the soft sand, rooting me. Calming me.
Jackson appeared next to me. I looked up at him through my reflection.
“I think we’re making progress.”
I turned around. He had one hand open at his side, but the other held my sword. He wiggled his fingers and I took it. Then he wrapped his long fingers around mine and lifted me to his side, holding me there until the tightness in my chest unfurled to a numbness that slowly pooled in my middle.
I loosened my grip and reached for my sword, pretending to ignore his hurt expression. It was the one I’d seen a few times a day since we started training together over two months ago. In the time I’d known him, I’d seen a few of Jackson’s memories through his eyes, and a strange molding of my and his recollection of the night I’d murdered Gemma and Tristan, my sister and husband. The night I died.
Guilt rushed through me every time, but it was my choice not to have my memories back. Not his. I’d attempted to reintroduce myself to him but he was at an unfair advantage, knowing me better than I knew myself.
Without the vision in the forefront of my mind I focused on my weapon. It fit my hand perfectly, because it had been made for me. It wasn’t a human’s traditional broadsword, heavy and bulky; it was made in the After, with a piece of my True Soul embedded in it. I slid it into the baldric strapped to my back.
Looking up, I remembered Jackson had spoken to me and I attempted to cover my thoughts. “How so? That time I nearly had you.”
He grinned. “But you haven’t had an episode for two weeks now. That’s progress.”
I looked across the water, not meeting his gaze. He was right, but I’d prefer not to have any at all.
“Do you want to take a break?”
I shook my head. “The Shadowed don’t take breaks.” He’d said that to me in the beginning when the training had been a challenge after a century of Collecting. His words flowing from my mouth surprised us both.
Jackson looked over his shoulder. “I don’t see any Shadowed here.” He reached out to take my hand, but quickly pulled it back, nodding his head instead to his left. “Come on.”
I didn’t need to ask where we were going. Felix required downtime for all After workers, Soul Collectors included, but Jackson always took a break in training after a vision. I’d always been fond of the Living Realm for my time off when I was a Collector, but Jackson rarely took me there. Not that I wanted to go back just yet.
The last time I’d visited the cemetery where my family was buried, I’d had one of the worst episodes I could remember. Even though the essence hadn’t been seen outside my visions since the night of Ally’s birthday, they were real enough for me not to want any of my memories back. That included no more Living Realm, at least until I could control this power inside of me.
We walked a path across the shore in silence. Our training site was far from the office that I’d flitted in and out of while I was a Soul Collector. Felix had chosen the site for us. I’d guessed it was because of my status among the Guard. Even though David had his mind set on destroying his daughter’s future, I had been the one to destroy a precious Prognatum. I understood their disdain for me, since everyone else had known about what I’d done in my past before Jackson revealed it to me. Felix had removed the memories of my human life from my mind to protect me. I now knew that those memories were linked to my soul-sucking abilities so as much as I had been mad at him, he had done me a favor.
I’d wondered many times why Felix didn’t opt to Recycle me. Technically I was still a Prognatum, even though I hadn’t transformed due to my untimely death at seventeen. Felix and the other Caeleste were hesitant to release me back to the Living Realm giving the Shadowed a chance at attempting to take me again.
I glanced over at Jackson, whose hardened expression was turned towards our destination. I hadn’t known what to expect of my ex-Guard when Felix assigned us to train together. I had been under the impression that he had been a Shadowed, which wasn’t completely wrong. When I died at my father’s hand, Felix had removed Jackson from his position in our family. He trained other Guard for a few decades until that proved to be a mistake, so Felix gave him a new job—to infiltrate and gain information from the Shadowed. But to keep him undercover, the other Guard were told that Jackson had been turned by the Shadowed a long time ago. I still didn’t understand the full reason for Jackson’s separation from the Guard but I knew a part of it was because of our relationship—a relationship that made the fire in Jackson’s eyes flicker with desire after I said something that reminded him of a memory of us. A fire that equally kindled something inside of me, just out of reach, and I needed to keep it that way.
Jackson nudged me, pulling me back to the present. “Let’s go over some of your verbal lessons while we walk. Unless you prefer silence?”
I’d had enough of internal turmoil to last for a while, so I grinned. “Shoot.”
Jackson fired questions at me for the rest of our trek.
“Name three rules of corporeality?” he quizzed.
“Make as little interaction as possible. Never be photographed. And give the illusion of life.”
Along with the combat part of the training, the Guard were informed of a lot more than I’d ever been privy to as a Collector. The regulations of the Guard were quite intricate and I understood now why Cooper had kept a lot of it secret. The information was need-to-know for anyone other than a Guard. Initially I was overwhelmed with the lessons, but Jackson had a way of making it easier to digest. And I wasn’t blind to his charm. He made me want to learn and want to do the best I could. This role had been my destiny and I’d try harder than any other trainee to earn my spot back on the Guard, even if I wasn’t a transformed Prognatum.
Transformed Prognatum were still very much alive, but their hybrid status allowed them to cross over into the After without dying as I had. They were given their rightful spot on the Guard. I had to earn it. I wasn’t upset at that fact. Not anymore. Even though Felix and I had our differences, I appreciated the second chance. The only redeeming factor for me was that I’d given birth before I died, securing the Prognatum line. Ally would age until she appeared to be around thirty human years and be able to live the long lives that the Caeleste had, I would forever be seventeen.
“Mags.”
I found Jackson’s eyes, which were looking down at me expectantly.
Shaking my head I tried to focus. “What was the question?”
He regarded me for a second before repeating himself. “What is important about these rules?”
“To preserve and protect the After from the humans.”
I shoved away any distracting thoughts and prodded him for more questions.
***
Our training site wasn’t far from the one place in the After that calmed me in the way the cemetery used to. In the months since Ally’s birthday, Jackson had taken me all over the After. It was just as momentous as the Living Realm, possibly even more. And it was undoubtedly just as beautiful as I’d always seen from my old office. I knew of the other hubs for Soul Collectors
