if suddenly hearing himself, Jamie stopped right in the middle of his narrative, embarrassed. “Hell, I’m sorry.”
“About what?” Dan asked, confused.
“Well, I’m doing all the talking here.”
Dan shook his head. “That’s okay. I think it’s great. I haven’t heard your voice in so long,” he told Jamie. “Just keep talking.”
But Jamie was not about to get sidetracked again. He had questions for his older brother.
“No, first tell me what made you suddenly turn up on my doorstep now, after twelve long years.” Fresh fears suddenly surfaced in his mind. “Did something happen?” he wanted to know. “Has something suddenly changed? You’re not dying, are you?” he asked, alarmed.
“No, I’m not dying,” Dan assured his brother. “What happened was that I was in my cabin—”
Jamie cut in, surprised. “You have a cabin?”
“Yes,” Dan answered. He didn’t want to get into all that right now. That was for later. “Long story,” he said, waving it away.
Jamie was starved for any and all information concerning Dan, not to mention the rest of his family, except for his sister Bella, who was still in Rust Creek Falls, and other sister Dana, who had recently been found.
“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” Jamie told him.
Dan wanted to tell him about this part first, because it was what led to his coming back to Rust Creek Falls and to his seeking out Jamie. “I’ll tell you about that once I finish answering your first question.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jamie said, then coaxed, “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
“All right, then.” Taking a breath, Dan began again. “I’d just put in an extra-hard day. Walking into my cabin, I turned on the TV for some company—”
“So you live alone?”
Alone.
Each time Dan heard it, the word burned more and more of a hole in his gut. “Yeah, I do.”
“You never married?” Jamie asked.
Dan shook his head. “Nope.”
How could he marry? His heart was not his to give to anyone. It was already spoken for—even if the woman who it belonged to had no use for it.
When he hesitated, Jamie apologized.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to pry,” he told Dan. “Go on. You walked in, turned on the TV for company and then what?”
When he heard Jamie summarize the events he’d just told him, the words had this incredibly lonely ring to them. He knew he’d felt the same thing time and again, but he’d talked himself into living with it. He’d made himself believe that his life wasn’t as soul-draining as it really was. But now he knew the truth. That he was exceedingly lonely—and that he had made the right decision in coming home.
At least for now.
“And then I heard this voice,” Dan said, continuing with his narrative, “this voice that was filled with pride and love, talking about his triplets.”
“Wait,” Jamie said, stopping his brother. “You heard me on TV? You caught that program that Travis Dalton taped in town? You actually saw The Great Roundup?”
Dan smiled at the eager disbelief he heard in his brother’s voice. “I did.”
“But that segment was on more than a month ago.”
Dan merely nodded and said, “I know.”
“You’ve been here in Rust Creek Falls all this time?”
“No, I just got here,” Dan corrected. He wanted his brother to understand that it had been his cold feet that had kept him from coming. “You’re my first stop. Possibly my only stop because I don’t know where everyone else is, or even if they’re still in Montana.”
But Jamie was still having a hard time making sense out of what he was hearing. The brother he remembered, the one he had idolized, had never been someone to drag his feet.
“I don’t understand. If the show was on over a month ago, what took you so long to get here?”
Dan wasn’t about to lie or make up excuses. “It took me a month to get up the nerve to come and see you. I wasn’t sure if you’d even let me come in your front door, or if you’d take one look at me, slam the door in my face and tell me to go to hell.”
Jamie stared at him, an incredulous smile widening on his lips.
“You were afraid I’d reject you?” he asked.
Dan nodded. “Something like that.”
The idea was so outlandish it almost made Jamie laugh out loud. “You were afraid of your little brother?” he asked, unable to believe that Danny could be afraid of anyone, least of all him.
Dan made no attempt at excuses, or to brazen the situation out. He was long past that sort of thing as far as he was concerned.
“Yes,” Dan admitted, “I was. Because, as far as you were concerned, Luke, Bailey and I had run out on you and the girls. Left you at the mercy of a couple of cranky grandparents, neither of whom was ever going to be up for grandparent of the year. Left you and never tried to get in contact with you,” Dan concluded with a sigh.
For a moment, the stark, honest answer left Jamie speechless. And then he said, “Well, at least you’re not trying to sugarcoat any of it, I’ll give you that.”
“I can’t sugarcoat it,” Dan admitted. “I want you to know that I wanted to see you and the girls, wanted to get in contact with you.” He put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, anchoring him with the sincere look in his eyes. “Not a day went by in those years when I didn’t think about you.”
Jamie believed him. But he still had questions. “So if you felt that way, why didn’t you get in contact with any of us?”
“I didn’t want to disrupt your lives any more than they’d already been disrupted,” Dan told him with sincerity.
“You wouldn’t have disrupted them, you idiot,” Jamie cried. “You would have only made them better.”
Dan sighed again. “Yeah, well...” His voice trailed off. At the time, he’d been convinced he was doing the right thing.
And then, of course, there had been the guilt. That had all but paralyzed him. It had definitely kept him from returning.
Jamie took pity on him. “Water under the bridge,” he told Dan. “Just water under the bridge. What really matters is that you’re here now,” he said, sounding genuinely happy. “Makes my suffering through the taping of that program worth all the agony,” he added with a warm laugh. “Oh damn, where are my manners? Can I offer you something to eat or drink?”
