watching proceedings, stepped out from the shadow of the building and put a protective arm around his wife’s shoulders. ‘What did we agree about not overdoing things?’ He looked down his long, elegant nose, slightly disapprovingly, in Lottie’s direction and she shrugged her shoulders, doing her best to ignore the piercing blue gaze that was so like her gran’s and always left her feeling like a naughty child.
‘Just a small event, darling, as an announcement that we’re back in business.’
Lottie gave a sigh of relief as Dom switched his gaze from her back to Amanda, and it softened. He’d always seemed stuffy, serious, and slightly too aristocratic and forbidding as she was growing up (and still did sometimes, like when she was sure she’d done something he wouldn’t approve of), but when he looked at Amanda he was a different man.
Well, he still made her feel a klutz – overweight, clumsy and never quite as confident as she should be – but she’d seen a softer side to him since he’d met Amanda and had been amazed by how delighted he’d been at the prospect of fatherhood.
‘Big is better though, isn’t it, girls?’ Sam laughed heartily. ‘Like them firemen on the calendar. Have you seen it, Mand?’
Amanda shook her head and Dom sighed. ‘I will go and attend to the champagne, ladies.’
‘Old Molly at the shop told me your dad had been in stocking up for Tiggy, saucy mare isn’t she? And at her age as well. Bless, she’s such a card. I reckon her and your dad are a perfect match. Well, of course, not as perfect as your mum and dad.’ She gave Lottie an apologetic hug.
‘They are perfect together, though she’s much too nice to him sometimes. I’m not sure Mum would run after him like Tiggy does. From what Gran’s said I think she was more like Roxy.’
‘Aww, nobody is like my Roxy, she’s a right little tinker at times. I bet your mum was lovely, just like you.’
Lottie smiled. It was hard to know what her mother, Alexa, would have been like if she’d lived beyond her twenty-fourth birthday. Everybody said she’d been mischievous, a whirlwind of energy with long curly hair and dark flashing eyes, but Lottie didn’t know. She couldn’t even remember her mother’s touch, her presence. ‘I was younger than Roxy and Alice when she died, and all I know is that her and Dad loved each other.’ But would Alexa have loved her, Lottie? Had she ever even wanted children, or had she had that gnawing empty well of fear at the pit of her stomach when she’d found out she was pregnant, the same feeling that Lottie had whenever the baby question was asked? Maybe Alexa had just been doing her duty and trying to fill Tipping House with the heirs it demanded.
“Aww I’ve made you sad, babe.’
‘You haven’t, I’m fine.’ Lottie grinned and tried to shake off gloomy thoughts about babies. ‘I love Tigs. She’s good for Dad. He was such a grumpy bugger before.’
Sam giggled. ‘I’ve been trying to get Tiggy to come with me and get her roots done. I mean, nobody actually wants to have all them grey bits on their head, do they? My hairstylist, Bobby, would make her look ten years younger, and I reckon a bit of Moroccan oil would work wonders on her hair. Look what it’s done for me.’ She held a blond strand out for inspection. ‘I don’t think them people in Morocco should have kept it a secret from us for so long, it’s amazing. Anyhow, she keeps saying she’s busy. Run off her feet she is.’
Lottie knew Tiggy was no such thing, but wasn’t surprised at the tactics. Her step-mother, AKA ‘Tatty Tiggy’, was more than happy in her own skin and Billy loved her just as she was, with her bohemian clothes, wild hair, and ample bosom. Whilst Lottie was pretty sure that nothing in life ever horrified Tiggy, at a guess she did, no doubt, think the idea of a Samantha-style makeover a huge joke. She was still trying to work out whether there was a tactful response or whether she’d be better just smiling, when a shriek of laughter made them all turn round.
‘Lottie, Manda, Mummy look, look at me.’ Roxy had found an old cushion and was sitting on it sliding down the stone steps that led up to the balustrade, where they were supposed to be watching the fireworks from. She was nothing if not resourceful.
‘What is she like? Bless her. Davey, Dave hun, be a babe and bring her back. My heels are hell walking up and down these steps. Get one caught in a crack and I’ll be A over T again, won’t I?’
‘I thought your au-pair was supposed to be here, Sam?’
‘I’ve given her Christmas off, babe. So she can see her family, back in Croatia or wherever it is. Where’s she from, Dave?’ She carried on without waiting for an answer. Dave was busy turning his daughter upside down so that she squealed and her dress covered her head. Lottie watched worriedly as he put her on his shoulders. She was only three and he was the size you’d expect to be an England goalkeeper to be – six foot and quite a lot. Roxy, though, was fearless.
‘But it’s New Year now, Sam, shouldn’t she be back?’
‘Aww I know, babe, but it’s a long way, isn’t it? We can manage, can’t we Davey? And I thought a proper Christmas holiday, just us,’ she linked her arm through Lottie’s, ‘would be amazing. We’ve helped each other out, haven’t we, babe? And the kids love being with you and Rory.’
Hmm, I know they do, thought Lottie, waiting for the inevitable subject to crop up again. Just when she’d been trying to forget about it.
‘Your turn next eh, hun? Don’t want your eggs getting past their sell-by date, do you? You’ll only be fit for making omelettes, as my mam used to say.’
Lottie smiled. Sam was as bad as Gran; once she had an idea she was like a bloody terrier. There was no letting go, but this was one decision that Lottie wasn’t going to be bullied into. It wasn’t just that they couldn’t afford it – it was more than that. The whole idea scared her: all that responsibility, just her and Rory and a tiny defenceless baby. She glanced down at Alice, who had slipped her small hand into her mother’s and was standing quietly at her side.
What she’d said to Sam about Alexa was true. She’d never really known her mother, as she’d been a toddler when Alexandra had died, leaving just her and Billy. She loved her father and she knew he loved her, but she also knew she’d changed his life. Thrown a burden of responsibility on the young show-jumper that had altered the course of his future. Even now, when she was supposed to be all grown up, she still remembered those feelings she’d had as a teenager. She’d hated her mother, the woman she’d never known – truly hated her with a strength that had left her feeling sick and guilty – for leaving and turning their lives upside down.
Her only real memories came from photographs, of a laughing carefree girl, forever young. A girl who’d flitted away, abandoned her. They’d got by, but she dimly remembered the many heated arguments she’d overheard between Billy and Elizabeth, and the frequent occasions when a groom had picked her up from school. ‘I wish I was a better dad,’ he’d said when he rang her from yet another show-jumping event, apologetic that he’d missed a parents’ evening, a sports day. But he had been a good dad, a good dad trying to be a mum as well. Struggling to be everything, when her mother should have been there. How could she even think about being a mother herself when she didn’t know what one really was? She’d either be stupidly over-protective or resent the whole idea of motherhood and carry on as she always had.
‘I do love this terrace.’ Amanda ran a hand along the stone balustrade, trying to change the subject, glancing up at her through long eyelashes with a worried frown.
But there
