Drive Me Crazy. Portia MacIntosh

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a little something I picked up while travelling Europe. Balkan vodka – there are thirteen health warnings on the bottle,’ he announces proudly. ‘I was in Serbia and there was this rugby team from Yorkshire on a stag party. One of them thought he could knock back neat shots. You should’ve seen the paramedics trying to get him onto the stretcher. You don’t drive, right? Probably don’t drive today.’

      ‘I don’t drive,’ I assure him. ‘Do you?’

      ‘Yes, but not today, babe.’ He laughs. ‘Maybe not tomorrow if you come back to mine after work and have a drink with me.’

      We are interrupted by a loud, exaggerated cough. For a moment, Will just hovers near our table, staring at us, before walking over to grab a glass of orange juice and taking his position in the centre of the room to make a speech.

      ‘Think the boss thinks we’re up to no good,’ the new guy whispers to me, giving me a pally nudge that Will definitely notices. As he gives his speech, he can’t take his eyes off us.

      ‘We’re a family here at Starr Haul, and it’s always sad to say goodbye to a much-loved member of the team. But I, for one, am proud of Charlie for leaving to open her own café,’ Will says, trying to direct his words at Charlie, but his eyes keep darting back to me and the new guy. ‘If Charlie ever needs any support, I’m sure you’ll all join me in extending a hand.’

      ‘I know what she needs supporting,’ new guy jokes to me, as he raises his hand.

      ‘Put your hand down,’ I snap.

      ‘But if you raise your hand for the easy ones, you don’t get asked the hard questions,’ he reasons. He’s clearly underestimated the strength of his vodka. I’m definitely feeling tipsy, and new guy is definitely acting it.

      I reach up and take his hand, slowly bringing it back down to the table. Will, who seems to have one eye constantly on us, notices this too.

      ‘Charlie truly was, er, the bread and butter of the…the canteen,’ Will babbles, the distraction clearly ruining his perfectly planned speech. ‘Basically, we’ll miss you,’ he adds, clumsily, wrapping things up. ‘To Charlie.’

      We all raise our glasses.

      ‘So, drink, after work?’ new guy starts again once we all go back to chatting amongst ourselves.

      ‘I’m just…I’m not really interested,’ I tell him, unsure how best to get out of this one, but panicking as I spot Will approaching us. If I tell him I have a boyfriend he might start asking me questions – questions that I won’t be able to answer.

      ‘You’re clearly interested in drinking – you just made short work of eighty-eight per cent vodka.’ He laughs, and I widen my eyes at the alcohol content. No wonder I’m feeling it.

      ‘I’m not actually much of a drinker,’ I tell him.

      ‘So we’ll drink tea and play video games. Your nerd knowledge clearly needs a bit of expanding.’

      With Will nearly at our table, I need to do something to defuse the situation.

      ‘Is it so hard to believe not every single girl finds you attractive?’ I ask harshly.

      ‘Shit, Candy…’ new guy laughs ‘…it’s an invitation to play few games of Battlefield not a blow job.’

      And, of course, this is the part of the conversation that Will catches. He stares at us, like maybe he’s expecting an explanation but neither of us offer one up.

      ‘Well, this is about as awkward as a Tinder date.’ New guy laughs again.

      ‘Sorry to drag you away from the party, Candice, but I’ve got something urgent I need you to take care of.’

      The new guy raises his eyebrows but takes the hint. He scribbles something down on a piece of paper and hands me it.

      ‘If you change your mind,’ he says before wandering off.

      Will stares at me for a second, so I theatrically screw the new guy’s number into a ball, making it clear I have no intention of using it. Will gestures with a nod of his head for me to follow him, before we make our way to his office in silence.

      Caroline is sitting by her desk, manning the phone.

      ‘You get off to the party,’ Will tells her. ‘Candice will answer the phone for a while.’

      ‘Thank you, Mr Starr,’ she says with a smile, before subtly narrowing her eyes at me.

      As soon as she has gone we step inside Will’s office. He closes the door behind him, unbuttons his suit jacket and takes a seat behind his desk. I hover in front of him like a naughty child hauled before the head teacher.

      ‘You know how difficult it was to organise this trip, don’t you?’ Will asks. ‘Squaring it with all the appropriate people, booking hotels, getting the car ready for the journey, making it seem like it was absolutely vital that someone stop by each branch of the firm to make sure that everyone was happy this week, and that that person be me specifically?’

      ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,’ I reply, giving him an answer to each of his questions. I am never usually so cheeky with Will, and my behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed. That’ll be the vodka.

      ‘So you know that I am doing all of this because I don’t want to lose you.’

      I nod my head.

      ‘So why do I feel like I need to worry about you and the new lad in IT?’ he asks. ‘You’re always together, laughing and joking – having inappropriate conversations.’

      ‘That’s all him. And no, I don’t want you to fire him,’ I say before Will has a chance to suggest it. ‘He’s just being friendly.’

      ‘Candice, take it from a man – he is interested in you. All you would need to do is say the word and he’d be all over you. Do you know how that makes me feel?’

      ‘But I’m only interested in you,’ I tell him as I walk around his desk and take a seat on his lap. ‘We were just having a chat and a drink at the party, that’s all.’

      I lean forward and give Will a reassuring kiss while we have a moment alone together. It’s a slow, sexy kiss. The kind that would usually lead to other things, except…

      ‘You’ve been drinking,’ Will says accusingly. ‘The two of you have been getting drunk at work. I could fire you both for this.’

      ‘It was one tiny, little drink,’ I tell him, suddenly aware of how tipsy I sound, but equally aware of the fact that, the harder I try to disguise it, the more tipsy I seem. ‘To toast Carly leaving.’

      ‘You mean Charlie?’ he asks angrily.

      Isn’t that what I said?

      I place my hands on either side of Will’s face and look him in the eye.

      ‘Look, it was daft. I’m sorry. But nothing is going on between the new guy and me – I don’t even want to be his friend. You

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