what’s wrong?”
Darling? The word, so tender and personal, enveloped me. In that moment, any desire I had to fight my feelings for Maxon disappeared. I wanted to be his dear, his darling. I wanted to be Maxon’s alone.
It might mean welcoming a future I never thought I would and saying good-bye to things I never intended to, but the thought of leaving him now wasn’t something I could handle.
It was true that I wasn’t the best candidate for the crown, but I didn’t deserve to be in the running at all if I couldn’t at least be brave enough to confess how I felt.
I sighed, trying to keep my voice steady. “I don’t want to leave all this.”
“If I remember correctly, the first time we met, you said it was like a cage.” He smiled. “It does grow on you, though, doesn’t it?”
I gave my head a small shake. “Sometimes you can be so stupid.” A weak laugh pushed through my choked-up throat.
Maxon let me pull away just enough so I could look into his brown eyes.
“Not the palace, Maxon. I could care less about the clothes or my bed or, believe it or not, the food.”
Maxon laughed. It was no secret how excited I had been about the extravagant meals here.
“It’s you,” I said. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“Me?”
I nodded.
“You want me?”
I giggled at his bewildered expression. “That’s what I’m saying.”
He paused a moment. “How— But— What did I do?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “I just think that we’d be a good us.”
He smiled slowly. “We’d be a wonderful us.”
Maxon pulled me in, roughly by his standards, and kissed me again.
“Are you sure?” he asked, holding me at arm’s length, staring intently at me. “Are you absolutely positive?”
“If you’re sure, I’m sure.”
For a flicker of a second, something changed in his expression. But it passed so quickly, I wondered if it—whatever it was—was even real.
In the very next moment, he led me over to the bed, and we perched on the edge together, holding hands as my head rested on his shoulder. I was expecting him to say something. After all, wasn’t this what he had been waiting for? But there were no words. Every once in a while he’d let out a long sigh, and in that sound alone I could hear how happy he was. That helped me not to feel so anxious.
After a while—perhaps because neither of us knew what to say—Maxon sat up straighter. “I should probably go. If we’re going to add all the families to the celebration, I need to make extra plans.”
I pulled back and smiled, still giddy that I was going to get to hug my mom, dad, and May soon. “Thank you again.”
We stood together, walking toward the door. I held on to his hand tightly. For some reason, I dreaded letting it go. It felt like this whole moment was fragile somehow, and if it shifted too much it might break.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promised in a whisper, his nose millimeters away from mine. He looked upon me with such adoration that I felt silly for worrying. “You’re astonishing.”
Once he was gone, I closed my eyes and pulled in everything from our short time together: the way he stared at me, the playful smiles, the sweet kisses. I thought about them over and over as I got ready for bed, wondering if Maxon was doing the same thing.
“LOVELY, MISS. KEEP POINTING AT the sketches, and the rest of you, try not to look at me,” the photographer asked.
It was Saturday, and all the Elite had been excused from our obligatory day of sitting in the Women’s Room. At breakfast, Maxon made his announcement about the Halloween party; and by the afternoon, our maids had started working on costume designs, and photographers had shown up to document the whole process.
Now I was attempting to look natural as I went over Anne’s drawings while my maids stood behind the table with pieces of fabric, containers of sequins, and an absurd amount of feathers.
The camera snapped and flashed as we tried to give several options. Just as I was about to pose with some gold fabric held up to my face, we had a visitor.
“Good morning, ladies,” Maxon said, strolling through the open doorway.
I couldn’t help but stand a little straighter, and it felt like my smile was taking over my face. The photographer caught that moment before addressing Maxon.
“Your Majesty, always an honor. Would you mind posing with the young lady?”
“It would be my pleasure.”
My maids stepped back, and Maxon picked up a few sketches and stood right behind me, the papers in front of us in one hand and his other settled low on my waist. That touch conveyed so much to me. See, it said, soon I’ll get to touch you like this in front of the world. You don’t have to worry about anything.
A few pictures were taken, and the photographer left for the next girl on his list. I realized my maids had inconspicuously dismissed themselves at some point as well.
“Your maids are quite talented,” Maxon said. “These are wonderful concepts.”
I tried to act like I always did with Maxon, but things felt different now, better and worse at the same time. “I know. I couldn’t be in better hands.”
“Have you settled on one yet?” he asked, fanning out the papers on my desk.
“We’re all fond of the bird idea. I think it’s meant to be a reference to my necklace,” I said, touching the thin string of silver. My songbird necklace was a gift from my dad, and I preferred it over the heavy jewelry the palace provided for us.
“I hate to say this, but I think Celeste has picked something avian as well. She seemed awfully determined,” he said.
“That’s all right,” I replied with a shrug. “I’m not crazy about feathers anyway.” My smile faltered. “Wait. You were with Celeste?”
He nodded. “Just a quick visit to chat. I’m afraid I can’t stay long here, either. Father’s not thrilled about all this, but with the Selection still going on, he understood that it would be nice to have some more festivities. And he agreed it would be a much better way to meet the families, all things considered.”
“Like what?”
“He’s eager for an elimination, and I’m supposed to do one after I
