bright and fierce.
Immediately, as if he couldn’t help himself, he rose and went to her. “Meg, what’s wrong?” He reached out and took her hands.
She hesitated.
“Meg? Tell me.”
She shook her head. “It’s you.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You’re just doing too much for us. You’re pushing yourself too hard. You’ve been here day and night and you’re looking tired. It’s occurred to me that there’s a lot more at stake here than just Fieldman’s and all of us who work here.”
Etienne frowned at that. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you. Your reputation. You’ve been working so hard for us, but…what about you? You’ve been very nice about not pointing out to all of us that you have a reputation to uphold. Whether we…I, do a good job and cut a good image could affect you. And you haven’t even said anything. Is that why you’ve been so upset lately?”
It almost broke Etienne’s heart that Meg was worrying about him. “I haven’t been upset, ma chère.”
She crossed her arms. “You promised me truth.”
“All right, the truth is that I’ve given no thought whatsoever to my reputation.” He offered up a smile.
Meg frowned harder. “Then the reason you’ve been upset—”
“I didn’t say I was upset.”
“Etienne, did I ever tell you that I’m a very visual person? I need to see things in order to get them straight, but once I see them, everything falls into place. You’ve been preoccupied and you’ve been frowning a lot. Your eyes…”
“My eyes?”
She glanced up then and blushed. “Well, never mind your eyes, but something is wrong. I know it.”
What to say? He was not going to bring up his concerns about hurting or disappointing her. He had promised that they would be friends and all business. The fact that he was having trouble sticking to the script was his problem and not hers.
“Is it…Etienne, I know this is nosy. And it’s none of my business but…I mentioned earlier that I read about you and your life on the Internet. I’m sure this is a difficult time of the year for you. I don’t want to be insensitive. If you’d like…If you need time away, Edie and Jeff and the rest of us won’t let the place collapse while you’re gone and I can promise you that we…Etienne, you’ve made things easier for us. I wish I could make this easier for you somehow…”
Her voice faltered and Etienne realized that she was all but ripping off the button on her skirt, twisting it nervously.
Carefully he covered her hand with his own, stilling her.
“I don’t want you worrying about me,” he said.
“But…”
“Meg, my problems aren’t yours. And don’t worry. I’m used to dealing with problems. It’s what I do.”
She got that stubborn look in her eyes. “Maybe, but you’re still human. When July 18 rolls around, I’ll expect you to take the day off.”
The fact that she had the day right hit him in the solar plexus. The fact that she hadn’t backed down and was still insisting that he tend to his needs…amazed him.
“Are you giving me orders, Meg?”
She pushed her chin up. “No, I’m not. I’m just being your friend. You had a wife. You had a child on the way. You get to be human and take time out to mourn them.”
But he never really had. He reached out suddenly, took Meg’s hands and pulled her to him. “It’s not that simple, Meg. I wasn’t a good husband to Louisa. The child was a duty for her, another accomplishment to be checked off the list for me. Had I been paying any attention to her at all, we might have discovered her condition and avoided the pregnancy, but I wasn’t even thinking about her. And later, when I made that statement to my mother, I didn’t even think about the fact that I was, intentionally or not, placing some of the blame for Louisa’s and our son’s death on her. I failed my wife, my child and my family, so no, I don’t allow myself to mourn. If I didn’t do the right things while they were with me it’s too late to do them now. There’s no need to worry about me, though, Meg. Work may have been what killed my marriage, but it’s also what keeps me sane now.”
He looked up and saw that Meg’s eyes were wet. Two thick tears hung on her lashes.
“I thought that you never cried.”
“I don’t,” she said, dashing the tears away. “I’m not crying. I’m angry.”
“At what?”
“At you. Why do you expect yourself to be so…perfect, so responsible for everyone and everything? That’s wrong. People should be responsible for their own happiness, but…No, I’m not going to say any more. It’s totally wrong for me to be telling you all this when I have no idea what it’s like to live in your shoes. I never can keep my mouth shut.”
“I’ve never asked you to.”
She shook her head. “I know that. I’m trying to learn to do that myself, but I’m still a work in progress.”
He smiled sadly. “Don’t worry about me, Meg. My distance lately hasn’t been because I’m morose but because…well, you know that I desire you. I don’t want to leave here with regrets.”
“You’re still worried that you’ll hurt me? Well, I still say that my emotional state is my own problem. You can’t be responsible because I won’t allow it. Our deal was that you should teach me, not that you should wrap me up in tissue paper and put me in a box so I won’t get broken.”
“Do you feel that I’ve fallen down on the job? Have I failed to teach you something you think you need to know? You already know most of what’s necessary to keep this company running.”
“I don’t know. What more do I need to learn?”
Not much, Etienne conceded, but the fact that he’d been upsetting Meg with his attempt to protect her from himself was unacceptable. She had enough on her plate. He didn’t want her worrying about him.
“Perhaps…we need to take a stab at some dance lessons?”
Her eyes widened. “You’re kidding, right? I need to know how to dance, too?”
“You told me that you only knew how to do the polka.”
“And I don’t even do that right, if you remember correctly. I was leading you the whole time. Plus, remember all those classes I told you that I took? You’re talking about a woman who couldn’t even master the basics of how to fall gracefully.”
Etienne grinned. “I’m not going to let you fall, Meg.”
She
