the halls in his swimming trunks one day after school, his oiled, hairless barrel chest reddened by patches of acne.
Chris stood back and fingered his crucifix, his eyes on my face. “Your color’s back. You must be feeling better.”
I nodded.
“Good.”
I said, “You used the past tense when you spoke about your uncle’s mistress. What happened to her?”
“She died.”
“Did he kill her?”
Chris jerked his head up. “In a sense, I guess he did.”
I waited for more, but he didn’t explain. He sketched furiously. “You can take your panties off now.”
I froze.
Chris said, “If it’s too hard for you, Teresa, we’ll forget the whole thing. The purpose of this is to make us closer, not to put up walls.”
He spoke smoothly and soothingly, as if my feelings were his only concern. At that moment, I would probably have drunk poison for him. Instead, I slipped off my panties, keeping my knees up, legs soldered together.
Chris walked over to me. Looming over my smallness, he must have sensed how insignificant I felt. He knelt down and spoke very softly. “Give me privilege, angel. I swear I won’t ever let you down.”
I still couldn’t move.
“Let me help you.”
He put his hands on my knees and opened my legs, positioning them about two feet apart. His face was so close I could feel warmed air on my inner thighs. His skin was flushed, his eyes had dilated, and his breathing had become audible. He remained in the same position for what seemed like an interminable period.
Finally, he let out a breathless laugh. “I swear to Jesus, I can’t get up. I can’t move. I’m … too weak.”
I smiled.
He closed his eyes, crossed himself, and finally stood up. He threw back his head and burst into unrestrained laughter. “Well, that was a first.” Slowly, he made his way back to his sketch pad. “Just keep that position.”
He laughed again. It was infectious and I started to relax. After a while, my eyes traveled down his body, landing on the noticeable bulge in his crotch. I felt tingling below, wondered if he noticed. A moment later, he gave me a knowing smile.
“You dirty girl, keep your eyes up and off my groin.”
“You can look, why can’t I?”
“I don’t mind you looking,” he clarified. “But I need to see your beautiful eyes.”
“You’re not looking at my eyes, Christopher.”
Again Chris smiled. “You’re nasty, Teresa. Of course I’m looking at your eyes.” He flipped to a new piece of paper. “If you’re that curious, I can take my pants off.”
“I’ll pass. My heart’s only good for a shock a day and I’m still dealing with your uncle’s death threats.”
“Terry, nothing’s going to happen to you.” He studied me, then his drawing. “I’d … kill myself before I’d let anything ever happen to you. You may be little in size, but you’ve got a six-four, one-hundred-eighty-pound killing machine at your service. More reliable than a pit bull and I don’t have bad breath. Hold still.”
“Chris?”
“What?”
“How did your uncle’s mistress die?”
He didn’t answer me. I didn’t press it. He sketched in silence for half an hour. Finally, he set down his charcoal, put on his shirt, then picked up the comforter from the floor. He draped it across my shoulders.
“She died of breast cancer. She had it for a long time, but was afraid to go to the doctors. She was afraid of losing her breast, disfiguring the body he loved so much. She just let it go until it was way too late. Stupid. He later told me the sexiest thing about her chest wasn’t her breasts but her heartbeat.”
He traced my jawline with his finger.
“You would have liked my mom. She was beautiful, but real down to earth. Just like you.”
“Your mom?” I looked at him, wide-eyed. “So your uncle Joey isn’t really—”
“No. After my dad was murdered, my mom took a job at Joey’s place as a housekeeper. He took an instant liking to her; they became lovers. Joey’s wife—the woman I call my aunt—was always the refined lady. She just … looked the other way. After my mom died, she and my uncle adopted me. They never could have their own kids, so this seemed like a good solution.”
He stopped talking, his eyes far away.
“My aunt got her revenge on my mother. She co-opted me. I never talked about my mom after she died. My aunt wouldn’t have allowed it. I was no longer my mom’s kid. I was my aunt’s child. Only remnants of my former life are some scars and my name.”
“It must have made you angry.”
“More sad than anything. I knew what she was doing but was still grateful to her. Both she and my uncle could have sent me packing. Which would have meant five years in foster homes. After my mom died, I had nowhere to go.”
I said, “Now I understand why you agreed to marry Lorraine.”
His laugh was bitter. “I didn’t agree to anything, Terry. I obeyed an order.”
The room fell quiet.
“Only thing I ever bucked Joey on was school,” Chris continued. “He wanted me to marry Lorenza as soon—”
“Lorenza?”
“Lorenza’s her given name. He wanted me to marry her as soon as I turned eighteen. I told him it made more sense for me to finish up my schooling out here, then go back east and get married. He finally gave in, but he wasn’t happy about it. He won’t be happy until I’m tied for life with a couple of sons under my belt … common grandchildren.”
He kissed my hand and brought it to his cheek.
“Can we do this again next Friday night? Make it our special evening?”
I told him yes.
“Thank you.” He kissed my hand again, then let it go. “Terry, listen to me. Everything we’ve said is very private. We go back to school on Monday, it’s like before. You stay with your friends, I stay with mine. You understand why?”
“You don’t want your uncle to find out about me.”
“Yes. Also I’ve done stuff in the past—a couple of drug convictions and some B and Es. Stuff I did to prove myself to my uncle. All I got for my efforts was beatings. But I didn’t care. I wanted my uncle to see me as tough.”
