could bear, and she still wasn’t sure about her decision.
It had taken a long time to get to where she was with Mark. Could she really throw it away on one hurried conversation, one tender look? She tried to forget about the stolen hugs, the moments she’d shared with Joe over the last few months, and the way her heart rate increased when she pictured the warm smile that crinkled his blue eyes.
She was relieved and terrified when she saw Mark’s Audi was parked outside his house. He’d driven to the cove to take banners and food for the barbecue, so she knew for certain that he’d returned home.
Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she climbed the steps up to number four and rang the bell. She heard it echo inside, and then fast feet running down the corridor. She bit her lip and waited for the door to open.
Mark’s border collie Chips ran straight into her, nudging her nose into her legs. She stroked the dog’s silky ears, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Mark. He was wearing the jeans and jumper he’d had on at the beach, his dark hair drying untidily around his face, but his expression was darker than she’d ever seen it. His lips were pressed together, and his brown eyes looked at her with a cold detachment that made her insides shrivel. She’d done nothing wrong, she told herself. She just had to make Mark believe it.
‘Can I come in?’ she asked, resting her hand on Chips’s soft head.
Mark was silent for a moment, then gestured for her to come inside.
Cat perched on the edge of his leather sofa, wrapping her arms around her. Mark stood in the doorway.
‘Are you cold?’ There was an edge to his voice, but Cat could also hear disappointment in it. She’d managed to disappoint so many people recently, in one way or another, but she hadn’t imagined it could happen with Mark.
‘No, I’m fine, thanks. Come and sit down.’ She patted the sofa next to her.
Mark hesitated, as if there was a delay between the words leaving her mouth and reaching him, but then he joined her. Cat was conscious of the gap between them: hands, knees not touching.
‘I wanted to explain what happened, in the van.’
Mark nodded. ‘Go on. I’m all ears.’
‘Right.’ She swallowed. Chips was lying on the floor under the window, and she wished she could bury her head in the collie’s warm fur. ‘What you saw – nothing happened. Nothing was happening, nothing was going to happen. Joe wanted to talk to me because…I’m not there any more. At number nine. I’m always here.’
‘So he has to pick the moment you’re naked to come and find you?’ Mark asked sharply.
‘No, of course not. That was a mistake. He just wanted to talk to me about something.’
‘What?’ Mark clasped his hands in front of him, his elbows on his knees. Cat was struck all over again by how handsome he was, with his dark, messy hair, his strong jawline. But without his usual charm, without the light of amusement in his eyes, he was a different person. An image of Joe, looking at her with real compassion, flashed in Cat’s mind and she pushed it aside.
This was the hard part. Cat didn’t want to lie and she knew she’d done nothing wrong, but the truth about Joe’s cartoon wasn’t going to reassure him.
She ran her finger along her jeans. ‘He’s had a job offer, a new project, for the local paper. It’s a cartoon strip, and he – he wanted to use an idea that sort of relates to me.’
‘Relates to you? What does that mean?’
Cat looked at the floor. ‘His idea is a character called Curiosity Kitten. It’s this kitten who gets into all kinds of scrapes because she’s curious.’ She thought back to the sketches she’d seen. ‘Like opening a box with something dangerous inside, trying to see into a window and falling off her makeshift ladder, that kind of thing.’
‘And that’s you because…?’
‘Because I’m curious, Mark. I do stupid things like that. Sometimes they work, like with Frankie and her attic room, and sometimes, like seeing what would happen if I took a puppy into a nursery, they backfire spectacularly.’
‘So what you’re saying,’ Mark said, shifting round to face her more directly, his knee brushing hers, ‘Is that Joe’s drawing a cartoon that takes the piss out of you? And he didn’t think you’d have a problem with that?’ He laughed. ‘Is he for real?’
Cat shrugged, sensing that he was on the verge of thawing. Of course that was what she wanted, but she had never intended to make Joe out to be the bad guy. ‘He wanted to make sure I was OK with it,’ she said. ‘I was put out to begin with, but is it really so bad being the subject of someone’s work? Don’t you put people you know in your films?’
Mark shook his head, dismissing her change of subject. ‘That’s what he wanted to talk to you about? In the back of the van, both of you half naked?’ He caught her eye and Cat felt her cheeks colour, but annoyance flashed through her – why was he making this so difficult?
‘That was unintentional. I was getting changed, and he was – he’d just finished surfing.’
‘Oh yes,’ Mark said bitterly, ‘the star surfer.’
‘Mark, come on—’
‘Come on?’ he shot back. ‘I open that door to find you and your housemate Joe, who, by the way, is clearly besotted with you, standing inches apart, skin on show, and you expect me to believe it was a chat? Why did he need to talk to you right then? Was it just inspiration he wanted from you, or more? Or maybe you’d agreed to meet him there so you could debrief each other.’
‘Of course not,’ Cat said, her voice rising. ‘Joe wanted to talk to me, and it was just the wrong time. It was so the wrong time.’ She risked reaching out and taking his hand. He didn’t flinch, but he didn’t slide his fingers between hers either. ‘Nothing has ever happened between me and Joe. I want to be with you. Hasn’t the last month proved that?’
Mark looked out of the window, his dark brows knitting together. ‘It was humiliating, Cat, finding you like that. I know you’ve always been close to him—’
‘He’s my housemate.’
‘And it caught me off guard. Surely you can see why it would upset me?’ He turned back to her, squeezing her hand.
Cat felt a momentary resistance before squeezing back. She was relieved the confrontation was over, but it wasn’t the thunderbolt she’d been hoping for, a jolt of contentment that told her she was making the right decision, that this was where she was meant to be. ‘Of course I can,’ she said, ‘and I’m sorry. It was a misunderstanding – of course I can see how it looked – but Joe and I are just friends. I love spending time with you and Chips. We’ve only just started getting to know each other, and I don’t want it to end now.’ She risked moving closer to him, and she could see a flicker of the old Mark in his eyes.
‘I don’t either.’ He pulled her towards him, wrapping her in his arms. ‘I don’t want to lose you, Cat. I’ve lost – I just…don’t want to lose you. Stay here tonight.’ Mark pushed her back to arm’s length and gave her his warmest smile. ‘Don’t go home.’ He ran
