get in the car, Sabine. The longer we argue, the later you’ll be.”
Sabine watched the bus blow by the stop up the street and swore under her breath. She’d never make it to class in time unless she gave in and let him drive her there. Sighing in defeat, she climbed inside. Gavin closed the door and got in on his side. “Go up the block and turn right at the light,” she instructed. If she could focus on directions, perhaps they’d have less time to talk about what she’d done.
She already had a miserably guilty conscience. It wasn’t like she could look at Jared without thinking of Gavin. Lying to him was never something she intended to do, but the moment she found out she was pregnant, she was overcome with a fierce territorial and protective urge. She and Gavin were from different planets. He never really cared for her the way she did for him. The same would hold true for their son. Jared would be acquired just like any other asset of the Brooks Empire. He deserved better than that. Better than what Gavin had been given.
She did what she thought she had to do to protect her child, and she wouldn’t apologize for it. “At the second light, turn left.”
Gavin remained silent as they drove, unnerving her more with every minute that ticked by. She was keenly aware of the way his hands tightly gripped the leather steering wheel. The tension was evident in every muscle of his body, straining the threads of his designer suit. His smooth, square jaw was flexed as though it took everything he had to keep his emotions in check and his eyes on the road.
It was a practiced skill of Gavin’s. When they were together, he always kept his feelings tamped down. The night she told him they were over, there had barely been a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Not anger. Not sadness. Not even a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Just a solemnly resigned nod and she was dismissed from his life. He obviously never really cared for Sabine. But this might be the situation that caused him to finally blow.
When his car pulled to a stop outside the community center where she taught, he shifted into Neutral, pulled the parking brake and killed the engine. He glanced down at his Rolex. “You’re early.”
She was. She didn’t have to be inside for another fifteen minutes. He’d driven a great deal faster than the bus and hadn’t stopped every block to pick up people. It was pointless to get out of the car and stand in front of the building to wait for the previous class to end. That meant time in the car alone with Gavin. Just perfect.
After an extended silence, he spoke. “So, was I horrible to you? Did I treat you badly?” His low voice was quiet, his eyes focused not on her but on something through the windshield ahead of them.
Sabine silently groaned. Somehow she preferred the yelling to this. “Of course not.”
He turned to look at her then, pinning her with his dark eyes. “Did I say or do anything while we were together to make you think I would be a bad father?”
A bad father? No. Perhaps a distracted one. A distant one. An absent one. Or worse, a reluctant one. But not a bad father. “No. Gavin, I—”
“Then why, Sabine? Why would you keep something so important from me? Why would you keep me from being in Jared’s life? He’s young now, but eventually he’d notice he didn’t have a daddy like other kids. What if he thought I didn’t want him? Christ, Sabine. He may not have been planned, but he’s still my son.”
When he said it like that, every excuse in her mind sounded ridiculous. How could she explain that she didn’t want Jared to grow up spoiled, rich but unloved? That she wanted him with her, not at some expensive boarding school? That she didn’t want him to become a successful, miserable shell of a man like his father? All those excuses resulted from her primary fear that she couldn’t shake. “I was afraid I would lose him.”
Gavin’s jaw still flexed with pent-up emotions. “You thought I would take him from you?”
“Wouldn’t you?” Her gaze fixed on him, a challenge in her eyes. “Wouldn’t you have swooped in the minute he was born and claimed him as your own? I’m sure your fancy friends and family would be horrified that a person like me was raising the future Brooks Express Shipping heir. It wouldn’t be hard to deem me an unfit mother and have some judge from your father’s social club grant you full custody.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m sure you only would’ve done what you thought was best for your son, but how was I to know what that would entail? What would happen if you decided he would be better off with you and I was just a complication? I wouldn’t have enough money or connections to fight you. I couldn’t risk it.” Sabine felt the tears prickling her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of Gavin.
“I couldn’t bear the thought of you handing him off to nannies and tutors. Buying his affection with expensive gifts because you were too busy building the family company to spend time with him. Shipping him off to some boarding school as soon as he was old enough, under the guise of getting him the best education when you really just want him out of your hair. Jared wasn’t planned. He wasn’t the golden child of your socially acceptable marriage. You might want him on principle, but I couldn’t be certain you would love him.”
Gavin sat silent for a moment, listening to her tirade. The anger seemed to have run its course. Now he just looked emotionally spent, his dark eyes tired. He looked just like Jared after a long day without a nap.
Sabine wanted to brush the dark strands of hair from his weary eyes and press her palm against the rough stubble of his cheek. She knew exactly how it would feel. Exactly how his skin would smell...an intoxicating mixture of soap, leather and male. But she wouldn’t. Her attraction to Gavin was a hurdle she had to overcome to leave him the first time. The years hadn’t dulled her reaction to him. Now, it would be an even larger complication she didn’t need.
“I don’t understand why you would think that,” he said at last, his words quieter now.
“Because that’s what happened to you, Gavin.” She lowered her voice to a soft, conversational tone. “And it’s the only way you know how to raise a child. Nannies and boarding schools are normal to you. You told me yourself how your parents were always too busy for you and your siblings. How your house cycled through nannies like some people went through tissue paper. Do you remember telling me about how miserable and lonely you were when they sent you away to school? Why would I want that for Jared? Even if it came with all the money and luxury in the world? I wasn’t about to hand him over to you so he could live the same hollow life you had. I didn’t want him to be groomed to be the next CEO of Brooks Express Shipping.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Gavin challenged with a light of anger returning to the chocolate depths of his eyes. “There are worse things than growing up wealthy and becoming the head of a Fortune 500 company founded by your great-great-grandfather. Like growing up poor. Living in a small apartment with secondhand clothes.”
“His clothes aren’t secondhand!” she declared, her blood rushing furiously through her veins. “They’re not from Bloomingdale’s, but they aren’t rags, either. I know that to you we look like we live in squalor, but we don’t. It’s a small apartment, but it’s in a quiet neighborhood near the park where he can play. He has food and toys and most importantly, all the love, stability and attention I can possibly give him. He’s a happy, healthy child.”
Sabine didn’t want to get defensive, but she couldn’t help it. She recognized the tone from back when they were dating. The people in his social circles were always quick to note her shabby-chic fashion sense
