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In memory of the original Luuurve God with the big fat red Yorkshire legs:
Big Fat Bobbins.
This is dedicated to you all.
I quite literally love you all.
p.s. I hope I love you as much as you love me.
But I can’t worry about that now because that is life, isn’t it?
p.p.s. Perhaps I love you more than you love me, which is a bit mean as I am bothering to dedicate this book to you.
Table of Contents
The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson:
Chapter 1 - You know you luuurve it, you cheeky Fräulein!
Chapter 2 - Elepoon in your nick-nacks
Chapter 3 - FIRE!!! I’m gonna teach you to burn!
Chapter 4 - Suddenly he got his maracas out
Chapter 5 - My tights runneth over
Chapter 6 - How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love With You
Chapter 7 - Slim’s snogging lecture
Chapter 8 - Sven finds his inner Woman (unfortunately)
Chapter 9 - I may have a slight fence burn
Chapter 11 - Just call me Pongo
Chapter 12 - Twits in Tights Fiasco
Chapter 13 - Rom and Jule: the tragedy (you’re not kidding, mate)
A Note from Georgia
Georgia’s Glossary
Copyright
The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson:
Angus, thongs and full-frontal snogging
‘It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers!’
‘Knocked out by my nunga-nungas.’
‘Dancing in my nuddy-pants!’
‘…and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
‘…startled by his furry shorts!’
‘Luuurve is a many trousered thing…’
‘Stop in the name of pants!’
‘Are these my basoomas I see before me?’
Also available on tape and CD:
‘…and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
‘…startled by his furry shorts!’
‘Luuurve is a many trousered thing…’
‘Stop in the name of pants!’
‘Are these my basoomas I see before me?’
You know you luuurve it, you cheeky Fräulein!
Sunday September 18th 9:00 a.m. Why. Oh why oh why?
9:02 a.m. Why me?
9:03 a.m. And I’ll just say this. Why?
9:04 a.m. One minute, I am the girlfriend of a Luuurve God, skipping around like a Sex Kitty on kittykat tablets and the next minute I am at Poo College, in Pooford. Doing a degree in Poonosity and Merde.
9:10 a.m. Masimo, my Pizza-a-gogo Luuurve God, stropped off with the megahump last night. Not even stopping to say goodbye-io, or whatever they say in Pizza-a-gogo land. I may never know now.
9:12 a.m. Why? Why oh why oh why?
9:13 a.m. Just because I did a bit of harmless twisting with Dave the Laugh at the Stiff Dylans gig.
That’s all.
9:15 a.m. Is doing the twist such a crime?
Why would you get the Humpty Dumpty about that?
9:16 a.m. I wouldn’t mind, but he doesn’t even know about the accidental snogging Dave the Laugh in the forest of red-bottomosity incident. Which I will never be mentioning this side of the grave.
9:17 a.m. If he gets the numpty about a bit of twisting, what number on the Having the Hump Scale would he get to for accidental snogging?
9:18 a.m. Perhaps Masimo has only got the overnight hump with me and he will be calling me soon.
9:30
