Escape to Willow Cottage: The brilliant, laugh-out-loud romcom you need to read in autumn 2018. Bella Osborne
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‘Frank died,’ Ernie’s voice was shaky.
‘I’m sorry. Shall we …’ but she didn’t get to finish the sentence as Ernie was already scrambling back down the side of the house and he was gone.
‘What sort of budget are we looking at for this, then?’ asked Kyle, sucking his teeth again.
‘As cheap as possible. Could you send me the quote? I’m sorry, I need to go after him and make sure he’s all right.’ Ernie hadn’t gone far; a swift peek into the willow tree revealed his hunched form sitting on the ground.
‘Come on, Ernie. Let’s get a cup of tea and you can tell me all about Elsie and Wilf, okay?’
Ernie rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve like a child and gazed at her. Eventually he spoke. ‘Tea and cake?’
Beth laughed. ‘Yes, if you like.’ She held out a hand to help him up and he took it and held on to it with his thin bony fingers.
The tearoom was quiet so when Rhonda brought over their order she sat down too and Ernie smiled his greeting. Beth wasn’t sure if the smile was for the cake or Rhonda.
‘Hello again, I’m Rhonda.’
‘I’m Beth.’
‘I know. So you’ve bought Wilf’s old place, then?’ asked Rhonda, folding her arms and leaning forward. Beth was instantly uncomfortable with Rhonda’s over-friendly approach.
‘Like Elsie and Wilf,’ said Ernie through a mouthful of coffee and walnut cake.
‘Willow Cottage,’ said Beth, feeling that she needed to have her wits on high alert in order to not be tricked into giving away too much information.
‘Never heard it called that before. Must be the spin the estate agent put on it,’ said Rhonda, pulling a face to match her statement.
I’ve been had again, thought Beth.
‘Partner not with you?’ ventured Rhonda, eyeing Beth’s ringless fingers.
‘Er, no, I’m single.’
‘Holiday let or permanent?’
Beth was thinking. ‘Renovation project.’
‘Project to live in or sell?’
The quick-fire question round was making Beth exceedingly uncomfortable. ‘Sell.’
Rhonda looked disappointed. ‘What we need is new blood in the village. Young blood.’
Beth tried very hard not to think of vampire films as she looked at Rhonda’s pale face. Maureen snorted her derision from behind the counter, so she was clearly listening in.
‘The village school is struggling, I think it’s down to twenty-two children now.’
‘Per class?’ asked Beth. That was well below national average and would be a good place to ease Leo into the routine of a new school, even if he might only be there for one term.
‘No,’ chuckled Rhonda. ‘In total! They have to put them all together to make enough for one class. And that’s after trying to encourage them in from surrounding villages too.’
Ernie wiped his mouth with the serviette and got up to leave.
‘Oh, Ernie, are you going? You were going to tell me about Elsie and Wilf,’ said Beth.
Ernie looked teary again and he shook his head. He pointed at the now spotlessly clean plate that had once delivered his cake. ‘Thank you,’ he said and he left.
‘Poor old Ernie,’ said Rhonda. ‘Lived here all his life, never left the village.’
‘He seems quite attached to Willow Cottage.’
‘Ah, well, that was Wilf’s old place you see and he and Wilf were like brothers. Ernie’s mother was pregnant when they evacuated her from London during the bombing. Elsie took her in. She was on her own too, both waiting for men to come back from the war you see.’ Beth nodded her understanding, she was engrossed in the nostalgic story and was waiting for the happy ending. ‘Thing was, it was a difficult birth. Baby got stuck, which is why Ernie is the way he is. His mother died in labour so Elsie brought him up.’
Beth swallowed hard, she was still looking for the happy ending. ‘Was her husband okay with that when he came back from the war?’
‘Oh, Frank, he never came back; he was shot down. It was just Elsie and the boys. Ernie moved out some years ago and he lives in one of the new bungalows up the way,’ she pointed in a random direction. ‘But the cottage was always his home. He and Wilf were inseparable. You see, Wilf used to sort things out for Ernie. With Wilf dead, Ernie is pretty much alone in the world. I’d better get back to work.’ Rhonda smiled briefly, collected up the empty teacups and plate, and went behind the counter.
Beth felt near to tears. There was no happy ending to this story. She placed the photograph on the table and took in the faces again. They looked so cheerful.
Carly was gabbling on the phone and it was difficult to interrupt.
‘Slow down, Carls, I’m only picking up every third word, it’s like trying to decipher a coded message,’ said Beth.
Carly took a deep breath and tried to quell the excitement that was bubbling up inside. ‘So, in summary – I think Fergus is going to propose! Eek!’
Beth pulled the phone away from her ear. ‘Now hang on, we’ve been here before. Do you remember the large Christmas present that sat under the tree for weeks and you convinced yourself that it was like a Russian doll full of smaller and smaller boxes until you got to a ring box?’
Carly made a non-committal noise as she bit her lip at the memory and winced. ‘But it could have been …’
‘And what was in the large box?’ Beth’s voice had gone all school teachery.
‘A new sleeping bag.’
‘Precisely. I’m just saying be careful. Don’t go getting your hopes up.’
Carly paused before the excitement grabbed her again. ‘But this time it’s different. He’s asked me to meet him under the statue of Eros in Piccadilly Circus! I mean how romantic is that?’
‘It’s on a busy traffic junction.’
‘Stop being a killjoy. Anyway, think about it. Piccadilly Circus is very close to the Ritz. Perhaps he’s taking me there for afternoon tea to propose.’ She emitted another more stifled eek. ‘Oh my God, I need to change!’
‘No, you don’t. You always dress pretty smart for work.’