the stub of a lipstick. There was a coolness on her forehead, something pressed heavily against it. She discovered that this was the shop-window.
Behind the looking-glass was a man who peered at her from the shop’s interior. She steadied herself with her hand against the window, lifted her suitcase and turned away.
The Vulcan Theatre was near the bottom of the street. Although she did not at first see its name above the entry, she had, during the past fortnight, discovered a sensitivity to theatres. She was aware of them at a distance. The way was downhill: her knees trembled and she resisted with difficulty an impulse to break into a shamble. Among the stream of faces that approached and sailed past there were now some that, on seeing hers, sharpened into awareness and speculation. She attracted notice.
The stage-door was at the end of an alleyway. Puddles of water obstructed her passage and she did not altogether avoid them. The surface of the wall was crenellated and damp.
‘She knows,’ a rather shrill uncertain voice announced inside the theatre, ‘but she mustn’t be told.’ A second voice spoke unintelligibly. The first voice repeated its statement with a change of emphasis: ‘She knows but she mustn’t be told,’ and after a further interruption added dismally: ‘Thank you very much.’
Five women came out of the stage-door and it was shut behind them. She leant against the wall as they passed her. The first two muttered together and moved their shoulders petulantly, the third stared at her and at once she bent her head. The fourth passed by quickly with compressed lips. She kept her head averted and heard, but did not see, the last girl halt beside her.
‘Well, for God’s sake!’ She looked up and saw, for the second time that day, a too-large face, over-painted, with lips that twisted downwards, tinted lids, and thickly mascaraed lashes.
She said: ‘I’m late, aren’t I?’
‘You’ve had it, dear. I gave you the wrong tip at Marks’s. The show here, with the part I told you about, goes on this week. They were auditioning for a tour: ‘That’ll be all for today, ladies, thank you. What’s the hurry, here’s your hat. For what it’s worth, it’s all over.’
‘I lost my way,’ she said faintly.
‘Too bad.’ The large face swam nearer. ‘Are you all right?’ it demanded.
She made a slight movement of her head. ‘A bit tired. All right, really.’
‘You look shocking. Here: wait a sec. Try this.’
‘No, no. Really. Thank you so much but –’
‘It’s OK. A chap who travels for a French firm gave it to me. It’s marvellous stuff: cognac. Go on.’
A hand steadied her head. The cold mouth of the flask opened her lips and pressed against her teeth. She tried to say: ‘I’ve had nothing to eat,’ and at once was forced to gulp down a burning stream. The voice encouraged her: ‘Do you a power of good. Have the other half.’
She shuddered, gasped and pushed the flask away. ‘No, please!’
‘Is it doing the trick?’
‘This is wonderfully kind of you. I am so grateful. Yes, I think it must be doing the trick.’
‘Gra-a-a-nd. Well, if you’re sure you’ll be OK …’
‘Yes, indeed. I don’t even know your name.’
‘Trixie O’Sullivan.’
‘I’m Martyn Tarne.’
‘Look nice in the programme, wouldn’t it? If there’s nothing else I can do …’
‘Honestly. I’ll be fine.’
‘You look better,’ Miss O’Sullivan said doubtfully. ‘We may run into each other again. The bloody round, the common task.’ She began to move away. ‘I’ve got a date, actually, and I’m running late.’
‘Yes, of course. Goodbye, and thank you.’
‘It’s open in front. There’s a seat in the foyer. Nobody’ll say anything. Why not sit there for a bit?’ She was halfway down the alley. ‘Hope you get fixed up,’ she said. ‘God, it’s going to rain. What a life!’
‘What a life,’ Martyn Tarne echoed and tried to sound gay and ironic.
‘I hope you’ll be all right. ’Bye.’
‘Goodbye and thank you.’
The alley was quiet now. Without moving she took stock of herself. Something thrummed inside her head and the tips of her fingers tingled but she no longer felt as if she was going to faint. The brandy glowed at the core of her being, sending out ripples of comfort. She tried to think what she should do. There was a church, back in the Strand: she ought to know its name. One could sleep there, she had been told, and perhaps there would be soup. That would leave two and eightpence for tomorrow: all she had. She lifted her suitcase, it was heavier than she had remembered, and walked to the end of the alleyway. Half a dozen raindrops plopped into a puddle. People hurried along the footpath with upward glances and opened their umbrellas. As she hesitated, the rain came down suddenly and decisively. She turned towards the front of the theatre and at first thought it was shut. Then she noticed that one of the plate-glass doors was ajar.
She pushed it open and went in.
The Vulcan was a new theatre, fashioned from the shell of an old one. Its foyer was an affair of geranium-red leather, chromium steel and double glass walls housing cacti. The central box-office marked ‘Reserved Tickets Only’ was flanked by doors and beyond them, in the corners, were tubular steel and rubber-foam seats. She crossed the heavily carpeted floor and sat in one of these. Her feet and legs, released from the torment of supporting and moving her body, throbbed ardently.
Facing Martyn, on a huge easel, was a frame of photographs under a printed legend: ‘Opening at this Theatre on Thursday, May 11th: Thus to Revisit, a New Play by John James Rutherford.’ She stared at two large familiar faces and four strange smaller ones. Adam Poole and Helena Hamilton: those were famous faces. Monstrously enlarged, they had looked out at the New Zealand and Australian public from hoardings and from above cinema entrances. She had stood in queues many times to see them, severally and together. They were in the centre and surrounding them were Clark Bennington with a pipe and stick and a look of faded romanticism in his eyes, J. G. Darcey with pince-nez and hair en brosse, Gay Gainsford, young and intense, and Parry Percival, youngish and dashing. The faces swam together and grew dim.
It was very quiet in the foyer and beginning to get dark. On the other side of the entrance doors the rain drove down slantways half blinding her vision of homeward-bound pedestrians and the traffic of the street beyond them. She saw the lights go on in the top of a bus, illuminating the passive and remote faces of its passengers. The glare of headlamps shone pale across the rain. A wave of loneliness, excruciating in its intensity, engulfed Martyn and she closed her eyes. For the first time since her ordeal began, panic rose in her throat and sickened her. Phrases drifted with an aimless rhythm on the tide of her desolation: ‘You’re sunk, you’re sunk, you’re utterly sunk, you asked for it, and you’ve got it. What’ll happen to you now?’
She was drowning at night in a very lonely sea. She saw lights shine on some unattainable
