the reason she was planning that walk in the park after work today?
No. If he’d known it had anything to do with the children and families of both donors and recipients of transplanted organs, he would have run a mile.
They really needed to talk if they were going to be able to work together and he didn’t need to know the real reason she was there, did he? It was summer and the evenings were long. She could always stay later than him and sit on the top of the hill with the plan in her hands and make any notes she needed for changes.
It was important that they spent this time together. Before things got any more difficult between them.
And she was looking forward to it. Kind of. In a purely professional sense, of course. She’d feel better when she’d had the chance to apologise for that verbal attack. Thomas hadn’t deserved that. She knew he was doing his best in the only way he knew how. That he had probably been doing that all along. It was just so sad that he couldn’t see that he’d chosen such a wrong path.
That he, above everybody else, was suffering more because of it.
In retrospect, however, there was another reason why inviting Thomas to share this walk might have been a bad idea. It hadn’t occurred to her at the time that a walk up Primrose Hill was an echo of their very first date.
Maybe he wouldn’t remember. It wouldn’t matter if he did. Just breathing the same air as Thomas was an echo of so very many things and, somehow, they had to find a way to deal with that.
THE WARMTH OF the summer’s evening did not seem to be doing much to thaw the chill that surrounded Thomas and Rebecca like an air-conditioned bubble.
The virtual silence for the brisk walk to Regent’s Park had been largely disguised by the sounds of the busy city streets but it became increasingly obvious as they followed a path into the vast stretch of green space.
‘Thanks for agreeing to come,’ Rebecca offered, finally.
‘As you said, we need to find a way we can work together. Without letting our personal baggage interfere in any way with patient care.’
It sounded as though Thomas had rehearsed that little speech. Maybe it had been something he’d said to himself more than once today. Because he’d been arguing with himself about whether or not he could bear to spend any time with her?
Rebecca took a deep breath and did her best not to let it out as a sigh. He was here, walking beside her, so that was a good start. Maybe it was too soon to open the can of worms that was their ‘personal baggage.’ If Thomas could actually relax a fraction, it could make this a whole lot easier. And who wouldn’t relax on a walk like this?
The boat lake beside them was a popular place to be on such a warm, sunny evening. It was crowded with boats—classic wooden rowing boats and the bright blue and yellow paddle boats. The grassy banks were dotted with the rugs and folding chairs of groups of families and friends who were preparing for a picnic meal. There were dogs chasing balls and children playing games on the shore of the lake.
And there were ducks.
Of course there were ducks. How many times had she and Thomas come here with Gwen on those precious days when she wasn’t with her caregiver or at nursery school? They’d started bringing her here to feed the ducks way before she was old enough to walk or throw a crust of bread.
Not that she was about to remind Thomas of those times. Or admit that she still automatically put crusts of bread into a bag in the freezer until it was so full it would remind her that she never had the time or motivation to feed ducks any more. No one seeing them would ever guess at the kind of shared history they had. They would see the tall man with his briefcase in his hand and his companion with the strap of her laptop case over her shoulder and assume that they were work colleagues who happened to be sharing a walk home at the end of their day.
Exactly the space they were in, thanks to the boundaries that had been put firmly in place from the moment Thomas had set foot in Paddington’s again.
Except that Thomas was smiling. Almost. He had his hand up to shield his eyes as he took in the scene of the boating activity on the lake and his lips were definitely not in a straight line.
His breath came out in an audible huff that could have been suppressed laughter.
‘Nobody’s swimming today,’ he murmured.
It wasn’t a lake that anybody swam in. Unless they were unfortunate enough to fall out of a boat, of course.
Like she had that day...
Good grief. She had deliberately avoided opening that can of worms labelled ‘shared memories’ but Thomas hadn’t even hesitated.
Okay, it was funny in retrospect but it hadn’t been at the time. Thomas had been inspired by the romantic image of a date that involved rowing his girlfriend around a pretty lake and Rebecca had been dressed for the occasion in a floaty summer dress and a wide-brimmed straw sunhat.
It had been a gloriously sunny day but there’d been a decent breeze. Enough to catch her hat and send it sailing away to float on the water. Thomas had done his best to row close enough for her to lean out of the boat and retrieve the hat but he hadn’t been quite close enough. And she’d leaned just a little too far.
The water had been shallow enough to stand up in but she’d been completely soaked and the filmy dress had been clinging to her body and transparent enough to make her underwear obvious. The shock of the dunking had given way to helpless laughter and then to something very different when she’d seen the look in Thomas’s eyes. Getting out of those wet clothes and into a hot bath hadn’t been the real reason they couldn’t get home fast enough.
And now, with Thomas pulling that memory out to share, Rebecca had the sensation that shutters had been lifted. There was a glint in his eyes that made her feel as if she’d stepped back in time.
As if everything they’d had together was still there—just waiting to have life breathed into it again.
It was the last thing Rebecca had expected to feel. It was too much. It wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t want to go anywhere near that kind of space in her head or her heart and that made it...what...terrifying?
She had to break that eye contact. To push that memory back where it belonged—firmly in the past.
‘Nobody sensible would,’ she heard herself saying. ‘But we all make mistakes, don’t we?’
She hadn’t looked away fast enough to miss the way that glint in his eyes got extinguished and her words hung in the air as they walked on, taking on a whole new meaning. That the mistake that had been made encompassed their whole relationship?
The soft evening air began to feel increasingly thick with the growing tension. This was her fault, Rebecca realised. She’d had the opportunity to break the ice and make things far more comfortable between them and she’d ruined it because she’d backed off so decisively. Maybe it was up to her to find another way to defuse the tension. At least she was no stranger to tackling difficult subjects with her patients and their families.
She had learned
