‘I know that,’ Ruby replied. ‘But it’s not just any pee, it’s pregnant-lady pee.’
‘What?’ Frosting squirted across the counter as her fingers fisted on the bag involuntarily. And her heart jumped into her mouth.
‘You heard me.’ Ruby held the pee stick in front of Ella’s face like a talisman. ‘See that strong blue line? That means Ella’s going to be a mummy in exactly seven months’ time. You’re going to be ringing in the new year with your very own bundle of fun.’
She couldn’t focus, thanks to the sheen of shocked tears misting her vision. ‘But that’s not possible,’ she murmured, her voice hoarse.
Ruby laughed. ‘Um, well, clearly it is. Pregnancy tests don’t lie.’
Ella’s unfocused gaze raised to Ruby’s smiling face. ‘I should take another one. It might be wrong.’
‘Take as many as you like, but there’s no such thing as a false positive with these things. I took six tests with Art. And they all came out exactly the same. Assuming it was definitely you who peed on that stick, it’s definitely you who’s pregnant.’
Ella collapsed into the chair beside the cash register. Her knees trembling now almost as violently as her hands—which clutched the bag of frosting in a death grip as it dripped onto the floor.
‘I’m going to have a baby.’ The words sounded fragile and far away, as if they had been said by someone else, as if they could be extinguished if she said them too loudly.
Ruby stroked her back as she crouched beside her and wrapped her hand round Ella’s wrist. ‘Yes, you are.’
The tears welled and flowed, her whole body shaking now, at the memory of a similar test so long ago. The joy then had felt scary, terrifying, but so small and sweet. This time it didn’t feel small, it felt huge, like a living, breathing thing that couldn’t be contained within her skin, but so much more scary and terrifying too.
Dumping the pregnancy test in the bin, Ruby washed and dried her hands, then tugged a couple of wet wipes from the dispenser on the counter. ‘I take it those are happy tears?’ Ruby took the icing bag out of Ella’s numb fingers and began cleaning the mess of cream-cheese frosting with the wipes.
Ella nodded, the lump in her throat too solid and overwhelming to talk around.
‘Am I allowed to say I told you so, then?’
Ella’s eyes focused at last, and she swept her arms round her friend’s shoulders and clung on tight, too overwhelmed to care about the smug smile on Ruby’s face.
‘I don’t deserve this chance.’ She sobbed as Ruby hugged her.
Ruby moved back, and held her arms. ‘Don’t say that.’ She gave her a slight shake. ‘What you did then, you did for the right reasons.’
Ella folded her arms over her stomach, as if to protect the precious life within and stop the guilt from consuming the joy. ‘I’m not so sure about that.’
Ruby tugged a tissue out of her pocket, to dab at Ella’s eyes. ‘You were eighteen years old Ella, you had your whole life ahead of you, and it was a mistake. You made the only choice you could in the circumstances.’ She placed the damp tissue in the palm of Ella’s hand, rolled her fist over it, and held on. ‘Don’t you think it’s about time to forgive yourself?’
She would never be able to forgive herself, not completely, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t protect this child with every fibre of her being. This time she wouldn’t mess it up. ‘I want to.’
Ruby’s lips quirked. ‘Okay, next question. Because I’m going to assume the “Do you want to have this baby?” question is a no-brainer.’
Ella bobbed her head as the small smile spread. ‘Yes, it is.’
‘Brilliant. So next question, how do we contact Captain Studly? Do you have like a card for his tour company or something?’
‘What? No.’ The joy cracked, like the crumbling top of a newly baked muffin, exposing the soft centre beneath. ‘We can’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know.’
‘Calm down.’ Ruby gripped her fingers tight. ‘There’s no need to panic. You don’t have to do anything yet.’
The memory of his voice, smooth, seductive, husky, and so sexy asking, ‘Are you on the pill?’ seemed to float in the air around the café, mocking her.
What happened if she told him and he reacted the same way Randall had? He was still in his twenties; he lived in a beach hut; he picked up women in bars. He was exciting, reckless, charming, sexier than any one she’d ever met, and probably the least likely guy on the planet to welcome news like this.
‘And he’s not necessarily going to freak out the way Randall did,’ Ruby said, doing her mind-reading thing.
Oh, yes, he will.
‘I don’t want to risk it.’ She tugged her hands out of Ruby’s. ‘Why do I have to tell him?’
‘Because it’s his baby, and he has a right to know,’ Ruby said, in that patient I-know-what’s-best voice that she’d acquired ever since having kids. Ella had always thought it was so sweet. Now she was finding it more than a little patronising.
‘But suppose he’d rather not know?’
‘How can you possibly know that?’ Ruby replied.
She opened her mouth to tell Ruby how he’d asked her if she was on the pill and how the correct answer had somehow got lost in the heat of the moment. But then shut it again. She didn’t want Ruby to think she’d deliberately tricked him, because she hadn’t. But even thinking about that conversation now made her feel as if she had, which would only tarnish the perfection of this moment.
‘He lives in Bermuda. I don’t need his support.’ Especially as he didn’t have any money. ‘I’m more than solvent on my own and—’
‘That’s not the point. He’s the baby’s father. By not telling him you’re not giving him the choice, or the baby the choice to know him when it gets older. Think of how much it screwed up Nick when he found out our dad wasn’t his biological father,’ she said, reminding Ella of her brother Nick, who had run away from home in his teens when he’d discovered the truth about his parentage and had only recently come back into Ruby’s life.
‘It’s not the same thing at all,’ Ella protested. It wasn’t as if she planned never to tell her child who its father was; she just didn’t see why she had to tell the father right this second.
‘I know it’s not, but what I’m trying to say is you can’t keep those kinds of secrets. It’s not fair on either one of them.’
Ella wanted to say life wasn’t fair. But the truth was she’d never believed that. Life could be fair, if you made the effort to make it so.
She wanted to deny he had any right to know. This was her child. Her responsibility. And she didn’t want to consider his rights, his reaction. But even as the panic sat under her breastbone, ready to leap up her throat and cut off
