Elizabeth Lapp couldn’t distinguish anything out of the ordinary in the shrouded stillness of the empty Amish landscape. She lifted her kerosene lamp closer to the windowpane, pressing her face against the cool glass, and stared harder. Still nothing but dark winter shadows sheltered by even darker ones stretching across the Lancaster farm.
He was out there.
She knew it.
If not today, tomorrow or the next day, but he’d be there. Every instinct told her he would come. She’d seen him standing over Hannah’s dead body—and he’d seen her.
He’d come. If only to silence her...
Dear Lord, please keep me safe. Bless me with inner peace and wisdom as I face the days ahead. And thank You, Lord, for leading me home.
The first glow of morning sun would not touch the horizon for a few more hours. Elizabeth chastised herself. There was work to do, more than enough to occupy her mind, and she needed to get to it. Chores came early on an Amish farm, even in winters in Lancaster County, when the fields lay dormant under drifts of waist-high snow.
A finger of light from the quarter moon was the only thing illuminating the distance between the house and the barn. She studied the shadows. She dared one of them to move and prayed in the same moment that none would.
Where was he? How much longer would she be tortured with the wait?
She raised her face from the glass.
Enough. You’re going to make yourself sick. Where is your faith?
“What do you look for, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth startled at the sound of her mother’s voice. Her left hand flew to her chest. She swallowed a small gasp and spun around.
“You frightened me, Mamm. I didn’t hear you coming.”
“Don’t be foolish. I come down these stairs the same time each morning to fix breakfast and begin the day.” Mary Lapp came close, smoothed a strand of hair beneath her daughter’s white prayer kapp and smiled. “Why do you stare out that window? Tell me, child, what do you hope to find out there in the darkness?”
It was what she didn’t want to find that frightened her so.
She returned her mother’s smile. “I’m not hoping to find anything, Mamm. I guess I’m having trouble adjusting to how dark it is here. There’s always light in the city. No matter what time it is. The city never seems to sleep.”
A shadow flitted across her mother’s face. “Do you miss it already? Are you sorry you came home?”
“I’m just sorry I stayed away so long.” Elizabeth had only arrived home yesterday afternoon, but she knew she had made the right decision to return. She placed her lamp on the table near the front door and a soft light enveloped the room.
Seven years had added a few strands of gray to her mother’s hair. The small lines etched at the edges of her mouth had deepened, and now there were crow’s feet at the edges of her eyes, but her mother would always be young and beautiful in her eyes.
“I don’t miss the city, Mamm, and I’m glad to be home.”
Her mother gave her a warm hug. “I’m glad you’re home, too.”
Sadness wiped the smile from Elizabeth’s face. “I regret I wasn’t here when Daed died. I never got the chance to say goodbye.”
Her father had died two years ago of pneumonia. Her mother’s eyes still carried her grief. Elizabeth hadn’t learned he was sick until it was too late.
“I am sorry, too, little one. Your daed would have been pleased to have you home again. Maybe the Lord has told him you are here now. If he does know, I am certain your daed is thanking Gott every day.” Mary playfully pinched her daughter’s chin. “Kumm. Help me with breakfast.”
Elizabeth followed her mother into the kitchen and lit two more lamps, as well as the gas fixture over the table. She stared at the long wooden table and smoothed her hand against the grain. Her father had made this table as a wedding gift for her mother over thirty years ago and it still looked brand-new. A pang of loss filled her heart. She wished she could have seen him one more time before he died.
“I don’t remember your head always being lost in the clouds. Is that something you learned to do in that fancy city of yours?”
Elizabeth returned her mother’s smile. “Sorry, Mamm. Just thinking about Daed. Wishing I had been here...”
“No good comes from looking behind you. We can’t change the past.” Her mother turned from the stove. “He never stopped loving you. Never.” Her mother smiled. “And he knew you never stopped loving him. He understood your decision to leave even if he didn’t agree with your choice.”
Tears filled Elizabeth’s eyes.
Silence stretched between them.
She remembered the last day she had seen her father. It had been an early winter morning like today and they’d been talking in the barn. She remembered his look of disappointment, the pain and loss already reflected in his eyes, and the warmth and love of his final embrace moments before she left.
“Elizabeth, please, get that head of yours out of the sky. We have chores to do.”
Elizabeth nodded, gathered plates, silverware and mugs and set the table.
The delectable aroma of bacon and freshly brewing coffee teased her nostrils. Her stomach growled. Because her stomach had been too twisted in knots with dread and fear, she hadn’t eaten much at dinner last night. But this morning she was hungry and nothing was going
