Her breath caught in her throat. Dizziness threatened. She wanted to lean closer, and suddenly talking seemed like the safest thing to do. Telling him about the stupid mistakes she’d made suddenly became a way to put some distance between them, to keep her mind off the man.
So, despite the fact that she didn’t want to go into the humiliating details, she told him about tutoring Robert, mentoring Leo, and helping Michael with his parenting problems. “They thought they cared, but they were just…grateful and euphoric, I suppose,” she said. “And once their selfconfidence was restored, I was only a rung on the ladder, one that had served its purpose. They felt guilty, but it didn’t change things. I learned a valuable lesson. So you really don’t have to worry about me overdoing it at McKendrick’s. I like the work, but I’m not volunteering for a servile position.”
“Idiots,” he said.
“I was making the point that you don’t have to worry about me being a sacrificial lamb. I wasn’t aiming for your pity. I was trying to tell you that helping you isn’t hurting me. You’re not taking advantage of me, because I know all about that and this isn’t it.”
“They wounded your spirit,” he said angrily.
“But I survived.”
“That’s because you’re an intelligent, competent, selfassured woman.”
“Yes, I am,” she said, and realized that it was true. Her bad luck with love hadn’t broken her. Yet. “I’m not being egotistical. I know my flaws. But I also know what I like and what I’m good at, and that’s connecting with people on a basic, friendly, let-me-help-you level. It’s what drives me at work and what will help me get to where I want to be. I can help you win.”
“By running yourself into the ground?”
She sighed. “Wyatt, weren’t you listening? I thrive on work. It makes me feel good about myself. This job makes me feel powerful. To you I’m running myself into the ground. To me I’m just…being me.”
Without thinking, she reached across the table and placed her hand on his. Bad mistake, since she was now totally physically aware of him. Her first thought was to jerk back, but then he’d know how much he was affecting her, so she didn’t.
“I know my tendency to overdo makes people crazy. I did warn you about it that first day. But I’m not in any danger. I’m used to taking care of myself,” she said. “I know how. When both my fathers left us, we were out on the street lots of times with no home. My mom was a mess, and I had to be the grownup at times. So it’s good of you to worry about me, but…”
He swore. Actually swore—even if it was beneath his breath. “You are driving me crazy,” he told her. “I am not a good person. I have never been a good person. When I was growing up, my family members could barely control me. True, they were all first-class brutish animals, who detested the fact that I had even dared to survive my infancy, but they weren’t completely wrong about me, either. I lived to make them miserable.”
“Ah,” she said. Now she saw…something—a small piece of Wyatt’s past—and it filled her with pain. It involved a small boy and a much larger person bearing down on him. She remembered a comment Wyatt had once made about perfection. She remembered the moment with that guy the other day calling that little boy an idiot and Wyatt explaining how he had once made a lot of mistakes, too. “Your family wanted to change and control you.” Somehow she kept her voice from breaking.
He glowered. “As you said, I didn’t share this with you to earn your sympathy. I don’t talk about this stuff…to anyone but you need to know that I’m not ever going to be the knight in shining armor type. I’m the fists flying, spit in your eye type, and without even thinking about it I could hurt you, Alex. I wouldn’t want to, but it would happen anyway, so don’t start getting that ‘I’ll take care of you’ look in your eyes. I’ve seen you use that with customers.”
“And you’ve liked it then.”
“Yes, but I’m not a customer.”
“You’re my boss.”
“Yes,” he said. “I am. Most definitely.” Her hand was still resting on Wyatt’s. Now he flipped his palm over and took her hand in his own. “Don’t make me worry about you.”
Again she remembered what Randy had said about Wyatt becoming withdrawn when he broke a woman’s heart. Was this where she repeated her past again? A man regretting he’d gotten too close, who now had to find the nearest exit? She was sure that Wyatt’s withdrawal when he walked away from a woman was the result of the guilt he felt. A man who had been made to suffer, who had been denied love as a boy, would…would what?
Maybe he’d become an over-achiever, intent on proving that he deserved his place on the earth. Maybe he’d even want to accumulate accolades and awards to throw in their faces. And maybe…would he insulate himself by refusing to care about anyone deeply again? Good chance of that, and any woman who didn’t understand was bound to get her heart shredded. Would he worry about being the cause of other people’s pain? Oh, yes, it seemed he would. Because he would know too well what pain felt like.
“Have you really hurt women?” she asked, surprising herself and apparently surprising him, too, by his expression. He had just told her that he didn’t share this stuff and shouldn’t have shared what he already had. “I’m sorry. It was just a passing comment I heard. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
Wyatt sighed and frowned. “You should have if it was bothering you. And the answer is yes. And no. Not physically. Never. But emotionally? That’s a big yes.”
And it was clear that he hated that.
“All right. I’ll try not to make you worry,” she promised. “I’ll set the alarm on my watch and I’ll take my breaks. Randy will remind me. I won’t get sick on your watch. I promise you that.” And I won’t fall in love with you and bring that anguish to your eyes, either, she silently promised. At least she wouldn’t if she could help it. It was hard to resist a man who watched over his employees this carefully.
The darkness lifted from his expression, just a bit.
“But I have a good work ethic,” Alex told him. “I’ve told you how much my work and my success and doing a good job means to me, how it empowers me. So…since I don’t like taking too long for my lunch break we should eat.” Because now she was totally conscious that he was still holding her hand. His thumb was caressing her palm. It felt…exquisite.
She stared at where he was touching her.
He let her go and shrugged. “My mistake.”
Alex started to remind him that she was the one who had touched him first, but when she opened her mouth to say it, he stared at her with those fierce green eyes and she knew that he already knew what she was going to say.
He lifted one lazy eyebrow. “My mistake,” he said again. She nodded. “You’re the boss,” she told him again.
“Sometimes I wonder,” he muttered, as the waiter came up and took their order.
But what Alex was wondering when she returned to work after lunch, was how she was going to maintain a professional distance from Wyatt now that she’d seen a glimpse of his soul. The urge to fix, to help, was kicking in. She knew that feeling, and she’d lived to regret it. The fact that
