part of.
“My mother said she fell in love with my father at first sight.” He didn’t know why he’d mentioned that, but it supported the argument he was about to make, so he did not regret it. “The emotion you think such a panacea for pain is in fact one of the biggest instigators of it that I know. Her love led her into his bed. My grandfather’s love kept her with him even though he could never overlook her indiscretion completely. His love for me drove him to push me harder, to demand more of me than he would have his own son. He would not allow me to become like the man who had sired me. Irresponsible and without honor. But his lessons were often painful and I knew they were born of love.”
“Love does not always lead to pain.”
“Yes, it does, and I do not want the pain that is inevitably born of love in my marriage.”
She gasped and he grimaced. He had said more than he intended, but if it helped to convince her, he would not begrudge her the truth.
“What do you want?” Her sea-blue eyes were filled with a softness that called to something deep in his soul.
It had from the first moment he’d seen her across a crowded charity ball. She’d been with her father and Sandor had been instantly intrigued by this woman who was so clearly of the world he wanted to conquer, but not like it.
“I want children, a legacy—a legitimate legacy, to inherit what I have built, to build onto it. I want to please the woman who sacrificed so much to give me life and keep me with her. Even in Greece thirty years ago, a woman could find ways to end an unwanted pregnancy, but she never even considered it.”
“How do you know?”
“I asked.”
The compassion he liked so much sparked in Eleanor’s eyes. She was exactly the kind of woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. A woman who could help to calm the demons that raged in his soul.
“Your mom wants you to marry?”
“You know she does.”
Eleanor smiled. “Well, she’s not very subtle…but I figured she hinted that way to all your dates.”
“Actually, no.”
“You mean I’m special?” she asked facetiously.
“Yes. She has hinted at me enough, but never to one of the women I dated. Until you.”
“She wants grandchildren. A lot.”
“Yes. What about you?”
“I’m too young to be a grandmother.”
That was one of the things he really enjoyed about his little Eleanor. She teased him. She made him smile and she was always ready to do so herself.
“I meant do you want children?” He did not doubt her answer, she was too perfectly suited to motherhood not to want to be one, but he wanted to hear her say it.
“Yes. Very much.”
“I thought as much.”
It was her turn to grimace. “You think you know everything.”
“Apparently I do not. I thought you would accept my proposal without a lot of fuss.”
“Fuss?” she asked delicately and suddenly he knew he was treading on very shaky ground.
“I did not think it would be a difficult decision for you to make,” he amended.
“It would have been easier if you had said you loved me.”
He could only respect her courage and her honesty. “Do you want me to say it?”
“A lie of expediency designed to get you the outcome you want? What of your insistence on truth from me? I told you I won’t accept any less.”
Yet, he had a sneaking suspicion that they defined honesty differently. He dismissed the niggling worry and said, “I will give all the loyalty and dedication to your happiness a man who professes such feelings would do. There would be no lie in my saying the words if you need them to feel more comfortable about our marriage.”
“Except that you don’t feel the emotion and neither do you want to feel it. They’d still be a lie, Sandor.”
“But the intent behind them, my dedication to your well-being, is not a lie.”
“I understand that we see things very differently. Not only do you not want love, but I’m not sure you believe in romantic love at all or you could not blithely talk about saying the words as if that’s all they were. Mere words.”
“Romantic love is not something I have any personal experience with.”
Pain flashed in her pretty blue eyes, but was gone so quickly, he could not be sure he had seen it.
“Will it help if I promise I will never say those words to another woman?”
“Can you promise that? What if you fall in love? Just because you don’t love me doesn’t mean you are incapable of loving someone else.”
“I do not want to love anyone else.”
“It doesn’t always come with a choice.”
He did not agree. “I keep my promises. It is up to you to decide if you trust me to do so.”
“I do trust you.”
A flare of triumph coursed through him.
She saw it and frowned. “I’m not saying I’m going to agree to marriage, but I think I’m beginning to understand why you asked me at least.”
“I would have thought that was obvious.”
“There you go being wrong again. This can’t be good for your ego, but your reasons for picking me to share the rest of your life with are far from obvious.”
“You will tease me one time too many,” he warned on a mock growl.
“And you’ll do what?”
“Perhaps I will make love to you and slay that dragon of doubt at least.”
“Do you think a planned seduction will decimate my concerns about the fact that you find it so easy to control your libido around me?”
“I think, little one, that there are depths to you that I have yet to plumb.” It startled him to have her take him to task for such a thing, but it also aroused him. “Trust me, I do not find it easy to control my desire around you, merely necessary.”
“Because you don’t want to be like your father.”
“That is one reason.”
“Tell me another.”
“If you do not want to marry me, I do not want to spend my life addicted to a body I
