fingers played restlessly with the crisp edge of the sheet. ‘He told you the truth when he said I’d been crazy about him for years. It started when I was thirteen, and I probably did make a hellish nuisance of myself over him. When I learned he’d got engaged, I felt as if my life had ended.
‘And now here he was, being kind, offering me a lift. It was like a glimpse of paradise. But we didn’t go straight home. Harry drove to Whitnall Woods, and parked there. He said he needed someone to talk to. That his engagement was a terrible mistake, and he was trying to break it off. He said he felt awful about it, because she was a wonderful girl, but not for him.
‘Then he said how strange it was that sometimes the girl you really wanted was right there, under your nose, only you were too blind to see it.
‘And he said, “Darcy—forgive me for being blind.”’ She tried to smile and failed. ‘I felt as if all my dreams had come true at once.’
‘Go on,’ Joel directed tersely.
‘He started to kiss me, and that was when everything changed. It should have been heaven, but it wasn’t. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t know why. So I asked him to take me home, and said we could talk again the next day, if he wanted.’
She bent her head. ‘He said it was far too early for that, and kissed me again. He told me I had a lovely mouth, then—then he undid his zip and tried to push my head down, towards him. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t…’
‘No,’ Joel said quietly. ‘And why should you?’
She took a breath. ‘He laughed at me. Said it was the twenty-first century, and I should lighten up. That he thought blow jobs were on the curriculum of every girls’ school. He squeezed my breasts, and I told him to stop, but he said he knew what I really wanted. Then he pushed me down on the seat, and ripped my underwear. I tried to scream, but everything was dark and stifling, and I couldn’t make a sound. So, it—happened.’
‘And afterwards?’ Joel asked curtly.
Darcy shook her head. ‘He said I had a lot to learn about men. That I shouldn’t lead them on, then make a fuss.’
‘My God.’ Joel was silent for a moment. ‘Who else knows about this?’
She swallowed convulsively. ‘No one.’
‘Why didn’t you report it to the police?’
She said in a low voice, ‘Because it was my word against his, and I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me. He was a neighbour’s son, after all, and it was an open secret how I felt about him. A big joke in the neighbourhood. I—I knew that.
‘And there were plenty of people at the party who’d seen me leave with him. Anyway, he’d already established his defence. He’d have claimed I encouraged him, and afterwards reported him for revenge because he wasn’t prepared to ditch Emma for me.’
She sighed. ‘Besides, it also meant my father knowing, and Aunt Freddie, and I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t hurt them like that, or let them find out that I’d lied about where I was going that night, because I knew they wouldn’t approve. I suppose I just wanted to put it behind me. Forget what a fool I’d been—the whole thing.’
‘Then why did you turn up at the club that evening? Surely not to tell him what a complete and utter bastard he was?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘Not that. I went there because I’d just found out I was having his baby.’
There was a terrible silence, then Joel said wearily, ‘Oh, my God.’ His arm tightened round her, drawing her closer so that she could feel the deep beat of his heart under her cheek. ‘Why, Darcy? Did you really imagine he’d help you?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘At least—I don’t know. I suppose I was totally in shock—not thinking straight. He was the father and I didn’t know where else to turn. It seemed logical at the time.’
‘And instead of seeing you were in deep trouble, I treated you like a tart, and pushed you into the street.’ His voice was quietly bitter. ‘No wonder you were so hostile when we met again. You had every possible reason.’
‘Perhaps I should have been grateful.’ She bit her lip. ‘Later that night I had a miscarriage. I realised—afterwards—that had to be a blessing in disguise.
‘I also knew, when I had a chance to think straight, that going to Harry was the very worst thing I could have done. That I’d have hated him knowing. Hated it. So there was something else to be thankful for.’
She turned and looked at Joel. Saw the hardness of his mouth, and the brooding expression in his eyes that spoke of anger, and something less easily recognised. Almost, she thought, a kind of anguish.
She said urgently, ‘And he must never know, either. Joel, swear to me that you’ll say nothing. It’s over. Over and gone. And, anyway, there’s Emma to consider.’
He said grimly, ‘I don’t think Emma’s under any real illusion about the man she married. Not any more.’ He paused. ‘But it’s hardly over, Darcy. Not with the residue of pain and fear you still have. And which I’ve only added to,’ he added with renewed bitterness. ‘Reopened a two-year-old nightmare for you.’
She said stiltedly, ‘Now, perhaps, you can understand why I’d only marry you on certain terms.’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It explains a great deal.’
She went on, in a rush, ‘I don’t know why I told you all this. I didn’t intend to. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ Joel released his arm carefully, positioning her against the plumped-up pillows. ‘After all, I pushed you into it.’
He gave her a brief smile, stroked an errant strand of hair away from her face, then threw back the sheet and left the bed.
This time she was careful not to allow even a stray glance in his direction as he walked away across the room. And when the door closed behind him, leaving her alone, she breathed what she told herself was a sigh of relief.
Yet at the same time, without the support of his shoulder under her cheek, and the firmness of his arm around her, she felt oddly bereft, although, of course, she was still wrapped in his robe.
Not that she wanted him to stay, she amended hastily. But he’d listened to her, believed her, and what was more he’d been kind, none of which she’d really expected. Especially the kindness, she thought wryly. But maybe that was just guilt.
And he was certainly the last man on earth she’d ever imagined confiding in completely. Even Lois and Mick had never known the whole truth. She’d let them think that her pregnancy was simply an awful mistake—the reckless result of too much wine at a party.
But she’d had to tell Joel, she thought with sudden defensiveness. It was the only way to deal with the threat he posed to her. To make him understand that she could not endure being taken against her will a second time. That it would be a monstrous, an unforgivable thing to do.
Which he had totally accepted.
She shivered, and hugged the red silk more closely around her. A subtle fragrance seemed to cling to its folds—a
