Jacob, standing at the back of the chapel, near the door, tall and stern, with his shoulders back.
His face was partly in shadow but there was no mistaking his chiselled features. All trace of the smooth-skinned boy had vanished, but his strong brows and nose, the handsome cleft in his chin, were still, after twenty years, painfully familiar.
He was wearing a dark suit but, despite the city clothes, the Outback clung to him like a second skin. It was there in the tan on his skin, in the hard-packed leanness of his body, in the creases at his eyes, in the way he stood, poised for action.
And there was a roughness about him now that was unsettling. Devastating.
Nell could still remember with perfect clarity the first time she’d seen him in her father’s stables, remembered the shock of attraction that had startled her, enslaved her. She remembered, too, the awful morning on the river bank, the last time she had seen him.
Apart from the occasional photo in cattlemen’s magazines—and yes, she’d scanned them regularly, hungry for any news of Jacob Tucker—she knew next to nothing about his life. He’d become a very successful grazier, but there had been no contact between them in twenty years so his private life was a blank.
‘I’ve already spoken to Mr Tucker,’ Jean said.
On cue, from the back of the chapel, Jacob offered Nell an unsmiling, almost imperceptible dip of his head.
Her heart pounded. Now she could see the expression in his eyes, the way he looked at her with a mixture of pain and contempt.
She tightened her grip on the back of the pew. With another despairing glance at Jacob, she turned back to Jean. ‘I’m sorry. What were you saying?’
‘I thought Mr Tucker might like to meet Sam. And I wanted to talk to you both, if possible. I have a problem, you see.’
A stranger, a woman in a green felt hat, bustled into the chapel. ‘Oh, there you are, Jean. Sorry, we thought we’d lost you.’
‘I won’t be long,’ Jean told her, then she turned quickly back to Nell. ‘I can’t talk for very long now. I’ve got to take Bill home and collect the baby from the sitter. But there’s something I need to discuss with you. And Mr Tucker.’
‘I—I see.’
Jean blew her nose and darted another glance in Jacob’s direction. And now, as if he’d been waiting for some kind of signal, he began to walk towards them.
Nell’s breathing faltered. She’d forgotten how big he was, how broad-shouldered and tall, and as his long strides closed the gap between them, she had to look up to see his face. She saw signs of strain in the bleakness of his eyes and in the vertical lines at either side of his grim mouth.
‘Hello, Nell.’
‘Jacob,’ she managed, but her mouth began to tremble. She was exhausted and dazed and seeing his stern face was almost too much.
He said, ‘Mrs Browne has kindly invited me to meet our grandson.’
Our grandson.
Nell wasn’t sure which word shocked her more. Our suggested that the two of them were still united in some way. Grandson hinted at an intimate connection over many, many years, but they were strangers. And not yet forty.
‘Maybe this is the wrong time,’ Jean said, eyeing them both and sensing their tension. ‘I—I have to go. But I couldn’t let you both take off without speaking to you.’
‘I’m so glad you did,’ Nell said, clasping the woman’s hand. ‘And I’d adore seeing Sam again. That’s very kind. We—’ She swallowed to ease her choked throat.
‘Perhaps you’d rather come separately?’ Jean suggested, darting a glance of sharp-eyed curiosity from one to the other.
Nell felt her cheeks grow hot.
‘I think we should come together.’ Jacob spoke directly to Jean, as if Nell wasn’t there. ‘You won’t want too many interruptions.’
‘It would certainly be easier if I could discuss my problem with both of you.’
What was this problem that needed discussing? Nell wished Jean wasn’t so evasive, but it certainly wasn’t the time to challenge her.
‘Would tomorrow morning suit?’ Jean asked. ‘Will you still be in Melbourne, Mr Tucker?’
‘Yes, I’m staying for a few days.’
‘At around eleven?’
‘Eleven suits me fine.’
‘And me,’ Nell agreed.
Jean shoved her damp handkerchief into her handbag and snapped it shut as if, somehow, the gesture ended the matter. ‘I’ll see you then.’
With that she turned and scuttled out of the chapel, clearly relieved to leave Nell and Jacob alone.
Jacob stood at the end of Nell’s pew, blocking her exit. She took two steps towards him, as if she expected him to be a gentleman and make way for her, but she was out of luck today. He’d been to hell and back in this chapel, saying farewell to a daughter he had never known, had never held, hadn’t so much as touched.
No one here could have guessed or understood how he had loved and missed Tegan, without ever knowing her.
And this woman, whom he’d loved and lost in one short summer, had given their daughter away. So why was she here now, pretending she cared?
‘I didn’t expect you to be here,’ he said between tight lips.
Nell shook her head and she was so close to him, he could smell her perfume, elusive and sweet and unbearably intimate.
‘Why wouldn’t I come?’ Her voice was so choked he could only just catch the words. ‘This is our daughter’s funeral, Jacob.’
‘But you gave Tegan away.’
‘No.’
No?
How could she lie? Jacob wanted to confront her, to demand that she retract her lie, but, heaven help him, she looked so vulnerable and tired. Too pale.
Growing paler…
To his dismay, Nell swayed on her feet and sank down on to the pew, closed her eyes and hunched over, pressing her fingers to her temples. He stared at the top of her golden head and at the play of jewelled lights from a stained glass window throwing red and blue patterns over her.
Her hair was incredibly shiny and so much neater than he remembered. As a girl it had flowed in rumpled waves loose to her shoulders. He reached out a hand, but he didn’t touch her. ‘Are you OK?’
With her eyes closed, she nodded her head. ‘Just tired and sad.’
A moment later, her eyes opened and she turned her head slowly, carefully, almost as if her neck were stiff, and looked up
