

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