have spent some time among fighting men.’
Curiosity increased. ‘The guerrilla force your uncle mentioned?’
‘That’s right. Does it shock you?’
‘I own to surprise. It’s not the role I would immediately have associated with you.’
‘It was that or the convent.’
‘But were you not engaged to be married?’
‘My betrothed broke off our engagement.’
Harry was conscious of having strayed onto dangerous ground. He sensed the hurt beneath the level tone and felt awkward. Clearly these were personal matters which he had no right to probe.
‘More fool him,’ he replied.
The words carried no discernible trace of irony. Elena eyed him askance, momentarily taken aback. At the same time the memory she had tried to suppress resurfaced. It ought not to have hurt any more, and she was disconcerted to discover that it did. With an effort she kept her tone neutral.
‘It would have shamed him to marry me.’
‘Why? You had been through a dreadful experience and you did what you thought you had to afterwards.’
‘Yes, but I was dishonoured all the same. He was very polite but he made it quite clear that marriage was out of the question.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I realised then that he felt nothing for me at all.’
The scene was still horribly vivid, the details etched on her memory. The Barilla family estate was outside the city, but Jose had come to find Elena when news of the rioting troops reached him. His shock on seeing the destruction they had wreaked was plain, but it was as nothing when he understood what had happened to her father, and to the female members of the household. Elena had been so relieved to see him that she hadn’t considered what might lie beneath his evident abhorrence. More than anything she wanted him to take her in his arms, to make her feel safe. However, on entering the vandalised salón where she waited, he left a yard of space between them and made no attempt to close the gap.
‘I should have been here to protect you,’ he said.
‘They would have killed you, Jose.’
‘Better that than such dishonour.’
‘The dishonour is not yours,’ she replied. ‘It belongs to those who committed the deed.’
‘Yet the taint can never be expunged.’ He let out a long breath. ‘I imagine that you intend to follow your sisters to the convent.’
Elena frowned. ‘Why should you imagine that?’
He stared at her. ‘But surely, after what has happened there can be no other choice.’
A cold lump settled deeper in her stomach. ‘No other choice?’
‘You must see that we cannot marry now. It is impossible.’
‘Is it?’
‘Elena, there may be consequences to the events that took place here.’
‘You mean I may have conceived a child.’
He winced. ‘It is a possibility. You must know that.’
‘I will know soon enough.’ She paused. ‘And if there is not a child?’
He shook his head. ‘After such a violation I cannot consider … I have my family to think of. You must see that.’
‘I do see. I think I’m truly seeing for the first time.’
He ignored the implication and stolidly maintained the calm, reasonable tone. ‘The wisest course for you now is to enter a convent. You have become soiled goods. No man of good family can marry you after what has happened.’
Elena felt as though she had been turned to stone. It couldn’t be happening. This stranger could not be Jose; he only looked like him. She wanted to shake him, to scream, to weep, to plead with him not to abandon her but she did none of those things, knowing that it would be useless. Gathering the shredded remains of pride she lifted her chin.
‘You’re right, of course. I was foolish to think anything else.’
He nodded. ‘I wish it had been otherwise, Elena, from the bottom of my heart.’
‘Your heart? If you possess one at all it was never mine.’
‘Elena, I …’
‘Go, Jose. Just go.’
For a moment he looked as though he were about to answer but then thought better of it. Instead he had turned away and walked out of her life for good….
‘He felt nothing for me,’ she repeated.
Harry regarded her steadily. ‘In that case you were well rid of him.’
‘So I think, now.’
He hesitated, but the urge to know overcame reticence. ‘Were you in love with him?’
‘I thought I was. He was young, handsome, wealthy, educated, amusing—all the things a young woman could want in a suitor.’ She smiled wryly. ‘I see now that I was in love with the idea of him. Of course I was younger then and very naive. It never occurred to me to look beneath the superficial charm. I accepted it all at face value.’
‘We’ve all done that at some point in our lives.’
‘It is painful to discover that the idol has feet of clay.’
‘There must have been other admirers since.’
Her expression grew cool. ‘I have not sought them.’
Again he could have kicked himself. ‘Forgive me. That was confoundedly tactless. It’s just that a woman like you would always excite admiration.’
‘My time was spent planning ambushes and fighting. Romance played no part in it.’
‘I didn’t mean to imply anything untoward.’ He paused. ‘You might have got yourself killed.’
‘At the time I didn’t care. But, as it turned out, I never suffered any serious injury. It was as though I bore a charmed life.’
‘I’m glad of it.’
Again the tone was sincere. Moreover, he was not critical of her actions and nor was he judgemental. After the opprobrium she had suffered of late it was a pleasant and unexpected change. But then he was unexpected in so many ways. It occurred to her to wonder then what might have happened if she had met such a man when she was younger, before the war had changed her life for ever. For a brief instant she had a glimpse of something that was beyond all former dreams of romance. It was followed by a sensation of sadness and loss. Her throat tightened. Such happiness as that was afforded to few, and it certainly didn’t include her.
They
