‘Does he know how much that’ll cost in nappies as well as plastic surgery?’ Pip had a sudden vision of Sam’s gorgeous body being lifted, sucked and tucked in all directions as daddy David drilled them into becoming mini-me goal keepers. Not that many people would object to a few David clones.
‘And you’d need a bigger Jacuzzi.’
Sam ignored her, too taken with the fantasy world she was busy creating in her head. ‘Oh, babe, can you imagine having a little girl to take shopping? Just think about all the gorg stuff you can buy. You can get all the same stuff for kids now as for yourself, you know. Even, like, mini Barbours from when they are really teeny tiny. And’ she was warming to the subject, ‘the girls could have cute ponies and join in with the jumping that everyone does here. They just look so good in white pants and those black jackets, don’t they? Have you seen Jordan when she does that dressage stuff like Dom does? She looks cool, and so glam too with her hair up and that red lipstick. Somebody told me she had to have her boobs reduced so she could ride properly. That can’t possibly be true, can it?’ She paused, obviously considering that dressage might not be the ideal pursuit for her as-yet unconceived offspring. ‘I mean, I can see that it might make it more difficult to jump, but that stuff is just on a flat bit, isn’t it?’
‘I haven’t the foggiest, although you don’t see many big-boobed riders do you? Not professional ones anyway. There’s lots on the hunting field.’ Pip paused, aware she was being drawn into the ridiculous conversation.
‘Maybe she was scared they’d pop if she fell off?’ Sam gave a hearty laugh and opened her big blue eyes wide in mock horror.
In her brief time with Lottie and the Tippermere crew, Pip had seen a fair few falls – some of them quite spectacular (and most of them arse over tit, as Billy liked to point out), but she could never remember seeing any breast implants explode. Never. It would have made a lasting memory and the easiest piece of journalism she’d ever done in her life. ‘I thought they were supposed to be robust. Anyway it’s probably better to fall on your boobs than your nose. Although I suppose you could get a nose job.’ The sarcasm was lost on Sam.
‘You can get anything fixed now, babe. I know some really good people. Them days of black eyes and having to hide away for weeks have gone. Davey said that Jose’s fiancée had her boobs done for the World Cup and was on the beach by the time they’d played their first match.’
‘I thought she was just his girlfriend.’ Pip was faintly miffed that not only had she somehow missed out on the news that the England football manager had got engaged without her knowledge, but that she still hadn’t managed to get an interview with him. When Sam and her footballing husband, David, had moved into Kitterly Heath she’d had plans to grab some headlines of her own, but somehow her eye had drifted off the ball once she’d moved in with Mick. And she hadn’t realised quite how much until now.
‘Oh she went all out for the World Cup and he was so pissed after they won it that he proposed. She would have been gutted if he hadn’t after having her nails and her tits done specially.’
It was at that point, when she really felt that the conversation was getting out of control and taking on a life of its own, that there was a loud rap on the door, followed by an unnecessarily long ring on the buzzer. ‘Here, pour us another glass while I see who that is.’ Hopefully sanity would have returned by the time she did.
***
‘Now aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Thought I was never going to find this place. Going to invite me in?’
Pip stared at the hunk standing on her doorstep and her heart plummeted straight to her boots. Todd. As far as she was concerned, the only solution to the Todd problem was to put him on a plane, not look after him. And now he was on her doorstep. With, she noticed in alarm, a rucksack. A big rucksack.
In Barcelona she’d never really got to know him that well, but she did know that he was a complete heel for dumping Lottie like he had. And if he’d come back and said sorry, like Lottie had said, then that was fine. But that was it.
‘I’m hallucinating.’ She was pretty sure that when Lottie had made the suggestion that she babysit Todd, she had not said yes. She had not even said maybe. Either time. She had definitely said no and changed the subject. ‘You’re not here and this is not happening. I thought you’d be on a plane by now.’ Pip clamped her mouth and the door shut simultaneously. Except that an oversized boot got there first. ‘You’ve done that before, I bet. Used to having doors slammed in your face, are you? Now move your bloody foot out of my doorway.’ She pushed harder, but he didn’t budge. Just grinned. ‘Just like you’ve done other things before.’ She didn’t add the ‘like get married before you get divorced’ bit, because she didn’t need to.
‘Ah come on, be a sport, give us a chance. I didn’t have you down as a tight arse. Thought you’d be pleased to see me again.’
‘Piss off, Todd. I don’t want to see you again, and neither does Lottie. She’s just too nice to tell you where to go.’ And they really didn’t need him right now, she could have added, when Lottie was settled with Rory and a line had been drawn under what had always had the potential to be a disastrous relationship. And Lottie had far more important and serious things to think about. Like raise mega amounts of money. ‘You’ve seen her and apologised.’ He grinned. ‘So you can go back Down-Under now before you cause any more problems.’
‘How do you know I haven’t changed?’
‘How do I know a dog’s got bollocks?’
He looked confused for a second. ‘Take a look under its tail?’
‘Exactly! And with you I don’t even need to look. Still got yours?’
‘You betcha, babe.’
‘Well, we don’t want to see them here. And leave Tab alone, she’s a kid.’
‘You’re not still sore about the whole getting-arrested-on-the-beach thing are you?’
‘Yes.’ She tried kicking her side of the door, in the hope it would hurt. But he didn’t even have the manners to flinch. ‘You just have no idea the state you left Lottie in, have you?’
‘You mean it really didn’t go down at all well?’
‘That’s one way of putting it.’
‘She seemed okay about seeing me, all things considered. We had quite a chat and she was cool.’
‘Are you stupid? It went down like a lead balloon. She’s just being polite. Though God knows why.’ Maybe if she put her shoulder to it, it would help, she thought, still wrestling with the door.
‘Come on, mate, it’s not like I murdered anyone, now, is it? Be reasonable. I’m pretty damned sure Lottie is totally cool about it now. You saw for yourself at her old man’s wedding.’
‘Well, I’m not cool about it, totally or otherwise.’ I could be the one doing the murdering right now, thought Pip, wondering how the hell Lottie had ever fallen for the blond beach bum who was currently loitering on her Cheshire doorstep. Well, apart from the obvious, like the baby blue eyes, wicked grin and muscles. But he was a complication too far. Yesterday had been entertaining, today he was outstaying his welcome.
‘Anyway, weren’t you deported or put in prison, or something?’
