don’t expect you to understand what I’ve gone through with my family. And it’s too complicated to explain. But when Lainey became ill, I lost everything—even my childhood. I can’t deal with more losing. If I move on to another job, I’ll forget Russ. And in the end that would be better for both of us.”
“Would it?”
Laurel closed her eyes. “At least I’ll never be hurt.”
“You’ll never really live, either.”
“If I didn’t love you, I’d slam this phone down and never speak to you again,” Laurel said in a low, strained voice. “But I do love you. Even though you don’t understand me.”
“Okay, Laurel, let’s make this simple. Do you like working with Russ and believe your job is worthwhile?”
Laurel groaned as the conflicting emotions inside her continued to battle back and forth. “I need to decide if I’m going to move on or simply hang on?”
“Why bother?” Alexa asked with annoyance. “You’re not going to let yourself get involved, so working with Dr. Hollister is the safest place you can be.”
Safe? Laurel never felt safe when she was around Russ. He was a constant pull on her heartstrings, a constant reminder of how lonely she’d become. “That’s so crazy it almost makes sense.”
Alexa chuckled. “Grandfather Abe gave me my brains. But don’t tell him I said so.”
Later, after the two women had said goodbye, Laurel walked to her bedroom where a photo of her and Lainey sat on a dressing table. The two girls were standing in front of the family Christmas tree, dressed identically in jeans and red sweaters, with reindeer antlers on their heads. They were hugging each other close, their smiles full of childish, ten-year-olds’ giggles.
At that time, the two girls had been happy, normal sisters, swapping clothes and whispering about boys. Four years later, Lainey’s death had shattered Laurel’s world, and for years afterward, she’d believed she would never feel much about anything or anyone. She’d finished high school, gone through college and even tried to date and pretend to have all the basic needs and wants of a normal young woman. But she’d only been going through the motions. Then she’d gone to work for Russ, and slowly everything began to change. She’d began to feel again, to want and dream again. But along with those wonderful feelings had come doubts and fears.
Oh, Lainey. If you were here now, maybe I would be a stronger woman. Maybe I’d have the courage and confidence to reach out for the things my heart really longs for.
Her heart heavy, she set the frame back on the dresser as Alexa’s words whispered through her thoughts.
Working with Dr. Hollister is the safest place you can be.
Maybe that was why being with him was the only place she wanted to be, Laurel thought dismally. Because there wasn’t any danger of him asking her to be a wife or mother.
Early Monday morning when Russ parked his truck behind the clinic, gray winter clouds were shrouding the nearby mountains and a north wind rattled the bare limbs on the lone aspen standing next to the brick building. Several yards away, near one of the holding pens, Laurel’s truck was already parked and, though she always arrived early, she was never this early.
Grabbing up a bag of medical tools from the passenger seat, he departed the truck and quickly entered the building. Inside, the scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted down the hallway from the tiny room they used as a kitchen. Russ strode straight toward the smell, while glancing first one way and then the other at the open doorways of the examining rooms.
He eventually found Laurel in the recovery room, checking on a German shepherd he’d operated on Friday evening for a broken leg. The moment she heard his footsteps, she glanced around and smiled.
No matter what was going on, she always started the day by giving him a smile, and although he’d never told her so, the sight always lifted his spirits. She was a distant sort of woman who didn’t invite much personal exchange with him or anyone. When he’d first hired her, he’d believed her attitude was reserved only for him, but over the years, he’d come to see that she was an extremely private person. Oddly, though, when it came to work, she was more than quick to spar words with him.
Along with her smile, Russ liked the fact that she wasn’t afraid to stand up to him, no matter what he threw at her. But he’d never told her that, either. Russ figured after five years she should know he appreciated her work. Otherwise he would have replaced her long ago. Now he feared he’d been lax about letting her know that he needed her.
“Good morning,” she greeted him.
“Morning,” he replied as he moved across the room to where she stood by the shepherd’s cage.
“How is she?” he asked while inclining his head toward the dog.
“I’m impressed. She’s already eaten everything I’ve given her and drunk her water. And when I first walked in, I found her standing.”
He nodded with approval. “I could see a spark of survival in her eyes yesterday. She’s going to do just fine.”
Laurel gave the dog one last pat on the head, then carefully secured the door on the cage. As she turned to move away, Russ caught the fresh, sweet fragrance she always wore. The woman rarely bothered to put lipstick or any other color on her face, but she always smelled very feminine.
Now, why in heck had that sort of thing entered his mind this morning? he wondered. He thought of Laurel as his helper and friend who just happened to be female, and nothing more. That’s how, after all these years, he’d made sure their working relationship stayed strong.
“If you’re hungry, there are breakfast tacos in the kitchen. And I just brewed a pot of coffee.”
Russ started to tell her he’d already eaten, but she walked out of the room before he had a chance to speak, leaving him little choice but to follow her. Damn it, what was she doing, trying to make him sweat for her decision?
Down the narrow hallway, he saw her duck into the tiny kitchen and by the time he entered the room, she was already pouring herself a mug of coffee.
“Have you forgotten something?” he asked as he rested a hip on a tiny wooden table pushed against one wall.
She glanced over her shoulder at him, and the innocent arch of her brows made him want to let out a frustrated groan.
“Was I supposed to bring something to work with me this morning?”
Russ was doing his best to remain cool, even though he was nervous and worried. Which was a hell of an admission for him. Nothing ever unnerved him and he’d long ago learned that worrying was a waste of time and effort. Yet this uncertainty with Laurel had him behaving completely out of character. “Come on, Laurel, you know that I’m waiting for your answer about the job.”
She plopped two cubes of sugar into her coffee mug and stirred. “All right. But before I give it to you, I want to know about Maccoy. Friday night when we were discussing this, I forgot to ask about him. What’s going to happen to his job?”
Maccoy acted as the receptionist/bookkeeper and also kept all medications stocked and accounted for. In his seventies now, he’d
