and bored. Are we going to stop along the way?’
‘Well, I was going to try and make the entire journey without stopping, so that we had longer to spend with my parents today, but if we do stop, the plan was to be at least half of the way there by then.’
I pull an unimpressed face, tapping my nails impatiently on the dashboard. Ergh, this journey is going to be so long. And what is Mark even listening to? He’s got Radio 4 on; it’s so boring.
I lean over and change the station to Radio 1, but the latest X Factor winner’s single isn’t doing much to lift my mood either.
‘Hey, I was listening to the weather forecast,’ Mark informs me.
‘They’re only talking about how cold it’s going to be – it’s depressing.’
‘Come on, what’s up? Are you still anxious?’
‘I’m very anxious,’ I reply honestly. ‘I’m just so freaked out by all of this.’
‘Maybe it will help if I tell you more about my family. I know I’ve told you bits and pieces before, but I’ll give you a recap. How does that sound?’
‘That would be good, thank you,’ I reply.
‘So we’ve got my mum and dad, Valerie and Oscar, and my two sisters, Millie and Mel.’
‘Millie, Mark and Mel,’ I giggle.
‘Erm, Mildred, Marcus and Melody,’ he corrects me with a laugh. ‘And you thought Roxie was bad.’
‘Will anyone else be there?’
‘Yeah, Millie’s husband, Alex, and Mel’s boyfriend, Ste. Alex is cool – a bit boring, but you don’t worry about the sister that marries a boring doctor, you worry about the one who winds up with twat after twat… which brings me on to Ste.’
‘You don’t like him, do you?’
‘I don’t. I’ve only met him once, but he was too confident, too familiar… He and my sister don’t seem to have all that much in common, but she’s the baby of the family, typical youngest child. She can’t stand to be single; she’d rather have the wrong person than no person at all. The opposite of me, really.’
Mark and I have never really spoken too much about our love lives before we met – well, what’s the point? I know he had a serious girlfriend in Yorkshire, before he moved to London, and he always tells me that before he met me he was way too busy for any kind of a love life. When he used to tell me this when we first got together, I didn’t believe him. I’ve seen how women throw themselves at him. But as I’ve got to know him better and fallen in love with him, I’ve realised that he takes things seriously when they are important to him. I can imagine him putting his job first, and he’s so loyal that, when he says he isn’t into one-night stands, I believe him. Who is into one-night stands, anyway? They’re horrible.
‘I’m the only member of the family to have left the county – the village, actually. Everyone else still lives there and no one has any desire to move. You know how we love city living? The fact that the city never sleeps, the bright twinkling lights, Deliveroo?’ he laughs. ‘My parents would hate it. They like peace and quiet, early nights and good home cooking made with locally sourced ingredients.’
‘I see,’ I reply.
Each to their own, but I couldn’t imagine living outside the city centre.
‘Would you ever want to move back there?’ I ask him curiously.
‘Nope,’ he replies quickly and firmly. ‘My mum would love me to – she talks about it all the time – but I’d miss the city. I couldn’t do my job from the village, and I’ve got a thing for foul-mouthed southerners.’
‘I’d better fucking be your favourite,’ I reply jokily.
‘My one and only,’ he laughs. ‘Feeling any less worried now?’
‘No, I’m still terrified,’ I reply honestly.
‘So, plan B is to just distract you, until we get to a service station and I can get you something to eat, thus fixing “bored” and “hungry” – how does that sound?’
I feel my body melt into my chair a little.
‘That sounds great,’ I tell him.
‘OK, so what’s a good distraction?’ Mark wonders out loud.
I clap my hands excitedly.
‘We should play “Would You Rather”.’
‘Really?’ Mark laughs. ‘That’s what the lady wants? OK, sure. You go first.’
‘OK.’ I think for a second. ‘Would you rather… give up football or video games?’
‘Ouch!’ Mark jokes. ‘Going in for the kill straight away. Let me think about it for a second…’
Mark does indeed think this one over for a while. I don’t think I could’ve asked him a more difficult question.
‘Right, I’d have to give up video games,’ he concludes. ‘Because I love football, and I love going to games with my family, and you just never know what’s going to happen. With video games, I know I’ll always dominate.’
‘Nice,’ I reply.
‘OK, my turn,’ Mark starts excitedly, like he’s got a good one for me. ‘Would you rather give up having sex or wearing make-up?’
‘Ah, well, that’s a catch-22 situation right there, because if I gave up wearing make-up, no one would want to have sex with me…’
‘You know I’d rather you went without it,’ he reminds me.
‘Sex or make-up?’ I joke, raising my eyebrows, but I know what he means. ‘OK, well, with that in mind, I’m going to have to say I’d give up make-up – because at least you’ll still have sex with me.’
‘Ah, the winner by default,’ he laughs. ‘Next question?’
‘Would you rather… have a Disney Princess-themed wedding, or only be allowed to drive hot-pink-coloured cars for the rest of your life?’
For five seconds Mark doesn’t say anything, until…
‘Disney Princess wedding,’ he says sheepishly.
I laugh wildly.
‘Buddy, did you pause for just long enough to make it seem like you’re not totally into this Disney Princess thing, when in fact you’re mad for it?’ I tease.
‘OK, OK, if we’re on to the big, life-changing questions – would you rather live in a house decorated by a Star Wars fanatic, or name your first baby Yoda?’
My heart skips a beat. He’s never mentioned wanting kids before.
‘Erm,’
