But then he’d thought of Alannah. Curled up alone by the fire with her raven hair aglow, while beside her that corny Christmas tree glittered. All that trouble she’d taken to create some sort of occasion and he’d just callously thrown it back in her face. What kind of a man did that? He thought of how much he’d anticipated making love to her again. How he’d spent the day aching to possess her and wanting to feel her arms wrapped tightly around him. What was wrong with him?
He put down his glass and his face was sombre as he turned to look at her.
‘I came back because I realised I was behaving like an idiot,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and I’m sorry.’
Alannah sensed that sorry wasn’t a word which usually featured highly in his vocabulary, but she wasn’t letting him off that lightly. Did he think that a single word could wash away all the hurt he’d inflicted? ‘But you did.’
‘Yes. I did.’
‘Because you always have to be in charge don’t you, Niccolò?’ she demanded, her anger starting to bubble up. ‘You decided how you wanted Christmas to play out and that was it as far as you were concerned. What you want is paramount, and everyone else’s wishes can just go hang. This is exactly what happened at Michela’s wedding, isn’t it? Niccolò wants it this way—so this is the way it must be.’
‘That was different.’
‘How?’ she demanded. ‘How was it different? How did you ever get to be so damned…controlling?’
The flames were flickering over his brooding features and illuminating his ebony hair, so that it glowed like fire-touched coal.
‘How?’ He gave a short laugh. ‘You don’t have any ideas?’
‘Because you’re Sicilian?’
‘But I’m not,’ he said unexpectedly. ‘I’m only half Sicilian. My blood is not “pure”. I am half Corsican.’ He frowned. ‘You didn’t know that?’
She shook her head and suddenly his almost swashbuckling appearance made sense. ‘No. I had no idea. Michela never really talked about that kind of thing. Boarding school is about reinvention—and escape. About painting yourself in the best possible light so that nobody feels sorry for you. All we knew was that you were unbelievably strict.’ She put her glass down. ‘Although you did used to take her to the Bahamas for Christmas every year, and we used to get pretty jealous about that.’
‘She never told you why?’
‘I knew that your parents were dead.’ She hesitated. ‘But nobody wants to talk about that kind of stuff, do they?’
Niccolò felt his mouth dry. No, they didn’t. They definitely didn’t. And when death was connected with shame, it made you want to turn your back on it even more. To keep it hidden. To create some kind of distance and move as far away from it as you could. He’d done that for Michela, but he’d done it for himself, too. Because some things were easier to forget than to remember.
Yet even though she was doing her best to disguise it, Alannah was looking at him with such hurt and confusion on her face that he felt it stab at his conscience. All she’d done was to try to make his Christmas good and he had thrown it back in her face in a way she didn’t deserve. He’d given her a lot of stuff she didn’t deserve, he realised—and didn’t he owe her some kind of explanation?
‘Mine was a very…unusual upbringing,’ he said, at last. ‘My mother came from a powerful Sicilian family who disowned her when she married my father.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Wasn’t that a little…dramatic?’
He shrugged. ‘Depends which point of view you take. Her family was one of the wealthiest on the island—and my father was an itinerant Corsican with a dodgy background, who worked in the kitchens of one of her family hotels. It was never going to be thought of as an ideal match—not by any stretch of the imagination.’ His gaze fixed on the flames which danced around one of the logs. ‘My father was completely uneducated but he possessed a tremendous charisma.’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘Along with a massive gambling addiction and a love of the finer things in life. My mother told me that her parents did everything in their power to prevent the marriage and when they couldn’t—they told her she would only ever be welcome if she parted from him. Which for a strictly traditional Sicilian family was a pretty big deal.’
Alannah stared at him. ‘So what did she do?’
‘She defied them and married him anyway. She loved him. And she let that love—’ His voice took the word and distorted it—so that when it left his lips it sounded like something dark and savage. ‘She let it blind her to everything. His infidelity. His habitual absences. The fact that he was probably more in love with her inheritance, than with her. They took the boat to Italy when my mother was pregnant with me and we lived in some style in Rome—while my father flew to casinos all over the world and spent her money. My mother used to talk to me all the time about Sicily and I guess I became a typical immigrant child. I knew far more about the place of my birth than I did about my adopted homeland.’
Alannah leaned forward to throw another log on the fire as his words tailed off. ‘Go on,’ she said.
He watched the flames leap into life. ‘When I was old enough, she used to leave me in charge of Michela so she could go travelling with him. She used to sit in casinos, just watching him—though I suspect it was mainly to keep the other women at bay. But he liked the attention—the idea that this rich and wealthy woman had given up everything to be with him. He used to tell her that she was his lucky charm. And I guess for a while that was okay—I mean, the situation certainly wasn’t perfect, but it was bearable. Just that beneath the surface everything was crumbling and there was nothing I could do to stop it.’
She heard the sudden darkness in his voice. ‘How?’
Leaning his head back against the chair, he half closed his eyes. ‘My mother’s inheritance was almost gone. The rent on our fancy apartment in Parioli was due and the creditors were circling like vultures. I remember her mounting sense of panic when she confided the bitter truth to me. I was eighteen and working towards going to college, though something told me that was never going to happen. My father found out about a big tournament in Monaco and they drove to France so that he could take part in it.’ There was a pause. ‘It was supposed to be the solution to all their problems.’
She heard the sudden break in his voice. ‘What happened?’
‘Oh, he won,’ he said. ‘In fact, he cleaned up big time. Enough to clear all his debts and guarantee them the kind of future my mother had prayed for.’
‘But?’ She sensed there was a but coming. It hung in the air like a heavy weight about to topple. He lowered his head to look at her and Alannah almost recoiled from the sudden bleakness in his eyes.
‘That night they celebrated with too much champagne and decided to set off for Rome, instead of waiting until the morning. They were driving through the Italian alps when they took a bend too fast. They hit the side of the mountain and the car was destroyed.’ He didn’t speak for a moment and when he did, his words sounded as if they had been carved from stone. ‘Neither of them would have known anything about it. At least, that’s what the doctors told me.’
‘Oh, Niccolò,’
