like he hadn’t slept properly for weeks, and his chin was covered in grey and white stubble. Not exactly the image of a jolly department store Santa.
‘Oh I’m just dandy.’ His mouth twisted into a scowl and he let out a loud burp. ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year, isn’t it?’
There was a sadness in his voice that struck me. Instead of being swept up in the festive spirit, he seemed to be every bit as uncomfortable with it as I was.
‘Well, that’s what they say!’ I plastered a bright grin to my face, determined to keep a cheerful atmosphere for the hordes of kids who’d be along as soon as school finished. ‘Anyway, don’t forget about the presents in the cardboard box behind you.’
I mumbled some excuse about Gary needing me elsewhere and legged it before Frank could engage me in any awkward conversation. As I stood outside, willing finishing time to come round so I could get back to my own little corner of Christmas-free bliss, I wondered what it was that made Frank hate this time of year so much.
Had he lost someone he loved too?
I spent the rest of the day welcoming children to the grotto and pretending that Christmas really was the most wonderful time of the year. Like any good actress, I threw myself into my role and made it my job to spread festive magic to every little visitor who was counting the days until Santa’s arrival.
Until later that afternoon, when things went horribly wrong.
It started with a giggle. Innocent enough, you may think, but not when ‘MAISIE, PUT THAT DOWN!’ and Frank yelling at the top of his voice immediately followed it. I rushed inside the grotto to see what was going on and found a little girl holding what looked like a pair of edible knickers.
‘What kind of store is this?!’ a red-faced woman yelled. ‘Giving erotic products to little kids; you should be ashamed of yourselves!’
‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry,’ I gasped. ‘There must be some mistake; I’ll get another present for you.’
Before I could rush round to get a replacement gift, a voice from outside erupted ‘WHO THE HELL IS IN CHARGE HERE?!’
‘I’d better go and deal with that,’ I said, panic rising in my voice. ‘I’ll leave you in Fr… I mean, Santa’s capable hands.’ I turned to Frank, who was puce with rage. ‘Why don’t you get Maisie a lovely new gift while I go and see to that customer?’
I threw back the curtain, dreading what I was about to be confronted with. It turned out to be a woman with a face like thunder, trying to keep a small grubby child under control and trying to wrestle something from his sticky grip.
‘How can I help?’ I plastered on my sunniest smile and ignored the nerves brewing in my stomach.
From the furious look on her face, the woman didn’t appreciate my attempt at a pleasant greeting. In fact, she looked like she wanted to strangle me.
‘And just what…’ she paused for a second as she managed to snatch away whatever her child had been holding ‘…do you call this?!’
She brandished a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs, hooking them over one finger and tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for my explanation.
‘This is supposed to be a Santa’s grotto for kids, not a sordid sex shop! Where’s the manager? I want to put a complaint in!’
She was soon followed by another angry parent, who was keen to find out why her child had been given a cocktail-making kit instead of a colouring book.
My eyes darted from left to right as complaints and threats flooded in. One thing was for sure: there had been a huge mistake somewhere. And I was probably going to pay for it.
My suspicions were proved correct when Gary appeared and bellowed ‘ALICE, MY OFFICE NOW!’
*
It didn’t take long for the shit to hit the fan. I sat in the manager’s office, while Gary paced up and down like a bear with a sore head.
‘How the hell did this happen?!’ He pinched the bridge of his nose and glared at me. ‘I’ve had no less than twenty complaints from parents whose kids received what they called “inappropriate gifts”! Instead of selection boxes and packs of felt-tip pens, they got fluffy handcuffs, edible knickers and bottles of vodka! Do you have any idea how that makes us look?!’
I stifled a chuckle. Although Gary couldn’t see the funny side of it, there was something quite amusing about the whole mix-up.
‘To be fair, the boxes of presents weren’t labelled,’ I explained. ‘How was I supposed to know I’d picked up the sales girls’ Secret Santa box?’
The vein in Gary’s forehead grew larger and looked like it would pop any minute. He strode over to where I was sitting, his mouth set into a stern line and his eyes ablaze with anger.
‘We’re supposed to be a family-friendly store, Alice. I don’t think giving kids mini bottles of alcopop really gives the right impression, do you?’
A rogue giggle escaped from my mouth; from the look on his face, I thought Gary might spontaneously combust.
‘I’m sorry, really I am.’ Once I was sure I wouldn’t laugh again, I peeked up at him, daring to meet his gaze. ‘You have to admit, it was a little bit funny though. And we can give them replacement presents from the real box of gifts can’t we?’
Gary folded his arms and began pacing back and forth again. ‘It’s not quite as simple as that, I’m afraid. We were thinking of closing the grotto early anyway. The store isn’t making much money at the moment and we haven’t had the footfall we expected, but this screw-up was the final nail in the coffin…’
I winced at the word “coffin”, but tried not to show it. Even that simple word conjured up hundreds of memories I’d do anything to forget.
‘I’m sorry, Alice… I’m afraid you’re out of a job.’
My head snapped up and I felt my jaw drop. ‘Gary, please… I-I need this job! I know it’s only temporary, but I’ll be stuck without it. Is there any way I can stay? I-I’ll stack shelves, clean the toilets, anything!’
He shook his head gravely and ran a hand over his tired face. ‘I’m afraid not; we’re struggling to afford our Christmas temps as it is, so we’re looking to make any savings we can. Besides, I don’t think this was ever really your cup of tea was it? I mean, you were on bloody Broadway! I can’t imagine you found being a department store elf very exciting.’
I opened my mouth to disagree, but even I wasn’t that good of an actress. Instead, I sighed and got up from my seat; it was time for me to leave. Alice, exit stage right.
‘Thanks for the opportunity, Gary. And for the record, being an elf here was more than exciting,’ I added with a little chuckle.
He managed a smile as he escorted me down the stairs to the shop floor.
‘You
