Didn’t catch up with my brothers until the last few years. Sometimes it feels like my first nine years were just a dream.” He paused a half beat and shook his head. “I pretended I belonged, but I never did. I don’t even have pictures of my family,” he muttered, then looked at her. “Your parents probably commissioned oil paintings of you and Tabitha every year of your life.”
“There were a lot of photos,” she admitted.
“None of this matters. What matters is Joel is my son and I’m going to take care of him. Good night,” he said and knew he had to get out. The walls of his house felt as if they were closing in around him. Or maybe it was his own bones and ribs squeezing his guts into a knot.
He grabbed the keys to his car and stopped suddenly. He couldn’t just pick up and go anymore. He had to think of Joel. He turned to Nicole. “I need to go for a drive,” he said. “I’ll make sure the housekeeper keeps an ear out for Joel. I’ll have my cell. Call me if you need me.”
She nodded. “I think I gave you the wrong impression,” she began.
“Not likely,” he said, hearing the edge of cynicism in his own voice. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
Sliding into his vintage Corvette, Rafe put the top down and headed for the pier. The wind blew over his face, assuaging just a tinge of his restlessness. Nicole’s lack of trust in him drove him to a level of frustration he hadn’t experienced in years, if ever.
He knew she wanted him, but she kept pulling back. She got under his skin even more than Tabitha had. He shook his head at the thought. No, he’d allowed himself to fall ass over teakettle for Tabitha. Rafe had more self-control these days. Lust was just another word for love.
It shouldn’t bother him that she shared the same attitude about his lack of so-called class that Tabitha had, but it did.
A bitter taste filled his mouth. He could have dismissed any other woman, but this was Joel’s mother. Whether he liked it or not, he would have to bring her around to his way of thinking.
Nicole had never felt so conflicted in her life. Although she knew she was completely justified in making sure that Rafe would be a good parent to Joel, she hated the idea of causing Rafe pain. Given his history with her sister, her feelings were pure insanity.
Why did she care about hurting him? Was it because Rafe was Joel’s father? Nicole suspected it was more than that. Something about Rafe made her feel longings she’d dismissed. She should forget those same longings now.
Five days later, a social-services specialist called the house to schedule a visit. Nicole reluctantly called Rafe.
“What does she want?” he asked.
“She wants to observe Joel and you to see how he is adjusting,” Nicole said, pacing as she talked to him. The two of them had barely exchanged a word since he’d taken off that night after her confrontation.
“What did you tell her?” he demanded.
“I told her that you and Joel had a wonderful time on your yacht,” she said. “But you haven’t given me any new material since then.”
“You told her that?” he said, fury in his voice.
Nicole shook her head in exasperation. “Just the first part. But it would have been the truth. You don’t seem to grasp the concept that fathering is an everyday commitment, not just an every-now-and-then exercise.”
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