and wrap your legs round my waist.’
She shivered, and he knew she wanted it, too.
‘But as having sex in public could get us arrested, I’ll go for option two.’
‘Which is?’
‘To drive home as fast as possible without getting a speeding fine. And then I’m going to take all your clothes off. And then …’ He gave her a wicked grin. ‘Then I’m going to make you beg.’
She scoffed. ‘In your dreams, big boy.’
He kissed her again. ‘No, honey. In ours.’
THE next week simply flew by. Isobel was really busy at work; so she had to admit that no way would she have had the time to organise the wedding herself, or even help Alex much.
But by Friday night she knew she had to talk to him. Before she went shopping for a wedding dress. Before things went too far. Because once he knew the truth, he might change his mind about getting married.
As she walked up the steps to her flat, her feet felt like lead. This was a conversation she really didn’t want to have. But if she didn’t speak up now and things went pear-shaped in the future, Alex would never forgive her for lying to him.
One of the reasons he’d reacted so badly to Dorinda’s betrayal was that she’d lied and cheated.
Right now, she was no better. She could be cheating him out of a future.
And hadn’t Alex himself said that their marriage would work because they’d never lie to each other?
When she reached the front door, she dragged in a breath. Nerved herself. And walked indoors to face Alex.
‘Hi.’ He looked up from his laptop and smiled at her. ‘How was your day?’
‘Fine.’ Lord, how she wanted to back out of this right now. To pretend that nothing was wrong. But she couldn’t do that to him. ‘Alex, we need to talk. I need to tell you something.’ Forestalling his interruption, she held up a hand. ‘There’s no easy way to say it, so I’m going to just come out with it. And I don’t want you saying a word until I’ve finished, OK?’
He frowned, but nodded. ‘Hit me with it.’
‘It’s why Gary and I split up. And I’ll understand if you want to walk away now.’ She closed her eyes, unable to bear looking at him and seeing the pity in his face. ‘We … we tried to start a family. Except I lost the baby. Both times. And…’ she gulped ‘… you said you maybe wanted a family. I might not be able to give you that.’
He was silent.
Just as she’d expected.
And now he was going to walk away. Just as Gary had.
She dragged in a breath, still with her eyes closed—and the next thing she knew, she was in Alex’s arms and he was holding her really, really tightly.
‘Alex? What …’
‘I agreed not to say a word until you’d finished,’ he reminded her.
‘I—I’ve f-finished now.’ To her horror, her voice was actually wobbly.
‘Oh, Bel. I had no idea you’d been through something like this. I’m so sorry.’
Sorry, because he didn’t want to marry her any more?
But then why were his arms still round her? Why was he still holding her close to him, as if she were the most precious thing in the world? This was Alex—the man who didn’t even believe in love.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly, ‘that you had to go through something so heartbreaking. I just assumed that he wanted kids and you didn’t, because you’ve always been so dedicated to your job.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I wanted a baby. I wanted a baby so much, Alex. And when Gary and I couldn’t …’ She closed her eyes again. ‘When he left me, I thought I’d never have another chance to have a child of my own. I’ve tried so hard to suppress it—so hard to make my job, my life, be enough for me. And it’s got worse since Saskia had Flora. Every time I hold my god-daughter …’ The wave of longing was so strong, she could hardly breathe. ‘I never thought I’d be the broody type, but it doesn’t seem I have a choice in the matter. It’s her weight, the perfect size to cradle in my arms, her warmth, that new baby smell. Everything.’
‘So what happened? Did the doctors say why you miscarried?’
‘Just that it’s really common before twelve weeks. It happens to lots and lots of women.’
‘Did they do any tests?’
The question hurt, but his voice was so gentle. No judgement. No blame. ‘They don’t even consider looking into the causes until you’ve had at least three miscarriages.’ And that was the worst part. She tried to swallow the tears. ‘Gary didn’t want to take the chance of losing a third baby. And I guess I was a becoming a bit difficult to live with.’
‘What?’ Alex shook his head, as if trying to clear it. ‘Are you telling me he walked out on you, and said it was your fault?’
‘I …’ She let her head rest against his shoulder. ‘Yes,’ she admitted brokenly.
‘Right at this moment, I’d like to break every bone on his body, then peg him out in the desert in Turkey, smear him in honey and leave him to the ants.’
Isobel pulled back and stared at Alex in shock. She’d never, ever heard him sound angry like this before. Coldly, viciously angry.
‘But that’s not going to change the past—or the fact he hurt you. That he let you down when you needed him.’ Still keeping one arm wrapped round her, he stroked her cheek. ‘Here’s what we’re going to do. You want a baby.’
She dragged in a breath. ‘Yes.’
‘You helped me get what I want, Bel, so I’m going to do the same for you. After we get married, we’re going to try for a baby.’
‘But what if …’ She couldn’t bring herself to ask the rest of the question.
But he seemed to guess what she couldn’t say. ‘We’ll see how things go. And if it doesn’t work out, we’ll talk to the doctors. Get tests. Find out what the problem is and see what our options are.’
She swallowed hard. ‘I’m the problem.’
‘And how do you work that out?’
‘Gary has a baby now. So it can’t be him, can it?’
Alex smoothed the hair off her face. ‘I’m not a medic and I don’t know anywhere near enough about miscarriages to give an informed opinion. But things are never that clear-cut, Bel. Don’t blame yourself.’
She
