you have anything to do with the bedroom arrangements?’
‘No.’
‘It might have been less awkward if we’d all been together.’
‘No.’ She stopped, and curled her fingers around the edge of the open drawer. ‘It would have been nightmarish. I’m giving this a chance, Xane. I’m doing it for you, but please don’t make it all so fast that I end up with my head spinning. My world is topsy-turvy enough, what with all the drama of the band, my mum, and the media interest in us. I love you, I want you to be happy, but …’
No amount of words was going to make him understand. She slipped out of his immediate reach, needing the space in which to straighten her thoughts. When she’d agreed to try this, back in Halmstad, things had seemed simpler somehow. Time apart had given rise to awkwardness. And she was acutely aware of what Xane wanted. If there were no barriers in place between him and Luthor, he’d have dragged him in here five minutes ago and they’d have been furiously screwing on the bed right now. What he really wanted from her now was permission to do that. Well, she wasn’t ready to see him bollocks deep inside Luthor just yet. She hated the way the simple thought of seeing them thus entwined filled her skin with a sort of irritating electrical charge. Looking down at her bare arms, she could see all the tiny hairs standing on end.
‘Are you saying you won’t allow him into our bed tonight?’
Dani folded her arms across her front and hugged herself. ‘Can’t we get settled in first?’
‘Answer the question, Dani.’
‘Why does he have to sleep with us?’
‘How else would you like me to arrange things? I was trying to make things less awkward. I don’t really want to go the route of having to book a time slot for sharing some intimacy with him.’
She had no answer to that.
‘Dani?’
She paced, while gnawing on her thumbnail. This was just wrong and awkward and she wanted to hide from it, bury her head and pretend her boyfriend wasn’t bisexual and involved with another man. The option of saying, ‘Do as you please, shag him when you want as long as I don’t know about it,’ burned bright in her thoughts for a moment. It wasn’t a solution that was ever going to work. All it would mean was that whenever Xane was away from her she’d be imagining what he and Luthor were doing. Her thoughts would be riddled with imaginary conversations where they swore undying love to one another and laughed at how stupid she was.
‘Can we just sleep here together tonight? Maybe another time. You said we could take this at my pace.’
His disappointment was unmistakable.
‘I’m sorry, Xane.’
‘It’s OK. I guess you need time. I just thought that after last time you were fine with this.’
She was the very opposite of fine with it. The whole issue scared and confused her. When Xane and Luthor had been entwined in front of her, it had all seemed incredibly simple. She’d even been aroused by them. Excited enough, in fact, that she’d joined in. She’d sucked Xane while Luthor was kissing him, and then allowed Xane to go down on her while Luthor was inside him. But with every minute that passed, her doubts about the episode increased.
She thought about Luthor and felt both hot and cold.
Irritably, she brushed Xane away, while mentally scouring her thoughts of Luthor’s tight white butt.
She didn’t want to feel turned on by him. She didn’t want anyone but Xane.
‘I need a shower,’ she announced. It was psychosomatic, she knew it, but her skin felt grubby. Soapsuds wouldn’t make her clean, but she might find some perspective while standing under the shower spray. If she’d learned one thing living on a tour bus with numerous grown men, it was that you could always find peace in the bathroom.
Xane pulled his T-shirt over his head, making her think he intended to join her. Dani stared at his ink and his nipple rings, wondering how to tactfully explain she needed to be alone. Luckily, it wasn’t necessary. He grabbed his bag and rooted through it until he found a clean shirt, which he tugged on. ‘The tag in the back of that one has been driving me mad for hours,’ he explained. ‘It’s scratchy.’
Dani nodded dumbly at him.
‘If you’re going in the shower, is it OK if I find Spook and check out the recording studio?’ He drew a dog-eared notebook out of the side pocket of his bag. Dani recognised it as his lyrics book.
‘Sure.’
If he was with Spook she wouldn’t have to worry about him being tempted by Luthor.
‘If I know Spook there’s probably about fifty different bath products next door for you to try out.’ He gave her a quick hug and kiss, and departed leaving behind the scent of fresh linen.
Xane pottered around in the kitchen and made a sandwich before making any pretence of looking for Spook. He’d been here before, when Spook was viewing the property with a view to purchasing it. The layout was relatively simple: main house, with not very many rooms, and a few outbuildings – one for guests, a strange folly-like building by the water’s edge that purportedly now housed the studio, and the all-important Swedish lifestyle essential, a sauna and communal shower shack. To be fair, the latter building had a lot of potential for anyone with a fetish for shower sex or even water sports. He didn’t think the latter rocked Spook’s boat, but who knew, his friend certainly had a taste for S&M. Admittedly, he didn’t indulge it, but that might not always be the case. And Spook was nothing if not prepared for every eventuality.
Despite the lateness of the hour the sun was still shining when Xane stepped outside. Spook’s lawn was manicured to within an inch of its life; hardly a surprise given how much of a neat freak he was. Xane wandered down to the water’s edge and watched the gentle waves breaking over the rocks. Three weeks ago, when he’d stepped onto the stage in Karlstad and heard Luthor first drum out the beat of one of their songs on Steve’s old drumkit, he’d believed everything was finally going to be all right. Two hours later, Ash had nose-dived off the ego-riser, and he’d been nearly drowned by their psychotic temporary drummer, but at least his relationship woes had been sorted. Now he wasn’t so sure about that. He recognised cold feet when he saw them, and Dani’s were currently icy.
Damn, he’d been seriously looking forward to spending some quality time with Luthor, but he wasn’t about to break his promises to Dani. He guessed that’s why he was here, down by the water’s edge, and not over at the Little House.
Whatever time he spent with Luthor at present wouldn’t be quality time, only a lesson in frustration.
The whirr of a motor interrupted the silence by the shore. Xane raised his hand to shield his gaze as he peered up at the sky. A chopper emerged from behind the treetops to the rear of Spook’s property. The wind from the blades buffeted his skin as the helicopter settled down in the middle of the lawn. Ash, he realised, as two figures, one male and one female, emerged from the noisy beast’s belly, the woman single-mindedly carrying both rucksacks despite the obvious entreaties of the man. Heads ducked, the two
