go out with a bang …
It’s not just the kids that have a hard time finding privacy. Young, free and single faculty members have to be careful as well. Sean’s story was a lesson to us all.
The witching hour is usually considered midnight, but it’s more like 5.30am at boarding school. This is when all manner of creatures emerge from their dens of sin and scuttle home to hide their shame just before sunrise. It’s the time that Sean deemed it safe enough to risk an escape and make a run for it.
It never looks good for a male teacher to be seen leaving the female dorm area in the middle of the night. But what else could he do? He’d met the woman of his dreams, Sasha, a pretty maths teacher. He wouldn’t have been in trouble if his budding relationship had been public knowledge, or even for staying the night, they were both adults. Sometimes I think it’s simply because there are no secrets in boarding school that people try to keep them.
Marco also thought 5.30am was a safe time to escape the girls’ dorm, taking the above-ground path to safety, walking somewhat dangerously across the rooftops.
Stephanie chose the same route but was leaving the boys’ dorm, coming across the roof from the east, while the two males were coming from the west.
Their paths inevitably crossed: one teacher, two students.
There would be repercussions for everyone.
Marco was suspended for two weeks, Stephanie for one. Sean was more fortunate; in fact, it got their relationship out in the open and, many years later, he ended up marrying Sasha.
Marco’s punishment was more severe because he’d stolen a dorm key to enter the building, while Stephanie had been smuggled into the boys’ dorm in her boyfriend’s suitcase. The staff had even helped enable this feat by letting the boyfriend use the elevator. If only kids used these smarts in the classroom!
Sean did admit that he was very briefly tempted to pretend he’d never seen the others on the roof that night, especially when Marco offered him a deal: ‘You don’t see me, and I don’t see you,’ but he made the right choice.
It wasn’t all bad for Marco and Stephanie. Few escapades gain such instant fame amongst peers as rooftop wanderings in the dead of night.
For both the staff and the students, it’s hard to have a private life at a boarding school – you really have to make an effort to be alone.
For staff, being ‘off duty’ doesn’t mean a thing to the kids when you live in the same building, the same floor, the same corridor. Whether it’s a harmless secret, or something more interesting, you’ll eventually get found out.
For the students, finding a place to have some one-on-one time is never easy. I have to hand it to the older kids, they are certainly creative in finding solutions:
• Renting a local apartment for the year to use as a party, sex, smoking and drinking pad.
• Building a forest hut, able to withstand the rain, but not the snow; great for the summer months.
• Visiting the local cave – a thirty-minute hike, but that’s nothing for two lusting teenagers!
How do I find these things out? I don’t go looking, and I really don’t want to know, but I don’t always have a choice.
It’s nice to feel appreciated; it only takes a kind word or gesture to transform an average day, or even an awful day, into a bright one. Something as simple as a kind note left on your desk can work wonders. But things can often turn complicated when dealing with adolescents.
Chocolates are a relatively simple gift (as long as they’re not Russian, they taste awful). Chocolates are my go to present when I want to make a gesture of appreciation.
Alcohol is a common gift to staff from students – each nationality brings me their country’s best. From any student from Eastern Europe, vodka is the weapon of choice, with every vodka-producing nation naturally insisting its product is the best. From the Mexican students, it’s always tequila; cachaça from the Brazilians; and single malt whisky for most of the Western nations, as well as, perhaps surprisingly, the Saudi students.
Usually parents buy the gift and send their child to school loaded with hard spirits. The gesture is always appreciated, and the child is proud to show off the finest alcohol their nation can produce.
But sometimes people want to give more.
Teenagers are spontaneous, their emotions high one moment, low the next. Their feelings are intense and these little gifts of appreciation are sometimes just not a big enough gesture.
How can they find a way to express their gratitude to the person who changed their failing grade from a D to a B, especially when school is not just the biggest thing in their life at that time, it is their whole life? How can they thank the person who comforted them when they were homesick, or helped them fit in and make friends?
‘I can’t thank you enough. You’re the best’ – the note was signed ‘Priscilla’. The letter was for my friend, Brian, a maths teacher.
‘She worked for it,’ Brian said. ‘She went to every extra help session I gave, and still wanted more.’ Brian explained that she had been willing to pay for private lessons on top of the regular after school group sessions, but he’d refused. ‘You turned down 100 euros an hour?’ Maths and physics teachers were always in demand, and tutors could get away with charging such a heavy fee.
‘That’s actually why I’m here,’ Brian said. ‘I wanted your expert opinion.’ I motioned for him to continue. ‘Is she ADHD or something?’ he asked. ‘Or seeing the counsellor for any issues?’ I asked him why he thought she might have ‘issues’ and to tell me exactly what she does that makes him think so.
Many teachers have concerns about their students, and often say things like ‘she’s ADHD’ or describe someone as ‘bipolar’. Even the most well-meaning people throw these terms out there, and nearly every time it’s wrong, but labels can stick. I need to find out what the student is actually doing that is causing concern.
Do they talk non-stop in class? Do they interrupt others? Are they aggressive or act like a bully? Do they do their work? Do they say strange things?
Priscilla, Brian explained, did all of the above, particularly constantly talk in class, disturb others, and struggle with work – hence the extra help to enable her to pass Maths. Like many fifteen-year-old girls, she lived her life as if on a permanent emotional rollercoaster. Fortunately for her, and us, it was a rollercoaster with peaks of pure joy, and not particularly deep lows.
But
