change really. The casino was my steady wage and paid the bills. I guess I was depressed again but didn’t recognise it at the time.
‘It was a few months before I noticed there was something different about Cleo. She was putting on weight, eating weird stuff and sleeping all the time. She couldn’t hide her pregnancy from me for another day.
‘Her confirmation of my suspicion really turned my world upside down. That feeling, dreams coming true, existed for an entire three seconds, then she blurted out that the baby was Stan’s. Stan was my best friend, the guy I’d set up the casino with. It seemed during my depression Stan had been cheering Cleo up, not with a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers, but with his big, fat, cheating dick.
‘If I thought I’d been depressed before, then now I was rock bottom. Cleo announced that she was in love with Stan and wanted to divorce me and marry him so he could raise his child. Talk about getting kicked in the guts when you’re already down. I’m pretty sure I would have made a go of it, with her and the baby, if she’d just given me some time to get used to the idea. I loved her with all my heart and could have loved her child. But Cleo always was an instant gratification kind of girl. If she wanted something she wanted it now, and right then, she wanted Stan.
‘So there was nothing left for me to do but sell the house and move away. I didn’t fancy Greece and a sister who still wouldn’t speak to me and a fiancée who I hoped had moved on with her life but would probably still garrote me given the chance.’
‘So that’s how you came back to the UK?’ I asked, finishing up with his feet and putting the cream back on the shelf.
‘Yes, I went to Manchester. It was where I knew and I took a job in marketing. I hated it, despite climbing the ranks pretty quickly. Everyone there was such a shark, ready to take chunks out of one another to look good or claim an idea or strategy. I might not be a model citizen, but I knew right from wrong, and the things that went on at this place, well it was just plain immoral.
‘So five years ago, divorced, alone, and in a job I hated, I upped sticks to the Dales and joined the fire service. It wasn’t as well paid as marketing. But for the first time I felt like I was doing something worthwhile. The guys I worked with were salt-of-the-earth types and the people I helped genuinely in need. I finally found a sense of peace within myself.’
He sighed, and I helped him drink a little more of his beer. He gulped quickly, taking over half the drink in one go.
‘Until three weeks ago,’ he said licking his lips. ‘That damn beam came down and this happened.’ He held up his bandaged hands. ‘I guess it could have been worse though.’
‘Yep, you could not be here at all, same goes for the person you saved,’ I said, squeezing out the flannel.
He gave a small shudder. ‘I know, I’m used to risking myself but the thought of a bad judgment or a twist of fate having implications for someone else makes my blood run cold if I think about it too much.’
‘I know what you mean.’
‘Yeah, I’m sure, doing the job you do.’
Our eyes connected briefly.
‘So have you been going through all of this alone?’ I asked.
‘I’ve got good friends, the best. The guys from the station have been in and out visiting.’ He sighed. ‘But an accident like this, it kind of reminds them all of their own mortality and the risks they take on a daily basis. It’s not easy viewing.’
‘What about your sister? Has she been to see you?’
‘No. I sent her a letter two weeks ago. I know it arrived in Greece, I sent it recorded delivery. She signed for it but she hasn’t answered. Not yet anyway.’
I shook my head. What a cow. An injured brother and she ignores him because of something that happened years ago. Life was too short. I had no siblings and would have done just about anything to have a brother or sister when I was growing up. Some people didn’t know how lucky they were.
‘Hey, don’t look sorry for me,’ he said. ‘That’s the last thing I need. I’m sure it will all work out.’ He grinned. ‘Me and Mr Cobra down there have had some serious fun, and one thing I’ve learnt is you’ve gotta take the ups with the downs. This is just one of the downs, I’ll get through it no matter what the future holds.’ His eyes sparkled, telling his story had obviously made him wonder what direction his life would take from here. Would he be able to go back to the job that had finally given him his place in the world and brought him peace?
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