juvenile and…I just won’t. I never do. Not for years.”
His heart split right there and then. She hadn’t cried for years and he was the jerk who had brought her to the verge. But he could see that she was going to be as good as her word. She was fighting her fear with every ounce of strength she possessed.
“Ah, Meg, I’m so sorry,” he said, pulling her to him, his arms going around her. “I thought that I could easily convince you of the truth, that you’ll be just fine. I won’t let you fall. I won’t sacrifice you.”
He wanted to look into her pretty brown eyes so that she could see that he meant every word. But Meg had hidden her face against his chest. She was probably embarrassed.
“Fine independent businesswoman I’m turning out to be. I ask for your help and then at the first hint of anything stressful, I’m running away and squawking. Etienne, I’m truly ashamed for carrying on this way,” she said, confirming his assumptions. “I should know better. It’s just…I’m not very good yet at being a public person with strangers. I haven’t learned enough yet.”
“You’re very good with me.”
“You’re different.”
“How?”
“You’re…you.”
He smiled as the muffled word echoed through his skin against his heart. He started to tighten his hold. She felt good against him, but suddenly she pulled back and looked directly up at him, straight into his eyes, her caramel eyes glistening, although no tears had fallen.
“I really am sorry for being such an idiot,” she said. “I…The only very bad explanation I can give is that…my parents had me when they were older. They had a grown daughter by then and they didn’t want another. In fact, they had been planning to divorce, but then I came along and they felt they had to stay married. My father might have been okay with me if I had been a son, my mother might have been okay if I had been pretty like Ann, but I wasn’t either of those things. I was…not what they had signed on for, and then, one of those rare days when my mother was happy, she swung me in a circle, playing, but I was too big and we fell. I cut my cheek. After that, she not only wished I was pretty like Ann, she wished she could wipe away the scar she felt she had caused. To her I was a reminder of the mistakes she and my father had made. After that, they more or less ignored me.
“I read a lot, camped out in front of the television and gained weight. My reticence, my awkwardness and my height made me stand out at school, and not in a good way, either. So, I kept to myself and I never learned how to interact with people the way most women do. Except for here where Mary protected me.”
“Meg, don’t criticize yourself,” Etienne said, stroking her hair.
She shook her head. “I didn’t tell you this so that you would feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t. You’re unique and I mean that in the best way.”
“It’s just…I’m sorry that I made such a fuss. It’s hard for me to be a public person. It’s what I want to be able to do. It’s why I asked you to help me, and all right, I’m past my little fit. I’ll be better in a few minutes.”
Etienne saw red. He absolutely shouldn’t have done this without telling her. What’s more, he should have known all this about her background. Many people, maybe even most suffered from stage fright, but Meg had been forced to apologize for her appearance and for her very existence to the two people who should have pledged themselves to nurture and love her. And here he had gone and made things difficult for her and she was actually trying to apologize to him!
He gazed down into her eyes, those earnest, lovely eyes. Her lips were parted and he just knew she was going to try to reassure him some more and tell him that she would be fine, that he was not to worry that he had ambushed her.
It was too much. Etienne gave a small tug and pulled her deeper into his arms. He took her mouth with his own and swallowed her soft gasp of surprise.
Her body molded to his and for several seconds she was still as he tasted her, breathed her in and worshipped her lips. She was soft and very sweet and…
Meg shifted against him. She looped her arms around his neck and tilted her head. Her lips slid beneath his own, and flame shot through him.
A small moan escaped her, driving him insane to have more of her. He deepened the kiss, took more of her. He plunged his hands into those soft curls to hold her still.
But she wouldn’t be still. Her body slid over his as she returned his kiss, and the heat climbed higher within him.
He wanted her. All of her. Right here. In this room. Right now. He wanted her for hours. For days. And to hell if anyone returned to the office who would wonder what was going on, who would remember how she had been taken advantage of by a man before…
Etienne groaned and stilled.
Meg froze.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as they disentangled themselves.
“Please don’t say that.”
“I have to.”
“No. Don’t apologize. If you have to be sorry, don’t tell me so.”
And Etienne realized just what she meant. She had almost moved away completely, but he gently tried to pull her back.
Meg resisted.
“If you think I meant that I was sorry for wanting you, then you’re very wrong.” Even though he was sorry for that. Wanting her complicated things when he wasn’t going to stay.
“It’s all right.”
“No. It isn’t. I’m not Alan, Meg.”
How did the Americans say it? Bingo. Her eyes came to rest on him, and he saw the truth.
“When you and I touch, there’s nothing pretend about it for me,” he told her. “I desire you, very much. If I’m sorry, it’s not because the kiss was a lie but because it wasn’t. You and I…touching or…doing more…I can’t stay, Meg. I won’t lie to you about that. That’s why I’m sorry. I shouldn’t start something I can’t follow through on.”
She smiled then. Actually smiled when his body was screaming with the need to pull her to him. And then a sad little look came on her face. “All that moving around you do…I…It’s none of my business, I have no right to even ask why, but…”
“Her name was Louisa,” he said. “I’d known her forever. She was shy but not with me. Our families knew each other and from the day Louisa and I were born, our parents joked about how Louisa and I would marry. Only when my father died, it wasn’t a joke anymore. I was the only remaining Gavard male, and my mother pinned all her hopes on me. I inherited the Gavard estate and all the responsibilities and commitments and history that that entailed. I was expected to do the right thing, marry the right woman, have the right child. So, I did all those things. Or I attempted to.
“I hated it, but it was my duty and my mother grew hysterical at the thought that I might fail the family name. So, I married Louisa and found out that she loved me. And also found out that I could
